Pirate King Van's blog: "A Looter's Booty"

So there I was hanginout at home enjoying the last glass of OJ. My best friend calls and I sit my cup down on the counter. He wanted to know if i wanted to go on a voyage naturally I was up for it as soon as I hung up I turned to find 2000 ninjas in my kitchen. I seriously think that girl is trying to kill me. We're not exactly Romeo and Juliet but when you see a ninja girl decapitate one of your crew members it' just screams I love you in that I also want to kill you sorta way. Being a pirate aint easy. As I engaged the horde of ninjas sent by my girlfriend one of the losers hit my cup of OJ and it spilled. My mood instanly changed from yay I'm gettin some exercise to oh hell no Imma kill sombody today. Just as I drew my cutlass my girlfriend calls she tells me I cant kill anybody but I could horribly mame them. The rage of not being able to kill took me out the mood to kill so I just sat down on the couch and watched tv. My firstmate walks through the door and the taste of sweet salvation returns to me. I wasn't allowed to kill any of the ninjas but she never said my firstmate couldn't. As he's battling the horde of outrageous numbers I decide to make a PB&J on wheat I try to eat healthy hence the wheat bread. After placing the two ends together I go to grab a glass of chocolate milk. While pouring I wonder if T-Pain wants to be on the boat then I start singing 'I'm on a boat'. The action in the kitchen gets really intense and then it happened way worse than spilling my OJ, they spilled my chocolate milk. They say there's no use crying over spilt milk,but they never said anything about chocolate milk. I sat in my chair weeping like a kid who just lost his balloon before grabbing my cutlass again. Girlfriend or not somebody has to pay in blood for my chocolate milk. Another phone call and a deep sigh of what the eff? It was my mommy yes mommy she wanted to know something. I didn't pay attention long enough to understand her and hung up. It rings again. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS LOVELY PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE I WISH TO KILL PEOPLE. It's my girlfriend again she killed my ex who just so happened to be a mermaid about a week ago then fed her to me she was feeling guilty about it and had to call. Oh and she says I can now kill. The disgust I feel right now puts me in a bad mood again I go back to watching tv. I can't wait until I get on that boat I think I might go find a new mermaid to flirt with.