I graduated from grade school and I don't have to take shit from anyone!

It would be hard for me to be any more sarcastic than I already am. If you ever find yourself asking "was he serious?", I probably wasn't.

I feel it's a major waste of time and energy to spend time speaking negatively of others, so if you heard I said something negative about you, it probably isn't true.

I make a pretty good living so it is unlikely I will ever ask you to borrow some money.

You know what dog food tastes like? Do you? It tastes just like it smells... delicious.

Thankfully it doesn't matter on here, but I really dislike loud people.

I have neither owned a Ford escort or slept with an escort.

While I don't have as many flaws as the average person, I do have one or two and don't really need them pointed out to me.

I live by the philosophy that "if your girlfriend isn't made of rubber, you should be using one".

I didn't forget your birthday. You present just hasn't arrived at your house yet.

It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.

If you ask me a question, I will give you my honest opinion whether it is what you wanted me to say or not.