Owl's blog: "Life as a Freakonature"

Every year, at about this time, people make a list of promises they will invariably break somewhere around March. These promises are called "resolutions."

I'm going a different route: I'm making unresolutions, because their counterparts are too easily broken or unrealistic to meet. Everyone resolves to lose weight, get fit, pay off all their debts, have a better job, give to charity, blah, blah, blah and (furthermore) blah, etc. I've had enough of pretending my iron will is so "resolute" that nothing will stand in the way of getting everything done. Instead, I'm going to work on my list, which I've whittled down to 10 items, in the hopes that I get 6 of them done.

I guess, at that point, they'll be "unachievements," like... well, on un-XBox Live or something.

Anyway, without further ado...

1. If I go to any bar, anywhere in the world, I won't buy drinks for anyone who hasn't walked in with me.
2. Unless I'm going to see a sports team, I'm staying out of Arlington, Texas.
3. The moment (and yes, that exact moment, not one split-second later) that someone starts to perpetuate drama, I will cut that person off like a dead limb.
4. I will clean out my phone and social networking contact lists, removing anyone who doesn't care enough to say "hi" once in a while or even talk back when I say "hi." (If you cared enough to read this, you're probably safe. Probably.)
5. I will hit up Evil-Eddie Rogers and ask him what help he needs setting up for his annual Halloween party.
6. I will save enough money to make it to my hometown sometime around my birthday.
7. I will work on my romantic life. It's stupid to be 37 and have no love interests.
8. I will work on my vocational life. It's stupid to be 37 and making the same money I made when I was 29.
9. I will work on my health. It's stupid not to.
10. I will enjoy the time I have left; thinking of people like Ronald Millette, Ronnie Allen, Lloyd "Doc" Payne, Blanche Kounalis, and Elton Hudson, Jr. (among others), I'm constantly reminded that tomorrow is a privilege, not a right.

Hopefully, I will revisit this on December 31, 2013, and see how many Unachievements I've earned. I've even thought of names for a few of them: #2 is probably going to be called "Hunted Down by Rangers and Cowboys," while #3 could be "Just Call Me 'Chainsaw.'" And, of course, #10 is going to be called "Tomorrow Ain't Promised" - that's non-negotiable.