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What are you waiting for?
1. Aight, I sent that text like half an hour ago – what’s the deal?
2. Eh, I guess she could just be playing hard to get.
3. Everyone knows answering texts in less than five minutes is a warning sign of desperation.
4. I respect it.
5. Having said that, if she doesn’t answer my text before that clock strikes 10 pm, I’m going to be forced to think she’s f*cking someone else.
6. I mean, It’s the only logical deduction.
7. What in God’s name else could she be doing right now that she wouldn’t be able to answer her phone?
8. Driving, I suppose.
9. Or showering.
10. Yep, she might be in the shower.
11. But for like 45 minutes? I doubt she still has hot water…
12. Not to mention – how f*cking dirty could she be?
13. All right, I’m over this.
14. Nevermind, I’m not.
15. She thinks she’s got me wrapped around her finger, I’m sure.
16. HA. If she ever does answer, I’m gonna wait like two f*cking weeks to ask “what’s up.”
17. Knowing my luck, I’ll get a “nmu” as I’m dropping my kid off to college.
18. I have like sh*t to do today – I can’t be sweating next to my phone all day like Jack Bauer trying to defuse a bomb.
19. Damn, she just favorited a tweet.
20. WTF, @Harry_Styles?
21. Is she f*cking kidding me?
22. Harry Styles thanks Amsterdam for his last concert, on Twitter, and that warrants a favorite.
23. I buy her dinner last night, and I can’t even get a f*cking text back.
24. I’m onto you.
25. I mean, she’s clearly using me.
26. That’s the problem with being a “nice guy,” you get taken advantage of.
27. Or maybe she thinks I’m a dick.
28. I knew I should’ve gone without the mousse.
29. Maybe her mom called her, and she’s having an extended conversation with her parents.
30. Yep, that’s probably it. She probably even asked her mom to “put the dog on the phone.”
31. She’s cute like that.
32. SHE’S DEFINITELY F*CKING HER EX RIGHT NOW.
33. HE’S LURKING, I SEENT IT.
34. Maybe I’ll hit my ex up, too.
35. At least she always answers.
36. Kidding…
37. …but in another few minutes and I won’t be.
38. Maybe I’ll just run over there.
39. I’ll make it seem like I lost something.
40. WAIT.
41. That’s the ticket!
42. SHE PROBABLY LOST HER PHONE.
43. Oh my God, I hope she’s OK without it.
44. I know how she gets when she’s not able to scroll through Instagram for a few hours…
45. She probably needs me.
46. Yeah, I’m just gonna run over there myself.
47. Oh, it’s snowing?
48. F*ck that then.
49. I’m paranoid, but not that paranoid.
50. I guess I’ll check the forecast, though, because when this snow doessubside – I should probably head over.
51. Why does this sh*t always happen to me?
52. Like, I don’t get it. She can’t even bear to see my name pop up on her iPhone?
53. HOLD THE PHONES. What is this???? A Snapchat?!
54. PHEW. She’s in bed. I knew she had to be napping.
55. Wait, what the f*ck is that shadow next to her.
56. Judging by the trajectory of the lamp on her bedside, that physically cannot be her shadow.
57. F*ck this. Enough is enough. Where the hell are my snow boots?
