Over 16,528,272 people are on fubar.
What are you waiting for?
Definitely an improvement playing some "Saturday In The Park" by Chicago here at work. Wow, I really miss my brother. Every time I hear this song it reminds me of him. We sang it at karaoke together and we were awesome. lol
This will be my 2nd Christmas without him. I was hoping it would get easier with time but it really hasn't yet. I guess losing someone you dearly love is never easy but it's particularly difficult when they take their own life. The wondering always haunts you - all those "what ifs". What if I could have helped somehow... What if I had been there to talk him out of it... What if he had continued with his medication... What if I had known what he was planning to do... What if, what if, what if... The what if's really don't matter because they aren't what truly was, if that makes any sense.
I'm making peace with it all because I know he's not in pain anymore. He had such a difficult life and I guess he felt he had enough. I just try to focus on all the great times we shared together. He'll always be a big part of me and who I am as a person. I'll always keep him with me in thought. I choose to focus on the good things in my life and fill my life with joy because I know he wouldn't want me to be any other way. If I sat around depressed all the time he'd kick my ass if he could. Still, this time of year always brings the pain a little closer to the heart because of time spent together with family. That empty space at the table and in the pictures can never be filled. All we can do is draw closer together with those we love who are still with us. Let them know how much we care and be thankful for every day we have with them.
I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
