I must be feeling alot better because I am bored bored bored and buzzed buzzed buzzed

why do guys snore? cause their balls drape over their assholes and they vapor lock!

Hi everyone been really sick havent been here in while

ever wonder why when a man talks dirty 2 a women, its sexual harassment, when a women talks dirty 2 a man, its $4.99 per minute!

my vicious side wants to come out and play... I'm currently trying to talk it back into it's cage but that's not working out too well... You may wanna run :D

If ignorance is bliss, then Washington DC must be the happiest place in the universe

I want to go into McDonald's and say "i would like a McWeiner, and can i super size it" with a straight face and see what the cashier says=)

Dear President Obama, please remove your hands from my pockets because I can "stimulate" myself...thank you!!

A man is helping his wife make a pass word for the computer. He types in MYPENIS. The wife starts laughing hysterically when it says, 'Sorry not long enough'.

Yes!!!!Chargers kicked ass

If you dont have a beer dont bug me im watching football chargers gonna kick a--

CHARGERS GOING TO KICK A--

There are some people in this world that give my middle finger a boner!

someone pimp me out please

Put your number in a message and send it to me if you like me, wanna date me, or wanna hang out and be friends. Copy this and see how many numbers you get. :)

Of course I'm an angel... who cares if my wings are black, I have horns and a tainted halo? I'm still an angel!

If you think your job sucks try being the guy who tests rectal thermometers

I dont care if you lick windows, ride da short bus, or occasionally pee yourself. hang in there sunshine you're freakin special.....Humor me im bored

The best response to "Suck it"...Is hereby known as "Sorry i am not allowed to put small things in my mouth"

What dose that mean? sorry I am a blonde today. The hair dye must of went all the way to the roots.