Usually, the “About Me” section is the first thing I fill out. Before any pictures are posted. Before any blogs are submitted. I feel obligated to tell everyone about myself. It’s not that I’m self-absorbed. I just think that anyone worthwhile would take the time to read the “About Me” section, as incomplete and perfunctory as they tend to be, and at least get an idea about someone’s character.

I am Aimee B. Loved. Unless you are my boyfriend, and you aren’t, I do not go by any pet name.

I believe in the power of words. Our current President suffers from verbal dysentery. I appreciate articulate people – those who put forth effort to appear intelligent.

It has been my experience that the people with “sexy,” “hot” or any other bastardization of the two in their screen names are anything but. Vanity is a sin. So is lying. Maybe you should consider using “marginally attractive” or “hideous but willing to show my tits” instead. It’s far less misleading.

Call me cuntly, but I will not be your fan. Unless you're Charles Bukowski, a sasquatch, Hunter S. Thompson, David Bowie, Chuck Palahniuk, Bob Ross, Johnny Depp, Bill Murray, Damien Rice, a dinosaur, Michel Gondry, Peyton Manning or Wes Anderson, I am not your fan. I don't expect you to be my fan. I'm kind of a bitch, so I wouldn't recommend it.