synntheticangel's blog: "Whats on my Mind...."

Every girl wants that... perfect guy, the right kind of guy, to make them, feel alive... with they're lies... perfect lover, best friend, brother... but daddy under the covers... and after all of this time, i think i've finally discovered, that... all you need, are the right lines, a few white lies, and that look.... in your eyes... perfect lover, best friend, brother, daddy under the covrs... and after all of this time, i think i've finally discovered... that... i could never be, someone that somebody loves... i'm too honest to be, something somebody wants... i'm too good at being me, and that just not enough... so i think that i'm saying... that i finally give up...

I can't see Out...Side.... The Windows have all been painted Black... I've been here for so long... I'm not even sure where it is I'm At... This is my Home...it's my Hell...my Church...and my Jail... My need to succeed and the reason I Fail. This is what its like, Inside the Rooms in my Mind... Silent Halls, Silent Walls... And a Phone that always rings..... Though nobody...calls... The air gets heavy....as I fall to the floor, "Whats that noise!" I scream, but again I'm ignored... It's only me, and the Pictures in my Mind... And as I fall to the floor... I Cry.... I've been crying for weeks... Or has it been Years? I know its been awhile... 'Cause...I'm Drowning In My Tears. Lost in an Ocean... Lost out at Sea... Lost in my Own Haze... Lost In Side of Me... I remember hazy Pictures... Of Times I Felt Alive... Wait.. Thats another song... One I already tried... But I'm still stuck Inside those Dreams... Though they're getting harder...and harder...to See... "I wonder what that means..." Where was I tomarrow... I mean yesterday... Did i have a Good Time... Did i have...SomeThingToSay... I'm not sure any...more... I'm just not sure any......more... And the Siren still screams... And the Walls still bleed... And all the things that "ISee" Are Turning Into A Darker Shade Of mE... I run down these Halls... And I'm screaming for Help... But i'm all Alone... Alone in My Hell...

Running... And now I'm Running, Running from my "Name"... Running from all the things that it means... Running Away... I've spent so many years... "Sitting here..." Watching the "Walls Rust..." Watching my Loves Lie... Watching my Dreams turn to Dust... Watching my "Doves Cry..." "Sitting here..." in the dark,,, "Crying MySelf ToSleep..." Wishing to MySelf... Waiting to Die...Waiting to Dream... And the walls have Rusted... And I'm left with nothing... "Waiting ForSomething..." But now... "I'm Tired of Waiting..." Tired of "Sitting Here..." Tired of Waiting... And So... "I'm Running..." Running from my "Name"... And all the things that it means... "Running in the RaiN" Running untill I'm Clean... Running untill my concious shines... Running from my Needs... Running untill all thats left... IsMe... Turning My Back To Leave...

I'm not good enough for you anymore i onece was someone special but now i'm just a whore, now i'm so easy for you to ignore, would you tell me what i fucking ment to you before! im not worth anything, in my own fucking head! just a fucking disease to be passed on and spread, nothing makes sense, it's all been read, and re-read, nothing fucking matters, not a word that i've said... identinty crisis, i dont think that i like this can you tell me what the differance between wrong and right is, i think that i'm blind, would you fucking rewind this, i finally understand what the meaning of "spite" is... and now that i've been easily replaced i'm so sick of seeing your goddamn face in my fucking head, every mutherfucking day! in my head, i know i'm not worth a goddamn thing and i've no disire to see what my future brings... 'cause nothing is worth a goddamn thing... not a word that i've said, not a thing that i scream... identinty crisis, i dont think that i like this can you tell me what the differance between wrong and right is, i think that i'm blind, would you fucking rewind this, i finally understand what the meaning of "spite" is... Identinty crisis, who are you to dicied this? tell me what the differance between me and him is... thank god that i'm blind, 'cause i've been blindsided, i dont care anymore what the meaning of life is. nothings worth anything when the only thing you have hope in turns out to be nothing could you please give me something how about a new....identinty.... identinty crisis, i dont think that i like this can you tell me what the differance between wrong and right is, i think that i'm blind, would you fucking rewind this, i finally understand what the meaning of "spite" is... Identinty crisis, who are you to dicied this? tell me what the differance between me and him is... thank god that i'm blind, 'cause i've been blindsided, i dont care anymore what the meaning of life is.

I can fight for the truth, And i can fight for You, I can love and obsess, Over every thing that You do... You threw a wrench in my life, But i think thats alright, No matter what i have to go through, I would do anything, To be crucified for You... There are so many things i want to say to You, But i'm scared of scareing You, or chasing You away, So i'll leave this verse behind... mabey this will change Your mind... I've spent the last two weeks between heaven and hell over You, and i dont know if you understand, the way You make me feel, You make me feel, You make my heart bleed and sing at the same time, You make me feel weak, scared, and pathetic, i always belived in love at first sight, i just never really belived i would know what it felt like, and mabey i still dont, who knows...i'm moving to fast in my head, mabey it does'nt matter, Girl...i would be your boyfriend...no matter how much it would fuck up my life..it would be worth it, i've never felt this way, you take my breath away and bring tears to my eyes, i've spent tonight driving someone home....and all i could think about was You, heh, but thats normal for me now...all i see when i close my eyes is your smile...it makes me weak...and weep... I can fight for the truth, And i can fight for You, I can love and obsess, Over every thing that You do... You threw a wrench in my life, But i think thats alright, No matter what i have to go through, I would do anything, To be crucified for You... i dont know if this means anything to You, i dont konw if it will influance what You do, i just want You to know, Your all i can think about... the memory of us both hiding our cigarettes at the same thime still makes me grin, and honestly, if it tells me what i think it does...then i think i know exactly how You feel, Your scared, Your scared of hurting someone You love, even if You dont like her anymore...and i'm sorry.... if You ever find that things change for You....dont forget.....i'm here I can fight for the truth, And i can fight for You, I can love and obsess, Over every thing that You do... You threw a wrench in my life, But i think thats alright, No matter what i have to go through, I would do anything, To be crucified for You...

EYEsis Smoke and mirrors, Flashing lights, I found my Goddess in Soddom and Gommorah tonight... I met my Isis, my angel, My god... And now i've only one emotion in my heart... And i'm not sure what it's called... The first time i saw your eyes, i think that i lost my mind that look that you gave me.... i think it made me go crazy, your what i thought, i'd never find again... Can i touch you, Like you touched me, Or are you to afraid to let your heart bleed? My Angel, my Isis, My Obsession, my God... Left with one feeling left, And i'm not sure what it's called.... The first time i saw your eyes, i think that i lost my mind that look that you gave me.... i think it made me go crazy, your what i thought, i'd never find again... Can i tell you i love You, or is that another song? I cant seem to think straight, i think my minds gone, Can i tell you i love You, or is that another song? Can i call You my Lover, can i call You my God? The first time i saw your eyes, i think that i lost my mind that look that you gave me.... i think it made me go crazy, your what i thought, i'd never find again...
Madisen, I miss you!

i wake up and the room is Red bleeding, "I cant remember..." she said, i can hear that voice, echoing through my mind, i know i'm out of choices, out of reason...out of rhyme... and the room keeps on spinning... and the walls are alive... everything's colored Red... Through the windows of my mind... i remember hazy pictures... of times i felt alive... and all the pain keeps playing back... through the windows of my mind... laying broken on my back, remembering the words she said, wispering how improtaint i was... the lies have painted, my minds eye Red... and the room keeps on spining, and the lies are starting to bloom... and every thing is colored Red Through the windows in this room... i remember hazy pictures... of times i felt alive... and all the pain keeps playing back... through the windows of my mind... laying here and bleeding, forgotten and unused, broken down and so let down, beaten, fucked, and bruised, remove my eyes, and make me blind, this spinnings growing old, all the pain running, through my mind, has left me dead and cold... i remember hazy pictures... of times i felt alive... and all the pain keeps playing back... through the windows of my mind...