In the great concrete shire of Rancho Cordova, there lives a humble, handsome hobbit by the name of Patrick, or Patty O'Baggins as his friends often call him.
Patrick is bright-eyed and quick witted, with a big heart and a small penis. No, seriously. It's really tiny.
He has great artistic talents and a love of film and classic rock. Because he's kind of old, yanno. In human years, he's 34, which in hobbit years is like...eleventy-eight.
He also has a penchant for spilling, at minimum, one glass of water per day. No one has discovered the truth behind this phenomenon. Nobody cares to. It is exciting to wait for the inevitable moment he tips ice-cold liquid all over his sack (which, in contrast to his penis, is rather bulbous), and it is marvelously funny when the moment finally arrives.
Patty O'Baggins is the most loyal friend a human, dwarf, orc, or elf could ever have. But no trolls. Trolls are gross. And by trolls I mean ugly chicks.
Patrick is well-groomed. He always smells nice, and he has really soft hair. Oh, speaking of hair - his body is virtually hairless. That's right ladies - you can lay on his chest without getting hairs in your nostrils. And also, while you are grabbing his ass while he's giving you the humps, it won't feel like velcro. And any woman who can't appreciate a nice smooth bottom isn't much of a woman.
The dwelling of our hobbit hero is filled with different forms of entertainment, from board games to movies to music. It is virtually impossible to be bored whilst visiting the House of Patty, which is probably why his house is always filled with his friends - if Pat's around, you're bound to have a great time.
Patrick does not like liars. If you lie to him, he will beat you senseless with his very tiny but very effective baseball bat.
Who I'd like to meet: Maybe it would be better if we went over who Patty would -NOT- like to meet:
*Again, no liars. Lest ye suffer the wrath of the bat. *No squares. You've got to be able to let loose and have a good time. *No skanky bitches. I don't mind being this blunt. You broads are a dime a dozen. Kindly go give your herpes to someone else. *Dumbasses. Patrick has a severe allergic reaction to dumbasses. He breaks out in to hives and gets all itchy. It's not cute.
Patty O'Baggins is one of the most accepting folks you'll ever meet. As long as you don't suck.
Video Games:
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(last updated:September 6, 2007 @ 1:38 am)
You are The Devil
Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession
The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.
Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.
Anything that doesn't make his ears bleed. Examples: Cake, Dredg, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Journey, Eminem, Aerosmith, drum & bass/jungle/trance, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Crash Test Dummies, and the list goes on forever.
Movies: With hundreds of movies, it's hard to pinpoint all of his favorites. But he does love the work of Quinten Tarantino, Robert Rodriguez, and Sam Raimey. He's a huge fan of cheesy B horror movies, especially if there are zombies involved. He also enjoyed the Spiderman and X-Men movies. He thought League of Extraordinary Gentlemen was a giant crapfest and he still wants his goddamn money back.
Television: The TV screen at the Casa de Pat is typically not used for viewing for television programs. This may have something to do with Patrick not having cable. However he does have some shows on DVD - The Sopranos and That 70s Show are some of his personal favorites.
Books: Not much of a book reader. He does like Maxim and Playboy (hobbits have needs, too), as well as High Times and Game Informer.
Heroes: Spiderman. He does whatever a spider can. Funnily enough, Patrick is terrified of spiders. Just not spiderMEN apparently.
Interests:
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Rollin' with the homies, kickin' it g-style on the blizzock...okay, Pat doesn't do any of those things. He watches movies, goes to the occasional bar or club, kicks copious amounts of ass at pool, cruises in the Hobbitmobile (otherwise known as a Honda CRX), plays Settlers of Catan and various other board games, engages himself in art projects in several mediums (sculpture, painting, model-building, and woodworking to name a few), and plays video games. He's good at shooting things. This may or may not frighten you.
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