in overwhleming pain all the time..hated by even my mother..a banned and left for dead twice..my dads faviorite saying to me before he died "go to hell, jerry"...the only person that is keeping me alive lyida{my kid}, if not for her i would have shot myself along time ago..i like to cut myself and watch the blood run down, and make a pool of blood..I WISH I WOULD DIE!!! i hate the person i have become..i have trust issues, and a bannedment issues acording to my last docs..depression..wild mood swings..thoughts of suicide run wild in my head..as well hurting others..i'll tell you a secret no one knows, i got hit by a car in 07, and yes i was trying to kill myself, for you see i knew the one person that i cared about more than myself wass cheating on me..i mean really who walks in the middle of a busy highway{621}..to this day i wish that bitch would have had a bigger car..no couldn't die..like i wanted..instead i now have the worse GodD@&^% pain in my back,hips,knees,and right leg..I JUST WANT TO DIE!!so i cut myself from time to time to see if i could really kill myself...so far i'm not worthy of death..i even tried to over dose..and work up the balls to shoot myself with a .38,a shotgun, and .22..for some reason i cant pull the f^c$ing trigger..the rock i have is my kid and for almost 2yrs. i did not even know where she lived..all i got was arkansas..