Chill KoSar's blog: "69"

Loneliness is a responce to the anguish I feel because I am alone. To be seperrated from my true love. Who ever you are where ever you are? I feel angry,resentful, frustrated,but most of all I feel abandoned. Yet I know this loneliness benifits me. It makes me realize that I need you whoever you are where ever you are? It readies me to now respond to the requirements of real mutuality. Therefore I do not resent my loneliness! Maybe it the steps that I haft to take to get to you. whoever you are where ever you are? Feeling this loneliness too. Thoughts of Chill Kosar

Intimacy Intimacy oh Intimacy ! Emotional ties until our lives overlap. Be into me so into me dont be afraid and turn back. I know you see my playa like ways. I must admit I am a certified mack. I know you hear Intimacy and think a nigga want to fuck. Intimacy encompasses more than just that. Arenas of Intimacy could be friendship,love,collaboration, negotiation compermise,and conflict. Conversation that get you high like you smoked on that bomb shit. Dont be that so unsure of yourself to draw close to someone else. The best thing about Intimacy is not what you learn about others its what you learn about yourself. by Chill KOsar

I met her Dec,22 two thousand and blah. She was a pretty face on my computer screen with a smile as bright as the mighty Rah. Almond shape somali eyes, her skin had no flaws. I gave her complement after complement cause I was totaly in Aw! We conversated for a while on messanger then off to bed she went. I thought about her almond somali eyes and the pain I saw and ponderd what it meant. I got down on my knees and prayed for Allah to ease the pain a bit. As I thought of her maybe she thought of me because she logged back on to my surprise. We ingaged in coversation so deep we made eternal ties. I knew at that second it last for all our lives We chated so strong for so long the sun began to rise. As birds began to chirp and it was almost time for work we said our goodbyes. Still to this day I often pray for the pain in those almond somali eyes. by Chill KOsar

Category: Writing and Poetry She can have any man she wants! Some would say I should concede. You see they just lust for her I trust in her,in every breath I breath. I knew A womans worth since my birth before Alicia knew here keys. So I’m gonna walk my walk talk my talk to the finish line as cool as a summer breeze! You can move mountians with tiny grain of salt but first you must believe! Yeah she can have any man she wants as far as her eyes can see. I just keep faith steady my pace until she chooses me. by chill kosar

Goodbye my bisexual lover. You love women like I love women,what a pair we made.Pretty girl after pretty girl,light skin,darkskin,brown skin ,caremel skin.We had flavors like Baskin Robin,taste tthis one taste that one. I must admit it was fun for a while. Cant say I ever had lust like this before. Sex slaves sex craves orgasims for days.Yet I ask myself was it ever really me? Fantasies turned to reality can sometime lead to tragedy.Monogamous is what I rather be only one girl for me. I wont share my bed another day lady. I know it sound crazy come’n from a man.We both knew this day was come’n and some day we would haft to part ways. KNow’n I cant feed your craves. Two people so perfect for each other. How come Kris get with Kross and we miss the bus.Knowing in heart monogamy’s a must. PLUS!! You being with me and only me would never be enough. I wont force you to change foor me. I would rather see you free,cause you see I love you enough to let you go . Love me enough to let things flow. Just let it blow like the wind. You will alays be my homie no longer my lover forever my friend! by Chill KoSar

I apologize if I mislead you! By the way I talk to you, the way I hold you. The way I touch you, the tender kisses upon your forehead. For my verbal stimulation, our late night relations. How handle you with patients. If I ever mislead you I assure it was not on purpose. I apologize. I apologize I want let you love me, Its just I just cant trust you. Cant trust you to love me the way I would you. Cant trust you to be honest with me even if it hurts. Cant trust you to love me for better or worst. Cant trust you to love me to death do us part. Cant trust you enough to give all my heart. Could I trust you? Would I trust to see he parts that’s dark? I apologize! If I waste your time, and at the end of this journey you’re still not mine. Stay with me unwind some time we will age like wine, and ease my mind. I know how to love a woman !One woman unconditionally Infinity one thousand times. Yet betrayal is a crime love and hates a thin line. I’m not trying to do no TIME! I apologize! That we cant move so fast and you got to pay for my past. I just want to see if you build to last. Just look at this way! If youdont get me at the end of all this and we never reach bliss. I’m sure I tought you lessons that I hope you did not miss How a man suppose to touch you. How man suppose to hold you. How a man suppose to stimulate you How a suppose to give you late night relations. How a man gone tell the truth even if hurts. The truth is cant trust you! I APOLOGIZE! by Chill KoSar

IS it the Insecurity in me that that desires a beautiful woman. Knowing that I am not the most attractive man in the room. Therefore I need her by side to make me look a little better. Yet my crave is deeper that just simple eye candy. OH no! I’m talking about a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. Physically, mentally, spiritually, sexually beautiful woman. I seek her’! I hunt her! She is I and I am her together we make one. See I been threw Hell and back. Suffered threw the loneliness without her and kept my faith. That she! I shall have. They tell me I set my standards to high. Who you think you is Nigga Ron Oneil or something? NAW! BRAHH! I know that nothing can keep her from me. I prayed for her in the darkness. of despair Damn it I deserve her. Einstein taught that there is no time everything is happening now. For I believe that you have always been with me and I with you. MY beautiful! BY Chill KoSar

Krunk girl! Dunk girl. Out of focus misunderstood in this crazy world. What is it that you seek? Why are you so angry? I have given you eyes that do not judge Hands that comfort not fondle. Ears that just listen have no words to speak. I given you love that will not fade threw your darkness that has no days Been you r pawn in the games you play. Cant give up on her. Wont stop being there to listen to your drunk talk. Shew away the devils that wait to feed on her flesh. See the golden in her when the world see a mess. My drunk Girl Krunk GIRL! So free with her body flirts with all the boys. This one tonight that one tomorrow and none of them give her joy. Always sreamin you want a man with more chips that chips ahoy. I don’t stick around out sorrow for her. Its just that I know her. Knew her when the anger was the size of pea. These are not the dreams she shared with me when we where kids and free. Now the pea has become a beast Untamed sorrow that must release. My homie my friend that has no peace. Everyone knows her as that Krunk girl Drunk girl. I just know the pain of my drunk girl. by Chill Kosar

Category: Writing and Poetry I knew the day would come. When we would be in this moment, at this crossroad. So much time we have invested in each other. Now are eyes are locked in this lustful embrace. I see your pupils widen. I feel your heart pounding Hear your body calling for me. Thoughts that run threw both of our minds. Time to make a choice. We been here before I time or two. one or other backed out because of fear. Afraid to lose a friend! Knowing this lead to our end. I've wanted this since I laid eyes on you. Wanted for so many nights to reach out and kiss those lips. Imagined in so many day dreams me waking up with you in my arms. Feeling your soft caramel skin pressed against my own. Now where here at this moment once again. I don't have the strength to look away! So I gaze deeper deeper into those angelic eyes. Hoping you don't have the strength to fight neither. We kiss for the first time and shock waves run all threw my body Never wanted to share myself with someone so much. So long I have fought this knowing I care about you much to much. In this life I live love has no place. Afraid I will run and do what all the other guys did your heart. I never want to hurt you! I stop out just that thought and try to pull away. To my surprise you pull me back becoming the aggressor. Kiss me, rubbing me in all the right ways OH my God cant believe this happening! CANT DO THIS to HER! running threw mind over and over. I got to stop this I'm thinking. Then I guess you feel my discomfort. Looked deep in my eyes and said I WANT THIS! I WANT THIS! Lord knows I wanted it too. Stop fighting it Chill I tell myself! Now things are getting hot and heavy. My shirt is gone my pants unbuttoned your lips are own my chest. It's so so gotdamn good. My heart is racing so fast! Oh my God you smelled so good. Kisses are sweeter than I ever could have imagined. To see you come out of that all black dress. To look at the body I dreamed about tasting from head to toe. Now standing there before me in nothing but black lace boy cut panties. Tattoos looking like a work of art drawn on that flawless caramel body. I remember reaching out grabbing that tiny waist. Laying you down on your bed kissing you neck and collarbone smelling your citrus floral like fragrance Your breast so soft to the touch I can feel them in my mouth. I almost fainted when My lips reach you tummy! That six pack that I rub in agony on that time off the month because only my special touch could keep the cramp pain down. Now I kissing em licking um! Lord knows if I was one of the premature niggas I would have ejaculated all over myself. Worked my lips down to that panty line. Amazed at how fast you speared those long Goddess like legs. I could see the juices run from your joy box threw the lace. I had to kiss them thighs. I can her that kitten roar as kiss her threw the lace. It seem like those panties slid off in slow motion. I would have never guess you shaved her. I had no choice but to put my lips on her and kiss her like she was the last kitten I would ever taste. To her your voice in a state of erotica calling my name. To know that I was the one given this pleasure. To feel your body get so tight when you reached that first orgasm. To see you shake in intense convolutions from head to toe. Oh I dreamed of this so many nights! Making love the way we did that night was not a mistake. It was meant to happen written in the stars. I 'm just glad it wasent the end of us. We may never revisit the ecstasy we experienced that night. Knowing that lust like that can destroy the friendship we built. I will never in this lifetime or the next forget what we had that night. The night you was more than just a friend...... Thoughts of Chill Kosar!

Eternal internal feelings I thought would never fade! Chains of your love has made me your slave. I move to your motion I crave what you craved. A victim of your venom in my veins for all my days. I could run to the end of the earth and still could not hide. The feeling a harbor for you while living this lie. Fight it! Dismiss it ! I try and I try! Yet its there when awake for my dreams of freedom it’s there I can not lie. Chains of your love has made me a slave. A victim of your venom for all my days I punish those who want to love me for I am stuck in your chains. Thoughts of you that’s stuck in my brain. I make love to my lover while I call out your name. I want you I needed you but you never gone change. Must find the courage to break these chains. To be free from your memory No longer your slave. Happiness wants to be in the rest of my days. Not a day longer shall I be your slave...... By Chill KoSar