A is for Alimony ... the gift that keeps on giving. B is for Balls ... which are now ours again. C is for Court ... where you finally find out the meaning of a good screw. D is for Divorce ... the alternative to ax murder. E is for Equitable Distribution ... another oxymoron. F is for Flatulence ... finally we can let loose without being criticized for causing the flowers to wilt. G is for Gandhi...someone you could actually say had lost weight without having to lie. H is for House ... which the bitch also got. I is for Inmate ... where you also get to room with Bubba when the child support is late. J is for Jewelry ... the former great equalizer. K is for Kids ... the best of everything. L is for Lawyer ... whose most recent vacation you just paid for. M is for Mother ... and Oh what a Mother Fucker!! N is for Not tonight, I have a headache. O is for Overdrawn ... what your checking account always was. P is for PMS ... what we say: "No, honey, you don't look like you're retaining water." ...what we mean, "No wonder there's a citywide drought." Q is for Quarter ... what YOU get for each dollar SHE gets. R is for Rehearsal Dinner ... should never have stayed for dessert. S is for Sex ... thank goodness she rolled in her sleep. T is for Throat ... the anatomic area she goes for in the settlement. U is for UPS ... the delivery guy you are on a first name basis with, and who spent more time at your house than you did. V is for Visa ... one of several cards she maxed out. W is for Wrong ... which you always were. X is for X chromosome ... I swear some women have more than two! Y is for Yacht ... maybe the next guy will have one. Z is for Zirconium ... I wonder if she ever figured out that all her diamonds were Cubic Zirconium.