My LaDy AnGeLFaCe's blog: "THINGS TO PONDER"

1. Ever wonder why they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

2. How do you KNOW it's new and improved dog food?

3.Why do they put locks on the doors of 24 hour stores?

4. What do they use to ship styrofoam?

5. Why is it called rush hour when everything moves so slow?

6. Why do they call them express lanes when during rush hour everything is stopped?

7. Why is abreviation such a long word?

8. If sour milk is used to make you gurt, how do you know when yogurt has gone bad?

9. Why is there an expiry date on my sour cream container?

10. Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?

11. Why do we send cargo by ship, and shipments by car?

12. Why call it a building if it's already been built?

13. Why do kamikazee pilots wear helments?

14. How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

15. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

16. Does "virgin wool" come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught yet?

17. If the front of your car says "Dodge", do you really NEED a horn?

18. What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?

19. When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

20. Does fuzzy logic tickle?

21.Do blind eskimoes heave seeing eye sled dogs?

22.Do they have reserved parking for non handicap people at the Special Olympics?

23. Why do they call it a TV set when you only get 1?

24. How come wrong numbers are never busy?

25. Do radioactive cats have 18 half lives?

26. If you shoot a mime, should you use a scilencer?

27. Why call it "take a dump" when you leave something behind?

28. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

29. Why call them bot water heaters if the water is already hot?

30. If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?

31. If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

32. If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?

33. When a cow laughs, does milk come up its nose?

34. Why do they put braille on the number pads of drive through bank machines?

35. If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon on the pan?

36. How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

37. If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

38. What's another word for Thesaurus?

39. What would we have called the color orange if it wasn't a fruit?

40. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

From the demented mind of comedian Steven Wright

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around

several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called "Poles", why aren't

people from Holland called "Holes"?

Why do we say something 'is out of whack'? What's a whack?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs?

Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist

but a person drives a race car not called a racist?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific

mean to make terrible?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.

Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed,  tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as  they get older, then it dawned on me they're cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?

What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their  pictures on the postage stamps so the mail men could look for them while they  delivered the mail?

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

 

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

2. Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

3. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

4. Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

5. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

6. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

7. Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

8. Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

9. Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?

10. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

11. Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

12. How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

13. Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

14. Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

15. Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

16. Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

17. Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?

18. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station...

19. Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

20. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

21. Does fuzzy logic tickle?

22. If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery?

23. I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

24. How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

25. How much faith does it take to be an atheist?

26. I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem.

27. If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what, exactly, is fog horn made out of?

28. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

29. If atheists say there is no God, who do they think pops up the next Kleenex in the box?

30. Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

31. I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom.

32. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

33. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

34. What WAS the best thing before sliced bread?

 

 

Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

Why do people without out a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is? Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?

Why does sour cream have an expiration date?

The light went out, but where to?

Why do banks charge you a "in-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

Why is it you have a "pair" of pants and only one bra?

Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?

Why is the alphabet in that order?

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!

Do fish get cramps after eating?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosylabic"?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not adoor?

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

Do infants have as much fun in their infancy as adults do in adultery?

If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?

Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

Isn't Disneyland a people trap operated by a mouse?

Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.

Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?

- If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

- When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?

- When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

- What happened to the first 6 "ups"?

- If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

- Why does your nose run, and your feet smell?

- If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

- Hermits have no peer pressure.

- Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories...

- There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot..

- How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?

- What a nice night for an evening.

- When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He said, "I want my daughter back by 8:15." I said, "The middle of August? Cool!"

- Did Washington just flash a quarter for his ID?

- I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

- I live on a one-way dead-end street.

- It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

- Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.

- I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, "No thanks-I'm not going that far."

- I played a blank tape on full volume. The mime who lives next door complained.

- Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

- When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.