Matrix's blog: "The Squirrel from Hell"

I "comment", therefore I am. I’m not going into how I feel or what makes me tick. (Maybe these stories might give you an idea about that, although I hope not) But I will tell the story that people keep bugging me to tell again and again. This way, if someone wants to know about it, they can just check here. So, this is the last time I’m telling it. It happened when I was in college (ok most of the stuff that’s happened to me happened in college.) I’m walking home from class, heading to my dorm on a nice bright fall day. The sidewalk is full of students going to and coming from classes. I notice on the side of the sidewalk a very large squirrel (notice I said large). It’s just sitting there watching everyone pass by. Some look at it, others don’t. Where I’m from, when you take a step towards a squirrel they take off running. Not this one. So now I’m walking right up to this large squirrel and it turns its head towards me. I walk next to it looking down at it and then right past it. As I continue to walk down the sidewalk a strange feeling passes over me. A feeling probably brought on by the people smiling at me as I pass them. Then yet another feeling takes over……a feeling of being followed. I turn to look behind me as I continue walking and see nothing. Now the feelings getting worse and people are smiling more, so I turn again and this time I look lower. And there I see the large squirrel walking behind me. Ok, at first I’m thinking this is kinda cute….at least for a few seconds. But I realize that the sidewalk is full of people and this large squirrel is just following me. With that thought, I pick up the pace a bit. Now I look back and the LARGE squirrel is galloping behind me (whatever you call it when they leap on their hind feet and land on thier front feet making that arc with their bodies?). Ok now this is beginning to bother me. So, I begin to trot bit. It begins to canter. I begin to jog. It begins to scamper (gotta love how I’m giving the levels of squirrel movement). At this point I’m...well, concerned. People are all around me and now laughing and this…..thing, has its sights set on me. So I jog. It runs. Picture this. I’m 6’2 and at the time 245 pounds and on the JV Football team and I’m jogging down the street being pursued by a LARGE squirrel. Fun and games are now officially over! I begin to run for it, dodging in and out of people (bob and weave) still moving along the sidewalk. This heat seeking missile is dodging between the same people as well. Dare I say panic hits me? Ok, panic hits me. I start running and tossing books behind me. This mad autumn creature not only dodges in and out of the crowd chasing me, it also evades every book I toss behind me with ease. Even my economics book. That thing was over 600 pages. If I could have just grazed it with that book….I could have at least stunned it. All out of books and still four blocks away from my dorm, I make a mad dash for it (run forest run). Peeking behind me I can see and hear this demon seed closing the gap. Students are now standing still watching me run for my life, pointing and laughing. I don’t care anymore because I see my dorm and anyone in my way, man, woman or child is getting run over. If you’ve never heard an upset LARGE squirrel make noise....I hope you never do. (shivers) Anyway I finally make it to my dorm, enter and slam the door shut. Now I’m leaning against it. Yeah, like the squirrel, pardon me, LARGE squirrel is going to push it open. I didn’t realize a guy was trying to exit the dorm as I came in. He asked me to please move so he could get to class. I moved and then asked him to look outside and tell me what he sees. He looks and says “Nothing…………just a squirrel”. There, I’ve told it. And don’t give me that, “oh you ran from a little squirrel” crap either. It was huge and could have been rabid (that’s rabid not rabbit). As far as I knew, it was a race against getting 16 belly shots (nothing like a NASCAR race which goes in continuous circles…more like a drag race.) Anyway I won, and I live to tell the story. Hmmm, that was kinda therapeutic. I might have to tell some of the others. Let the ridicule begin.