i wish that you could understand all i want is to be your man. all i need is you in my life because without you there is no fun. i know that i have dodged it before. but now i am saying it outright. i love you. i know you probably dont feel the same way but i just had to get it out in the open. i am tired of hiding my feelings so that i can feel like i am dead inside. when i know that i am not. i know that somewhere in your heart you do have a place for me, but i dont think that its love you feel. just a friend is all i am. someone that you can talk to when you are feeling down and out. and nothing gives me greater pleasure than talking to you, but i want to be by your side. i want to hold you in my arms and never let you go. cuddle when the nights are cold and they days went by too slow. i know that you probably wont read this so i guess i am just telling everyone else how i feel. better that its known by someone else than not at all. if you do read this and you feel the same way. let me know so that i can make the plans that need to be made. i know that you do have feelings for me, but i dont think that its love you feel. i think it is more of a deep friendship. something you are comfortable with, because love has hurt you too many times in the past. but i know once you see how much i care for you that you will be in love with me. i will try to make you smile everyday. but one thing will remain, i am your friend first and that wont change. i really didnt want to write this but it is better not to hide your feelings from the one you love. what the hell am i talking about anyways. it doesnt matter what i feel. because everyone just steps on my feelings anyways. i guess i have welcome written all over me. because thats what i feel like, some kind of welcome mat. most of my friends treat me with respect and i love them for it. i guess i will never get to be with the one i want because she just dont feel the same way for me that i feel for her. but at least i have come to terms with it. i dont know why i fall in love so fast, but i just do. i wish that my heart would finally let me decide who i want to be with. i know i would pick someone that would at least acknowledge the fact that i am something more than a friend to her. i am not saying that she wont, but only that she hasnt yet. i guess i should just give up trying to love someone because everytime i do i just get hurt in the long run. my heart still hurts from the first girl that broke my heart all the way through til the last one. i dont know if my heart can take anymore punishment. i have a feeling that those of you who do read this are gonna get really bored. i like to ramble. but if you make it this far than i am glad to call you a friend. i just wish i didnt have so much to say. i dont really know why i write these things, its not like anyone is actually going to acknowledge the fact that i am pouring my heart out. i must sound like a total asshole and i am sorry. i just get upset sometimes and i need somewhere to vent. and that is all this is. all i want is to know that someone can actually love me for who i am not what i look like, how i dress, what my body type is and so on and so forth. i am a very loving person. i care for all my friends here on ct and in the real world. if it wasnt for my friends here on ct i would probably go crazy and try something stupid like trying to kidnap my children or something worse. i know that it wont do any good to do something like that because i really have no place to call home. here i am 25 years old living in a motel room, no wonder nobody wants to be with me. i really have nothing to offer but my love, respect and trust. my family has abandoned me and all i have are the people i call friends here on ct. most of them only added me because i rated/fanned them. then there are those who are just after the points. but i can actually say that there are some of them who will talk to me when i talk to them no matter how busy they are. those are the ones i consider my true friends. then there are the people who just acknowledge me for my tattoo. so what i have a tattoo and a pierced tongue, what does that really have to do with anything. i am really not here to fall in love, just make friends but there are somethings i just cant help. i just wish that someone would finally have enough courage to admit that they loved me, but only if they truly feel it. i dont want some pity love. i want the real deal. i want the heart and soul. well this is already way to long, so i guess i will say goodbye for now. i hope that you still want to remain friends after reading this because i do have a tendency to piss people off with what i say sometimes. well i guess i will go now. lotsa cherry love to all my friends.
