I often try to describe my life to my friends, and they often gut-laugh at my stories. Not that I'm so damn funny, it's just that my life circles me like a ten-ring nightmare. That being said...
Today was a long day, as I got little sleep worrying about how to start my own business, then had to spend the morning at the Title Agent because we are selling old property.
After that I get a call from my Realtor Boss to help her set up a web page she bought without my advice or understanding. So hours later, I'm beat. I have a headache among other things.
So I come home and decide that I'll take a shit (I said this was humbling) and then take a nap. So I get down to my tighty whities, lock my door and grab a copy of Musicians Friend. I figure I'll look at some guitars, take care of business, and then get a much-needed dose of shuteye.
Wrong.
As I'm doing the deed, suddenly I hear what sounds like Niagara Falls above me. I think "Is that a water pipe?" but it is not. It is a ton of water going to places that a water pipe should have took it. I stand up and say BAD TIMING. Suddenly, gallons of water pour through my vents in the ceiling upon me. I yelp, try to finish the job I was tending to prior in a rapid fashion, and grab the phone with one hand screaming HELP to the Office Lady. With one foot I kick all of my high dollar posters away from my bathroom door (my bedroom hooks into the bath), and with the other throw my clothes in the air. Jumping through them like Evil Kneival, I'm dressed and grabbing towels. I build a dam in the doorway to keep the water from pouring into my carpeted bedroom. I move shit around; throw more towels down, and then the Landlord shows up.
He sees the water flow, freaks out, says he's going to kill the Asian people upstairs. See, they clog the kitchen sink up all the time. I know they may not understand, so I don't get too mad about that. However, this is a good one.
So, as I throw down every towel and washrag in possession, he comes back with an interesting tale.
The little couple upstairs bought themselves a washing machine. However, their apartment doesn't feature the convenience of a washing machine hook-up. Thus, they put it in their bedroom and ran the pipe to their bathroom sink. When gallons of water poured out, the sink couldn’t hold it. Somehow, the Little Lady was in the living room doing her chores and never seemed to notice that a washer full of water had poured into her bathroom floor etc and down into mine.
Its all okay now. The water is mostly up, my towels are waiting to be taken to the laundry later, and all my shit is soaked fucking wet. I told the Asian girl that I wasn't mad at her, and accidents happen, she replied "OKAY" and I'm pretty sure she has no clue what I said. But I tried, I guess.
The morale to this story is: a guy can't even take a shit anymore.
The End.
