Saturday 1/31/2009...7:33 AM
"They Say"
When asked...I began to tell the story today...then i realized...there is no point...for what
does speaking of the past...or how we came to be here...have to do with a single thing???...
"They" say ..."let it out".."they" say..."its not healthy to keep it bottled up"..."they" say...alot of
things...
I wonder why???...because when the things "they" say...to let out...finally surface...
"they".... get uncomfortable....(ouch!!...oh poor "them")
"They"...slowly move away...so slowly...its like "they" dissipate...rite before your very long
dried eyes...
before you realize...
"They" have not disappeared...no..."they"...have gone...on their own voilition...
which causes a pause...( a very long...yet brief??? ...pause)
deep breath not possible...just a pause...
__-__---_____---__-__-_____----------silent...yet chaotic...turbulent...yet...with
validation...finally...validation_---_-____-----_
then...the cold streak...that cold...ice cold streak of reality...
it...hits you from behind...hard...
yeah....exactly...like a fuckin baseball bat!!!...(oh!!! how horrible!!!...crucify
him!!!)<<>>>"For The
Public Record")
Bang!!!...(1 time...not 11...again for the record)...in the back...of your
sober...stupid...blind...head...
There is no physical pain...(physical???...oh...now that is laughable!!!)...
that...kind of pain...has not been capable of infiltrating you for decades...
but instead...
a cutting...slicing...bloodless pain...from deep inside you kicks in...
that...is a pain far worse than any other ever "felt"...because...it is not "felt"...no...
it is...inside of you...all through you...in your very blood...
and it...just it being there...it is pumping through you...
in and out of your now poisoned and dying heart...
all because you trusted in...their...uh...(here comes the stupidity on your own part..;)..ready?)
all because you trusted in their concern...for...others(and or you)...(inserted brief
useless...quandry here)...(almost...laughable now)...well...
if you were able to laugh you would...but...you find you cant...because
you trusted...you did not want to lose that one decent piece of yourself...your ability to
TRUST...have FAITH...HOPE...
Trust( and the others)......were...the only things you had to hold on too...that/they...
were the lifeline...
that/they...was it...that was all there was left...
I hope..."they"...did not realize this when "they"... said to"let it out"...i truely do hope so...
for if "they" did...
I can only conclude..."they" pre-meditated...the "suggestion" of...self-homicide...
as your only
solution...
A most deceptive...cruel...yet...in retrospect...a very "human" thing...to "do unto others"...
You either understand the above...or...you don't...or ...you "won't"...so be it...I do not
care...which of the latter 2 it is...
For it is the "way" of the "herd"...to rid themselves of any guilt...which in fact...if...guilt were
even the case...
it was caused by their own selfishness...and therefore...deemed
self inflicted...and needless...(Do I see a pattern here!?!)...
Because...honestly???...only fear of reality...
the "fear"....of...
not...at "least"..."saying"..."something"...anything!!!...
(and once again...if laughter were possible at this point...insert it here!!!)...
(uh...being that...no one ever "asked" "them"...for a cure...a fix...or a means to a fix...
NO..one "asked" them for anything at all !!!...is the true reality)...(another
quandry<<brief one...k???)...
Maybe all they wanted..but would never ask for...might have just been a touch...a hand ...on a
hand...warmth...to feel warmth...to just know they were still amongst the living...yeah...just
maybe...(again...just a thought)...because...touches mean the world to some...the strength to
go on...(they are very inexpesive too...i often wonder what the big "fear" is all about...
(again...it doesn't matter...)...........(so yes laughter...insert it here also)...
So"they" did...what "they" were "told"...what was...the "godlike" thing to do!!!...but...
(just...one more bit of canned laughter...inserted here)...
"They" did it all...under the "guise"...(sounds like lies!?!..;0)...
of ...(and here comes thier saving grace...ready???)!!!.... under the "Guise" of
"Compassion"...
(btw...those 2 words???...were not meant to...nor...
should never be...anywhere near each other...never mind...
in conjunction...with each other)
Bottom line:
If there is such a thing as "Sin"...then...that "Fear"..."They"...fear...
is the "SIN"...the core...
the pure essence...of all..that is "Evil"...
Belle...aka...HellzBelle...
