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When we look at the past or are reminded we should not let it burden you down with a great whieght. You should learn from it and let it help you grow. Some times I let it hinder me but not for too long. Did I make mistakes you bet your ass I did. It would hinder me to a great deal where I would not want to leave my aprtment. It lead me to many suicide attempts. Now I look at it to make me a better person in all the aspects of my life. I anylize it so that I can correct what is a flaw in my being and not let it control me any more.
On June 2,2012 my dear Mum passed on from this world just two week's shy of her 60th birthday. It is still hard for me to deal with cause I miss her so much. My mum and I were very close, over the last ten years of her life it was just me and her that would celebrate my birthday alone. I loved it that way for it was just a special thing for the two of us. The other day I celebrated with friends for the first time and it was a wonderful party. It showed me how much my friends love me.
The week following my Mums death my brother and I packed up her stuff and stored it in her storage unit and did not look back. For over a year I just payed the bill and did not enter it till just a few weeks ago to go through it. I finally made the move to do so even though it cause's me to have great heart ache. Though I know that material things are not an extition of her it is only a memory of her. I am packing away what she wanted to pass on to the grandkids and keeping a few personal items for my self and either giving it away or selling it to raise money for her funeral expence's. It is very hard to deal with but it is also helping me to start more of the healing process. I will alwys love her, and I know she is in heaven and she will alays will be alive in my heart and mind.
