Xander's blog: "Xanders Realm"

You know I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the whole race thing. Not really race, but the defining of someone by the color of his or her skin. It’s pretty sad that in this day and age that most of the humanity still thinks you should act a certain way because of your skin color. Your styles of clothing, the food you eat, the shows you watch, and even the music you listen too. It’s not just one group that does this either; it’s the bulk of humanity that does this. From their stand point Blacks should listen to rap, R&B, gospel, and they should have their pants down their asses, and speak Ebonics. Whites should listen to country music and rock, and wear cargo pants and button T’s or sweater. The same stereotypes apply to other skin colors as well. If you’re not dressing or acting the way the mainstream thinks you should then you’re “not acting your color”. This comes from the people of your color as well as from others. Well, lets get one thing straight right now. I will not be defined by my skin color, which does not dictate my personality. If you’re so simple minded as to think it does then I really do not have the time or the patience to deal with your remedial views. You need to remove yourself from society as to not breed anymore stupidity. The people that do this crap annoy me to no end; I’m tired of hearing “you’re the whitest black guy I know”. You sheep really need to realize that people are allowed to act the way they want no matter their skin color. If this offends anyone, it’s not my fault you have a guilty conscious. Put on your grown up underwear and get over it. Anyway, this is enough ranting for me, I’ll see you all later.

Ok, so I haven’t been to sleep since yesterday. I'm pretty much running on fumes at this point. My sister decided that she was going to throw a tantrum. I in an attempt to stop her managed to have my knee lock up and almost broke my freaking neck, and now my left knee is in some serious pain. My morning has started out oh so well, I can't wait for the rest of my day to begin **Sarcastic Grin**. Later all, that is if I survive this day.

what is this thing called love love is something I can never hope to have love is the emptiness left in my heart love is what keeps me up at night why do I want love so bad why do I need to feel loved y am i burdened constantly with the reality that ill never be loved why do I even search for love something that I will never have is love supposed to cause pain in your heart why wont the pain end why cant I stop feeling what is love love is something ill never find love has shown me that I’m destined to be alone

Hey all, I'm just here to get a few things off of my chest. It'll probably sound like I’m repeating myself, but this is the only way i know to get some relief. It's just that i feel like I’m on the edge. Everything has become some difficult now and it's becoming very hard to deal with life in general. Part of the problem is that I worry about peoples feelings, I like to keep the people around me happy even if I’m not I feel at least someone deserves to be. Right now I’m mentally drained, I feel like I have this huge boulder on my shoulders and my knees are starting to buckle. I feel that if I don't get out of this rut I’m in that I’m gonna lose myself completely. I mean I barely get to leave this house unless it's to go to the store or to grab some food. All of my friends have moved on with there lives where as I can't even get a job. Everyone runs around with this you can get a job if you really wanted one, if it was that easy I would've had one a long time ago. I'm tired of everyone coming to me thinking the know how to solve everything. When I do try to explain myself to someone they don't understand and that's even more frustrating. I'd rather just keep everything bottled up inside then deal with condescending individuals. I was hoping to have accomplished so much by now, but I’ve yet to accomplish a damn thing. My mama criticizing everything I do does not help the way that I am right now. From how much ketchup I give my sister to how I wear my clothes. To escape from everything I now go to chatrooms a lot. In the hopes that I can escape this meaningless existence of mine. I go in laugh joke around in a constantly failed attempt to stuff my pain into the back of my head. I also do a lot of gaming; at least killing animated things give me a little comfort because I am able to take out my frustrations. I've gotten lost for hours on in with this multi player RPG (role playing game) called knight online. These are the only ways I’ve been able to keep myself from going completely insane. I don't even know how much longer this is going to help me though. So that's how it is, right now I’m on the brink of losing it. I’m on the edge ready to just leap off. I'm hoping sometime in the near future that something will happen to save me from myself. Otherwise I have no clue what's going to happen. Thank you for taking time out of your lives to peer into my world. I'll talk to you all later.

My existence is an enigma Why do I a body with no soul exist I serve no purpose y do I exist In this world where I don’t belong in a world where I’m not wanted In a world where I’m not loved y do I exist me a body with no soul Why am I here to suffer through this miserable existence called life in a place where ill never find happiness where every goal I could hope to achieve will always be out of reach where all I can do is watch others live life and wish that I could be like them y am I forced to wake up in the mourning y cant I just sleep forever y wont it all just end am I destined to forever be imprisoned in this miserable place y am I alive I who serve no purpose but to walk this earth unwanted unloved y do I exist me a body with no soul to speak of

Ok all just thought I'd pop on here and give a proper introduction. All the basics are covered in my profile my name is Zan or Xander which ever you choose to call me is cool with me. Welcome to my blog, here I will be posting whatever the hell I feel like posting at the time. Some you'll like some you won't I don't really care either way. That may sound a little mean to some of you, but I have better things to do then worry about what people think of me. Most of what will be posted here will be my poetry, and a few things that just annoy me enough to rant about. I will try to post in here at least once a week, but I'm sure I'll forget to sometimes though. Anyway, If you want more insight into my mind read away if not oh well... I'm outtie I’ll see you all later.