68 Year Old
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Male
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From
Greenville, SC
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Invited by:
1397553
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Joined on December 2, 2007
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Relationship status: Married
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Born on October 20th
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226 referrals joined!
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I have a
crush on someone and 9 different people have a
crush on me!
Interests
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When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with
their tedious diatribes about how hard things were
when they were growing up; what with walking
twenty-five miles to school every morning ... uphill
BOTH ways .. yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up,
there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of
crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how
easy they've got it!
But now that...
I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but
look around and notice the youth of today.
You've got it so easy!
I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn
Utopia!
And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know
how good you've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet.
If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the
damn library and look it up ourselves,
in the card catalog!!
There was no email! ! We had to actually write
somebody a letter ... with a pen! Then you had to walk
all the way across the street and put it in the
mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!
There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal
music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store
and shoplift it yourself!
Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the
radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning
and @#*% it all up!
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When
the phone rang,
you had no idea who it was! It could be your school,
your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a
collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to
pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games
with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari
2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "asteroids"
and the graphics were horrible! Your guy was a little
square! You actually had to use your imagination! And
there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just
one screen forever! And you could never win. The game
just kept getting harder and harder and faster and
faster until you died! . Just like LIFE!
When you went to the movie theater there no such thing
as stadium seating! All the seats were the same
height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat
in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just
screwed!
Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was
only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu
and no remote control! You had to use a little book
called a TV Guide to find out what was on!
You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You
had to get off your butt and walk over to the TV to
change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network
either!
You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning.
Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK
for cartoons, you spoiled little b#$&*&ds!
And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat
something up, we had to use the stove or go build a
fire ... imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to
use that stupid JiffyPop thing and shake it over the
stove forever like an idiot.
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today
have got it too easy. You're spoiled.
You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in
1980!
Regards,
The over 30 Crowd
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Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
'How old are you?' 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then th e greatest day of your life . . You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30 ; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid ag ain. 'I'm 100 and a half!'
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1 Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them.'
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
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>>>>>>> AMAZING HOME REMEDIES <<<<<<<<<
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1. If you're choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure i n your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you'll be afraid to cough.
7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
9. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS
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Music
TOP TEN WORST JOKES EVER
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only
one carrion allowed per passenger.'
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall .
The one turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that
you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says 'I've lost my electron.'
The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies 'Yes, I'm positive.'
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during
a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament
victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of
the office and asked them to disperse. 'But why?', they
asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said, ' I can't
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of
them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.'
The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.'
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth
mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone
liked to buy flowers from the me n of God, a rival florist across
town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good
fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and
begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival
florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious
thug in town to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh beat the friars
and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't
close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only
Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time ,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He
also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and, with his
odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..
(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ...
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns
to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would
make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Video Games
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KNOW YOUR STATE MOTTO !!!
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> Alabama
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> Hell Yes, We Have Electricity.
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>
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> Alaska
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> 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
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> Arizona
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> Yes, But It's A Dry Heat.
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> Arkansas
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> Lituracy Ain't Everythang.
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> California
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> By 30, Our Women Have More
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> Plastic Than Your Honda.
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> Colorado
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> If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.
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> Connecticut
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> Like Massachusetts , only smaller
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> Delaware
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> We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.
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> Florida
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> Ask Us About Our Grandkids
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> And Our Voting Skills.
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> Georgia
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> We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.
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> Hawaii
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> Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
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> (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)
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> Idaho
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> More Than Just Potatoes...
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> Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
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> Illinois
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> Please, Don't Pronounce the "S"
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>
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> Indiana
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> 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
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>
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> Iowa
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> We Do Amazing Things With Corn
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>
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> Kansas
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> First Of The Rectangle States
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>
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> Kentucky
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> Five Million People;
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> Fifteen Last Names
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> Louisiana
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> We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign.
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> Maine
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> We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
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> Maryland
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> If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
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> Massachusetts
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> Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden 's And Our Senators Are More Corrupt!
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> Michigan
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> First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
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> Minnesota
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> 10,000 Lakes... And 10 Zillion Mosquitoes
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> Mississippi
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> Come visit And Feel Better About Your Own State
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> Missouri
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> Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
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> Montana
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> Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing
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> Crazies, and Honest Elections!
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> Nebraska
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> Ask About Our State Motto Contest
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> Nevada
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> Hookers and Poker!
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> New Hampshire
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> Go Away And Leave Us Alone
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> New Jersey
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> You Want A ##$%##! Motto?
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> I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right here!
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> New Mexico
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> Lizards Make Excellent Pets
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> New York
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> You Have The Right To Remain Silent,
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> You Have The Right To An Attorney...
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> And No Right To Self Defense!
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> North Carolina
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> Tobacco Is A Vegetable
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> North Dakota
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> We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
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> Ohio
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> At Least We're Not Michigan
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> Oklahoma
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> Like The Play, But No Singing
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> Oregon
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> Spotted Owl.. It's What's For Dinner
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> Pennsylvania
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> Cook With Coal
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> Rhode Island
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> We're Not REALLY An Island
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> South Carolina
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> Remember The Civil War?
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> Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender Yet
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> South Dakota
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> Closer Than North Dakota
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> Tennessee
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> Home of the Al Gore Invention Museum
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> Texas
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> Se Hable Ingles
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> Utah
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> Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
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> Vermont
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> Too liberal for the Kennedys
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> Virginia
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> Who Says Government Stiffs And
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> Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
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> Washington
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> Our Governor can out-fraud your Governor!
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> West Virginia
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> One Big Happy Family...Really!
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> Wisconsin
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> Come Cut the Cheese!
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> Wyoming
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> Where Men Are Men... And The Sheep Are Scared
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> Home of Brokeback Mtn.
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> The District of Columbia
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> The Work-Free Drug Place !
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>
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QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!
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> If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?
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> Can you cry under water?
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> How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
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> Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... But it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?
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> Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
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> Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
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> What disease did cured ham actually have?
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> How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
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> Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?
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> If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
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> Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
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> Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
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> Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
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> They're going to see you naked anyway.
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> Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
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> Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
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> If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
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> Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
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> If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
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> Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
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> They're both dogs!
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> If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
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> If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
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> If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
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> Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
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> Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
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> Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
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> Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
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HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS)
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your
Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France. It resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
A calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture: a jab well done.
Mobile
HOPELESS ROMANTIC
Ticker 
Live Laugh Love Learn n have a Tremendous Tuesday..
Live Laugh Love Learn n may ur Tuesday be Terrific
