I have the body of a 20-year old (I keep it chained to my bed). I cross my eyes and dot my T's, spelling and grammar is important to me. I translate Spanish slurs for friends, I write award-winning erotica, and I manage time badly. Occasionally, I go away for three days in a row. I woo people with my sensuous and goddess-like singing in the shower, I cook 1-hour apple pie in 59 minutes without burning the crust, but I have yet to attempt Girdle-buster Pie. I plan on correcting this in the near future. I am an expert in technology, a veteran in computers, yet I cannot turn on a printer. I love surprises, I have been pegged back, and my passport is out of date. I'm always cold, I love Thai food, and I have been left wanting more. I enjoy thunder storms. Someday I will leave my life behind and run off with an insane Finnish cellist. I am quick-witted, sexy, smart, flirty, smiley, adventurous, laid-back but very driven, confident, happy, loving, thoughtful, open, and very very special. I am mischievous and creative, with a flair for the completely inappropriate, and my internal editor seems to be broken. I’m much worse when I’m overtired, although I’m told quite entertaining. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of pajamas. I don't laugh, but have been known to giggle profusely. I am the Princess of Smartassery, yet I still receive fan mail. I will do anything for a friend, and know where to hide the bodies. I have been caller number one and have won the silver bracelet. You will never hear me say the word 'awesome'. I bounce. 37 words are not enough for me. I own a jello tree. I have officially been cured of my desire to woot. I can be successfully Googled. I will keep you up all night. I have performed several random acts of kindness, bringing happiness to others and a smile to my face. I have also done things that I’m not very proud of. I appreciate the value of 800-thread count sheets and someone to share them with. The laws of Vodka do not apply to me. I amuse, I captivate, I surprise, I astound, I have conquered Paper Mountain and my taxes are DONE! I have made extraordinary friends using only my charm and wit. I sing lullabies. The word *whilst* excites me, and I have taught the art of a fond Farewell. I will open your eyes, I will warm your heart, and I will make you smile. I am contagious.