ON DRUGS AGAIN

Pot, right. Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn't the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit... paranoid? You know what I mean? It's nature. How do you make nature against the fucking law? It grows everywhere. Serves a thousand different functions, all of them positive. To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a mistake. You know what I mean, it's like God on the seventh day looked down on his creation: "There it is, my creation, perfect and holy in all ways. Now, I can rest." [Mimes God looking around - spotting pot] "Oh my me." "I left fucking pot everywhere." "I should never have smoked that joint on the third day ..shit." "That was the day I created possums. Haha. Still gives me a chuckle." "If I leave pot everywhere that's gonna to give humans the impression they're supposed to... 'use' it." "(sigh) Now I have to create Republicans." And God wept. I believe is the next verse. You know what I mean? I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution. Okay, not the most popular idea ever expressed. Either that or you're real high and agreeing with me in the only way you can right now. "I forgot the code, is it two blinks yes, one blink no?" Do you think magic mushrooms growing atop cow shit was an accident? Where do you think the phrase, 'that's good shit' came from? Why do you think Hindus think cows are holy? Holy shit! Why do I think MacDonalds is the Anti-Christ? That's God little accelerator pad for our evolution. Let's think about this, man.

For billions of years, sorry fundamentalists, we were nothing but apes. Hahahaha. Probably too stupid to catch a cow, you know. [Mimes ape chasing and losing a cow] [Ape spots shit] [Wipes it offf foot] [Eats mushroom - begins to giggle] [Laughs] [Laughs] [laughs hysterically before lying back spaced out] "I think we can go to the moon." ('Thus Spake Zarathustra' plays) [Applause] That is exactly how it fucking happened. Except for the marketing people whose belief is, "No, it was proven that er it might be a good market on the moon and eer and a lot of people went up there, good numbers, good space numbers..." Urgh. Save your story of creation please.

Not all drugs are good, now. Okay? Some of em are great. Just gotta know your way around em that's all. Yeah I've had good times on drugs. I've had bad times on drugs too. I mean shit, look at this haircut. There are dangers.One time me and three friends dropped acid drove around in my Dad's car, he's got one of those talking cars, we're tripping, the car goes "the door is ajar". We pulled over thought about that for 12 hours."How can a door be a jar?" "Shit I don't know but I see it, I see it. Why would they put a jar on a car man?" I'm proud of every moment in my life, alright? Think some of y'all have tripped here before perhaps yeah? I used to love tripping, man. There's always one guy when you're tripping who wants you to do something to enhance the trip. You know what I'm talking about. "You're tripping? Oh duuude, you gotta play miniature golf." [Bill hangs onto the table] Ha ha Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking, man. I'm just sitting over here watching the pyramids be built by UFOs right now, but get me to that fucking golf course. I'm watching Jesus flying around on a unicorn, but I bet that little miniature golf would be just the thing to make this trip... peak. So you guys can use your legs huh? No, it's just that I'm turning into a fish right now and er how 'bout I meet you there later? Thanks, I'm pretty fucking high right now. Thank you. You know.

You just gotta be careful, I don't know what you gotta be, fuck it. We got pulled over tripping on acid one night, pulled over by the cops. Don't recommend it. Cops don't appreciate fish driving around. They frown on that. Long night, man. Cops were tapping on this window. We're staring at him in this mirror. "How tall are you?" "A liddle cop, look at him!" "How does he drive that big fucking car?" "Urr, there could be thousands of them, shit!" "What are we gonna do?" "Let's put him in the jar." Made perfect sense at that moment. Put him in a jar, poke some holes in the lid, leave him by the road. "You'll never get us copper. Haha." "We'll send some little firemen to let you out." "Hey I bet they know where the miniature golf course is!" "Boo! Haha.. Fuck it, they scared us." "Son d'you wanna stand up please?" "I just found the driver." "We don't need a driver, we're playing miniature golf." True story. Now, later, when I was released [laughter] I mean spiritually... Oh God. "I need to see some ID." "I'm me, he's him, you're you." "Put your hands against the car please." "Which one. The UFO, the unicorn or your cruiser?" I

I mean why do we fear these things? I don't get it. I think an attitude of compassion might help us alot more than fear, personally. Y'know? And I figured out a way to perhaps make everyone happy about drugs, are ya ready? How about this? Here's a way we can do it, make everyone happy. For those people who believe drugs should be legalised, legalise them. And, for those people who believe they should'nt be, they're not, they never were, don't worry, we're cracking down. There! Now everyone is happy. I am the weaver.[Laughs to himself] Drugs have done good things for us! Ok, not the most popular idea ever expressed, or you're agreeing with me in the very special way that you have learned."Is it two blinks left eye one blink right eye?" "Fuck it this is too may rules" "Yeah Bill, just get to the dick jokes, we're with ya" "Just don't do that Goatboy thing, that was weird" "Hahahaha, you love Goatboy admit it! Come dance with goatboy under the moon light". Drugs have done good things for us, if you don't believe they have, do me a favour - take all your albums, tapes and CDs and burn em cos you know what, the musicians who made that great music that has enhanced your lives throughout the years? Rrrrreal fucking high, ha ha ha ho ho. ok