Ember Of Pain's blog: "This is me, like it or not....."

Yeah so when it's all said and done you look like your fine on the outside but it's just not true. Your life and household has been turned upside down by outside forces that you thought that you could trust. Your heart is breaking cause you know it will never go back to the way it once was. That my not have been all smiles and giggles but at least you knew it was real and that you where loved. But as you move on with your life you begin to look back and wonder where it all went wrong and how you could have fixed or at least stoped it. You begin to run the senarioy through your head over and over again and telling yourself you could have fixed it. But you begin to realize that it all would have worked out the same, nothing was going to change. You were helpless and there was nothing you could have done to forseen it. So as you lay your head down at night just remember things are the way they are for a damn good reason and it will all be ok in the end. You may not be in control of your life at all times but at least you can do something in your present time. Well I hope this helps all those who have felt or at least gone through something that has changed their life for one reason or another. Thanks for reading everyone.

When the time comes it will be all over it will never be as I remember it, but it will be as I have always dreamed it would be. Love will have nothing to do with it, but it will be involved with it all. Fear is inevitable and can not be ran from. Who will hold you in the highest love and admiration? Who will take back what you feel? Who will hold you in their arms and never let go? It will be the longest road that you will travel, for I have walked this path. I have seen the horrors and felt them in my soul. I dreamed the deadly dreams that others dare not to. I will take to the highest heights and return with the knowledge that will get me through this life that I have been given.

The pain comes and it goes but when it's all said and done, I'm the one left alone. I feel the numb and empty feelings that have continued to haunt me. I want to take the razor to this soft flesh that encases me. I want to feel the cold penetrate and then be replaced with the stinging pain, as the blade goes deeper and begins to ripe a path for the next stroke. Who says pain isn't good? I love to watch the blood come to the surface and then run down my arm to my wrist, and as a sigh escapes me the blood spills from my fingers to pool on the floor. It's this pain and then as the blood mixes with the tears from my eyes that keeps me sane. In the morning my bed will be empty and the blood will have dried on my arms. The day will pass me by as I stand and stare out the window. I will watch as the tears fall from these blue eyes. I will watch in envy and hatred as the people walk out in front of me. I will hold out my hand but those who see it will recoil from it in distrust. I will begin to bite the hand that feeds me as it will have first bitten me. I will not have thought twice about hurting those who have hurt me to begin with. I will take down who so ever gets in my way. I will survive upon my own accord, I shall not be stopped. I WILL PREVAIL!!! You look at me with eyes wide and yet you do not speak. Have I caught your interest or do I strike fear within your heart?!

So here we are again with only ourselves to talk to. I have waited for you to come home and as always you do. You take me to new hieghts every time you touch me. Your kiss is the softest thing to me but it can be hard as a rock and make my head swim. Your touch makes me come back for more and never want to leave. My body yearns ffor you always and never does it look at others for all the things that you can give me. And ever night when I lay with you my body is over come by the most wonderful explotion of passion that it is all I can do to keep from crying as I call out your name. And as you wisper the words of youur language to me my body goes into a convulsion once again. You are my heart, my soul, my mind, and my forever.

So here we are again in our lonely pathetic lives. We can never truely understand the meaning of love for we always find ways and reasons to end it. We take for granted the ones that love us for the ones who could give a damn. But what it all boils down to is the fact that we are never truely happy. But I have found a light in all this darkness and it has shown me a true path that we must all take one day. I have found the true meaning of what it means to love. It is that one true feeling that you can never ignore. It drives you to the point of insanity and then brings you back with all the understanding you need for you life. So here we are again with the true understanding.