I constantly lose the remote, I am a disaster on the dance floor, I am afraid of spiders, clowns, and the dentist. I sing off key in the shower, I drink milk right from the carton, and I can’t remember what I did yesterday. I pretend to know how to use power tools, never ask for directions, and only admit I'm wrong after I get into trouble. I am 29 years old.
Profile update:
I have learned a few dating lessons during my span as a single guy that I am willing to share with all those needing direction. Why? Well you know what they say "Those that can't do teach!"
DATING HINT #1:
DO NOT follow women around at the local Wal-mart. I know I know as much as we men would like to believe, lurking behind them thru five isles and watching them buy household items while giving them the your MINE MINE look is actually not as sexy as we might think it is. Which leads me to...
DATING HINT #2:
Someone showing you how well their pepper spray works is not a signal of ones interest. Had to learn that one the hard way. OTHER HINT: Pepper spray stinging in the eyes can be greatly reduced by grabbing a small child’s snow cone or slushy and dousing ones face. To the little kid in the store, I’m sorry for your loss. Your tasty treat was much appreciated and refreshingly delicious.
DATING HINT #3
Asking the mail lady to "come pick up your package" will not go as well as you might think. She no longer stops at my house, just kinda drives by and chucks the mail. OTHER GOOD HINT: The mail person flipping you the bird, screaming die perv die, while trying to hit you with the jeep is also not a signal of ones interest.
DATING HINT #4
When driving in traffic, DO NOT stare at the girl next to you at the red light like she is a tall glass of water in the burning desert. Looking like a Garfield doll in the window is not a good thing. Also fight the urge to lick the glass, pick your nose when you think no one is looking (cause someone will be right when you get knuckle deep),or exposing yourself to impress the opposite sex. Unlike billboard signs that kind of roadside advertisement is not so great.
DATING HINT #5
When creating a profile on POF, the most popular and widely used method seems to be posting as many shirtless photos of ones self as humanly possible. This method will in no way send the message that you are one dimensional, vain, or completely self centered. It alerts the opposite sex that you are not just looking for a hookup, but that you would like to start a long lasting and meaningful relationship. You want to converse in great detail about each others feelings and the future. If possible take these photos in an outdoor environment to maximize their effectiveness. I was using this method, but due to the amount of messages and popularity of my profile was ask to remove them by POF administrators. They complained that due to overwhelming amount of traffic, my profile had crashed the entire south eastern server. A profile with this type of content is the computer equilivent of Spanish fly to women. They will be powerless under its charms.
For those who are not as physically developed as others, try to show pictures of ones personal effects, such as a car, boat, house, illegal third world man servant. Anything that will mis-direct the focus of attention from your physical appearance could only help. Just remember the words of every hip-hop song on the radio. Its all about the BLING BLING. Try to have alot of shiny objects around the house. If the funds are limited, I find that wrapping things in tinfoil will deliver some amazing results.
DATING HINT # 6
When using chat programs that offer the use of your "CAM", try to remember that you are NOT a professional adult film star. I also was taught at an early age and general follow the golden rule of "when in doubt whip it out", but this is not the proper etiquette for this situation. Breaking the ice with them watching you churn your butter is an extreme gamble. I was only able to pull it off (pun intended) one time in the past. My she turned out to be a he. After many hours of sobbing & rocking back and forth in the shower, I got to know bubba in more detail and one large black mail payment later I am happy to report that we are great friends! This activity while fun for you is at the most five minutes worth of entertainment for them. Not every conversation with the opposite sex starts with "Hey let me show you something" or the complete blind side where you just send them a request to view mid-churn. This type of activity should only be attempted by the experienced dater. And only be attempted after getting to know the person in detail. Thanks again bubba for understanding. And if you do insist on using this practice then I cannot express enough the importance of shaving. Break out the hedge trimmers Chewbacca. OTHER HINT: Getting to know does not mean asking questions like "can it see your boobs".
OTHER OTHER HINT: The camera does not add 10lbs or two inches so proceed with caution spanky.
DATING HINT # 7
When looking for/on a date one must try to look as appealing to the opposite sex as possible. It is well known that women look for signs to indicate if a guy is "packing" or not. Here are a few tried methods you may find helpful in this situation.
Wear bigger shoes. Women seem to believe that a mans feet grows to match the length of his member. Buy larger shoes. Your can use the extra toe area as a clever place to store items that may help you on the date such as gum, condoms, ruffees.
Wear tight pants, or more commonly known as nut huggers. These create the visual effect of what’s known as the male version of a camel toe. Men can enhance this weapon of attraction with the aid of many various items. I myself prefer the common household banana. The shape has a curve factor that gives it a natural look. One major detail when attempting this technique is making sure you properly secure the article. Nothing more embarrassing then having a banana fly out of your pants, landing on a crowded dance floor, or striking your date in the face and blacking an eye. Another good tip is if the date is going well and sex might be a possibility, be sure to have an exit stragity. Practice a quick removal method. I find that low lighting in the bedroom aids in this process. Also store it somewhere close by. It will aid you with much needed nourishment later after sex. The last thing you want when she is ripping off your pants is to discover jungle fruit. At this point all you can do is offer her a nutritious snack and hope she is as hungry as she is horny. Without a good excuse its game over. Believe me you do not want to take that long lonely drive home wishing you had planned better, crying loudly and eating that damn banana.


Follow these simple rules and you will be on your way to dating bliss in no time
First Date Clean out and hose down my car. Let the lady decide where to eat. Bring flowers to make her smile and gum to make me not stink. Open all doors unless theres a fire or possible hostage sistuation, then its every man for himself. Hope I didnt forget to wear deodorant. Try not to look like a total idot or fart in a confined space
I am...evolving...changing...growing...inspiring growth in others and seeking inspiration beyond the exploits of my own mind. I dance, slink, move and groove...ever shifting...yet quietly watching. My voice carries on the wind, my smile warms hearts....I choose to live, breathe,and wrap eternity in my arms . My life echoes with the scent of peaches and chocolate chip cookies from my fingertips as his heart dances with the rhythm of a thousand feet moving to their own beats. I am here...now...as I should be. All moments have led to this point and I move forward with confidence that my path is my own and will lead me wherever I need to go.Get at me on myspaceIM

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