Chick Like Me's blog: "my blog"

1. North Jersey Is Better Than South Jersey

Think that's just a generalization? Well then, let's look at the stats:

1. Taylor Ham > Pork Roll
2. Sub > Hoagie
3. Proximity to NYC > Proximity to Philadelphia
4. NY Giants > Philadelphia Eagles
5. Devils (you know, an actual NJ team) > Philadelphia Flyers
6. Number of real Devils in South Jersey: 1
7. Number of real Devils in North Jersey: 0
8. North Jersey per capita income > South Jersey per capita income

Final Score: North Jersey: 7 - South Jersey: 0

The astute reader will notice I didn't mention the imaginary part of New Jersey...

2. Central Jersey Doesn't Exist

(*i strongly disagree with this point.... )

North Jersey and South Jersey are the cool kids at the party. Central Jersey is the whiny little brother your mom makes you bring to the party so that he feels included.

I have studied the matter extensively - and by that I mean, I read the internet and argued with friends - and can conclusively say that Central Jersey is a figment of your imagination. The only remnant of a so-called "Central Jersey" can be seen in voting patterns. But if the best thing Central Jersey can claim is Jon Corzine, then they can have him.

3. Jersey Pride Runs Deep

People from New Jersey will internally argue the first two points to death, but if an outsider makes a stupid remark about any part of New Jersey, then watch out. New Jersey pride crosses the North/South division, and is ready to get all up in your face about it.

A quick story about innate Jersey pride. I remember being in a bar in Toronto right after graduating high school (Canada's drinking age is 18, for the win) with five good friends and for whatever reason Bruce Springsteen comes on. We start yelling along and so does a group of people across the bar. That immediately led to a "F*ck Yeah Jersey!" cheer from both parties. Which would never happen for people from Ohio.

But all that bustling pride comes at cost to the outside world...

4. People From New Jersey Are Loud, Obnoxious, And Full of Themselves

Case in point: Chris Christie

When you come from the best state in the union you're entitled to certain things. Like throwing your weight around a bit, and speaking up loudly - and often. When people don't recognize that entitlement, you need to let them know appropriately. Hell, we don't even need to pump our own gas.

So what makes New Jersey so friggin' great? Let's look at everything that's perfect about it:

1. Everyone wants to live here, evidenced by the fact that it has the highest population per capita in the U.S.
2. Undeniable natural beauty across the entire state. There's a reason we're called The Garden State, after all
3. Access to major Eastern cities without having to live in them
4. It's the birthplace of "The Sopranos," Frank Sinatra, Bon Jovi, and Bruce Springsteen
5. The Jersey Shore, (the coast, not the TV show) which is basically God's gift to mankind
6. The best corn, tomatoes, bagels and pizza in the world

5. New Jerseyans Are Massive Bagel and Pizza Snobs

I am a complete and total Jersey bagel snob. I grew up in New Jersey, have relatives in Connecticut, New York, and Florida. Moved to California for college and now live in North Carolina - and I've visited another dozen states, easily. After tasting bagels from all over the country, the only time I'll ever eat a bagel now is when I visit my parents in Basking Ridge. There's just no point in consuming the bagel-shaped drek found around the rest of the country. And this includes New York City's harder, sub-par bagels.

Everything I just said, word for word, applies exactly the same to pizza. Exactly the same.

6. Everyone From New Jersey Hates Boston's Teams With A Fiery, Undying Passion

Tom Brady, Big Papi, and Dustin Pedroia make me literally want to tear my own face off. And that stupid accent, what the hell is that about? One of the seven layers of hell must surely be Boston after a sports team wins a championship. But let's move on, I'm getting physically ill right now just thinking about it.

On the flip side, I sleep well at night knowing Eli and the Giants crushed the souls of Boston fans twice in the last 10 years and that the Yankees have almost four times as many titles as those jerks, the Red Sox.

7. There's No Jersey Accent - You're Just Pronouncing It Wrong

I, for the life of me, don't understand why everyone else pronounces Mario incorrectly. There aren't three As and two Rs. Just say the name right, already. And why the hell does everyone else pronounce it "Noo Joisey"? Why do they say "Joisey" at all? No one in their right mind would ever pronounce the state's name in such a way. It goes against the NJ Code of Pronunciation Ethics I just made up. Only people from Brooklyn would consider saying that. It's basically the equivalent of calling the cast of "The Jersey Shore" true New Jerseyans - when everyone and their mom knows they are from Staten Island.

8. Everyone Lives Off An Exit On The Parkway

The outside world doesn't understand the rich complexity of that statement. They associate it with the area directly around the Meadowlands and outside of New York without fully appreciating the intricacies. Your exit number off the parkway actually gives the person talking to you a good sense of what kind of New Jerseyan you are. (See No. 1 for details.) And, if you don't actually live off an exit on the parkway, you live off an exit of the Turnpike or 287. I proudly lived off the Morristown exit of 287. Smack dab in the middle of North Jersey.

9. Give Us A Diner And A Dunkin Donuts And We're Set For Life

You learn very early on growing up in New Jersey that Sunday morning breakfast at a diner is something to cherish. Then, in high school, you appreciate the fact you can get something to eat at 2 a.m. that tastes as excellent as it does at 2 p.m. And when you're all grown up, you'll appreciate that you can order a side of chicken noodle soup with your pancakes, whenever you damn well please. God I love diners.

Dunkin is the fast food version of a diner. Great coffee and reliable donuts. Starting a road trip down to the Shore at 6 a.m.? Be sure to stop at Dunkin to power up for the ride.

10. Jersey Girls Are The Stone Cold Best

Like I mentioned, I moved clear across the country to California for college-just to fall in love with a Jersey girl. Sorry other 49 states, but to Jersey boys they just don't make 'em any better than they do in Jersey. I think it has a lot to do with the Jersey culture. The things I love about Jersey girls, in order, are that they are:

1. Self-sufficient
2. Passionate
3. Opinionated
4. Beautiful
5. Shore going, 2 a.m. diner-eating, bagel snobs