philly's blog: "what kind of kisser are you"

An Italian man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passesa little math test. "Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." "Without numbers?" the Italian says, "Datsa easy." and he proceeds to draw three trees. "What's this?" the boss asks. "Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make a nine," says the Italian. "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99." The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go." The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" "Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99." The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100." The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred." The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!" (You're going to love this one!!!) The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little doga came along and crapa by eacha tree. So now you gota dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, datsa makea one hundred. So, when I'ma gonna start?"

A mother and father took their six-year-old son to a > > nude beach. As the boy > > walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the > > ladies had boobs bigger > > than his mother's, and asked her why. She told her > > son, "The bigger they are > > the dumber the person is." Pleased with the answer, > > the boy goes to play in > > the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many > > of the men have larger > > parts" than his dad. His mother replied, "The bigger > > they are the dumber the > > person is." Satisfied with this answer, the boy > > returned to the ocean to > > play. Shortly after, the boy returned again. He > > promptly told his mother, > > Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach > > and the longer he talks, > > the dumber he gets."

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labor. I work at great depths. I plunge headfirst into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures. Sincerely, P. Niss The Response: Dear Penis: After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your re quest for the following reasons: You do not work 8 hours straight. You fall asleep after brief work periods. You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing. You will retire well before you are 65. You are unable to work double shifts. You sometimes leave your designated work area before yo u have completed the assigned task. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags. Sincerely, V. Gina

FINALLY, SOMEONE HAS CLEARED THIS UP FOR ME.... For centuries, Hindu women have worn a spot on their foreheads. We have always naively thought that it had something to do with their religion.The Indian Embassy in Washington, D.C. has recently revealed the true story: When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the spot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop or a motel in the United States. If not, he must take a job in India answering telephones giving technical advice.

WHY MEN CAN PEE STANDING UP God was just about done creating humans, but He had two parts left over. He couldn't decide how to split them between Adam and Eve so He thought He might just as well ask them. He told them one of the things He had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee while standing up. "It's a very handy thing" God told them "and i was wonderin if either one of you had a preference for it." Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged "Oh please give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that!!! It seems like just the sort of thing a man should have! Please! Pleeeeease!!!! Give it to ME!" On and on he went, like an excited little boy. Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it. So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up. Adam was so excited he just started whizzing all over the place ---- first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand, and then he tried to see if he could hit a stump 10 feet away----laughing with delight all the while. God and Eve watched him with amazement and then God said to Eve "Well i guess you're kind of stuck with the last thing i have left." "What's it called?" asked Eve. "Brains" God said...

A Mexican, an Iraqi, and a Texas Girl are in the same bar... > > > >When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, >pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In >Mexico our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink from the same one >twice." > >The Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his >glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. >He says, "In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't >need to drink out of the same one twice either. > >The Texas Girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one >draft, throws the glass into the air, pulls out her gun, and shoots the >Mexican and the Iraqi. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and >asking the bartender for a refill, she says, "In America we have so many >illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don't have to drink with the same >ones twice. > >God Bless America

You're a Playful Kisser

Kissing is a huge game for you, a way to flirt and play You're the first one to suggest playing spin the bottle at a party Or you'll go for the wild kiss during a game of truth or dare And you're up for kissing any sexy stranger if the mood is right!