loving being single

thinks it's too bad you don't get any sexual satisfaction out of being screwed over all the time. I would be set for life!!!

is worried that her guardian angel is a crack head

I feel stupid for actual thinking that i truly mattered :/

Behind every beautiful WOMAN is man that screwed her over and accidentally MADE her strong-er...should I say thank you? ;=)

old man kneeling by the bed, wife says "what r u praying for?" he says "guidance" she says "pray for stiffness and i will guide it myself

says "Tonight I'm gonna get drunk and try to take advantage of myself"

Have you ever had the type of day where no one has done anything wrong to you, yet you want to punch them in the face anyway? Yeah, I'm there.

I'm going to the airport so I can get felt up. It's been a while

Two old ladies meet up at the park, one says to the other one, "Did you come on the bus?" and the other says "Yeah, but I made it look like an asthma attack!"

Everytime i see a mattress on top of a car i think it's a prostitute making house calls ...

i dont have any way to make a salute due to my phone was stolen and i need one to level up can anyone help me?

good girls blush when they watch porn, bad girls smile cause they know they can do better.

Sticks and stones my break my bones, but whips and chains excite me. So tie me up and throw me down and show me how you like me. ;)

One spelling mistake can destroy your life. A Husband sent this to his wife:I'm having a wonderful time wish you were her."

I'm not a tease, I'm just a reminder of what you can't have

Destiny may decide who touches my Life. My heart decides who touches my Soul. But...Tequila decides who touches my body.

You know when someone is trying to talk to you and your not really paying attention, but thinking "Man, if i slapped you right now would you shut up?"

Wow I just had a multiple sarcasm...

is NOT the woman your Momma warned you about. she didn't have any where near this much imagination! LOL ;-)