39 Year Old
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Male
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From West Palm Beach, FL·
Joined on December 19, 2012
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Born on March 31st
11
Hi. My name doesn't matter. And I am awesome. This is the 3rd time I've had to recreate this profile - no not cuz I'm a quitter like most of you sissies, but because I'm too sweet that the admin who goes by "Markus" has deleted my profile info - count em - 3 times. I enjoy drinking profusely, and cursing excessively. I'm also highly educated and EXTREMELY successful so SUCK IT hippies. Get a job. Did I also mention I'm pretty darn good in the sack as well?
As you can tell I LOVE my cheesy douche-bag bathroom pics. They're basically the opposite of the false-advertising fat girls give by doing close-ups of their disgusting faces with too much makeup and crunching their pancake-batter boobies together. Silly tubbies. One of them once told I need anger management classes. What she really needs is Shut the **** Up classes. I'm successful, attractive and confident because of this new thing called the American Dream accomplished by good old fashioned hard work and effort.
Did I mention I'm extremely good at what I do AND a great catch? Holy sh*t right?! The total doucher to take home to Mom and Pop. Most dudes get whiskey**** simply by drinking too much; I just plain enjoy the feeling of the warm liquid soaking all over my man parts at night. Anywho, long story short if you're fat, uneducated, whiney, terrible in the bed, money grubbing harpy then you could make an attempt to talk to m... no scratch that, don't even ****ing bother. You won't want to get to know me.
However, if you ARE attractive, work hard, and know you're as awesome as I am. Give me a shout. I promise I'm good for multiple nights of spooning.
(Oh yes! And for the love of God, Buddha, Bieber or whatever deity you pray to, if you dare respond to a creatively well written message with nothing more than simply "lol" ... I will find you. And you will be punched in the Fallopian tubes.)
39 Year Old
·
Male
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From West Palm Beach, FL·
Joined on December 19, 2012
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Born on March 31st
Interests
Let's just say if you like dudes who don't call you back, drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times... you'll find me VERY attractive! I'm your perfect fantasy first date I promise. We would start off by meeting at my place around 2:00 pm. On a Sunday. I'll greet you at the door with a bacon grease stained white T shirt and tattered boxers as I'm giving a good ol' pad on the rear to my previous night's conquest out the door. Immediately I'll invite you in and direct you to the acrid smelling pile of sticky laundry causing from aforementioned previous night's conquest.
As you're tending to my wash, I'll proceed to the couch to empty myself of the early afternoon's beer farts and continue to drink whatever remains of the prior evening's liquor stash. And no, you can't have any. Once I get drunk enough (and ho boy, I mean REALLY stinking drunk) I'll show you where my room is so we can get down to the monkey loving duties we both know you came over for in the first place. Be warned, olive oil and ping pong paddles are usually involved followed by a creamy romancing all over whatever tramp stamp tattoo you have with your ex-boyfriend's name intertwined with some dumb tribal pattern. Or flowers. Whatever.
From here I'll probably just pass out and throw $10 on the floor for cab fare. Call me later if you want to go again. Or leave the number of some friends or cousins who I could take out and spend real money on. Don't I sound perfect? I am. Hope this sounds lovely! Message me! ;D
