Tequila is a sneaky b***h. One minute you're dancing like a mofo and the next you're on the ground,pantsless, making out with a shoe.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana Jack got high opened his fly and Jill said I don't wanna...

I need to find me a good/bad girl!!!

Got some good news today! My school accepted my appeal letter so I get to go back next semester and I start a new job tomorrow...

What happened to the chinese man who walked into a wall with a boner? He smashed his his nose.

One of my friends just move to Hawaii lucky bastard! Now I have a place to stay for free when I go visit out there...

Why do people put designs on toilet paper. its not like someones going to wipe their butt & be like" oh my god a flower"

What's the worst thing to do to a blind person? Leave the toilet plunger in the toilet.

1,2,3,4 I declare a thumb war... 5,6,7,8 I just used that hand to masturbate!!!

Peter Parker was lucky that radioactive spider bit his hand and not his ass or he'd have shot out a web every time he farted.

Micheal Jackson knocked off the moon walk from me, he changed it a little though because all I use to do is drop trout and walk....

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

Always a good time getting drunk and going swimming really debating on doing it right about now...

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.

Need 5 more fans to lvl come click that button...

Just got done playing call of duty black ops!!! had a urge to blow up some zombies...

Need 7 more fans to lvl need some help over here hit that button....