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On Friday we lost an 11 year old boy from one of my classes. From everything I've heard so far it was of his own accord. I am at a loss. I have dealt with this personally in my life with my dad. I can't imagine how the family feels, what sorts of questions they have. He was too young to even understand the repercussion of his actions... it's really hitting me hard. I have been checking in on the local kids by joining them at the playground and just being around for them. I'm still afraid for myself, as selfish as this seems. I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to be strong for them when we get back into the class. How will we deal with his books and stuff when we go to pass them out? How will I be able to field their questions and be strong for them when I haven't even completely healed from my own loss... I went to church today, despite my lack of religion, and didn't find much comfort in the words they shared. Im glad and thankful for the people who do find solace in it, but it's hard to have faith when things like this happen. I just can't see the greater purpose for such a loss and that's what they spoke of. I wish I had someone closer here locally to lean on and open up about how I'm feeling. I'm really bad about internalizing these sorts of things. Wish me luck in the coming weeks and keep our small village in your thoughts, especially the family and his two younger siblings.
