tedarnold's blog: "Ted Wilson"

We stopped by a building as my daughter got out of the car. The building was called 'Phillips' as she stood in front of the door. Eyes big as saucers, she smiled ear to ear like the cat in Alice in wonderland.  That moment, seeing her smile, was priceless.                      

The building was a college dormitory. The event was her first day on campus. I guess a tear should have came to my eye but instead it was replaced by a wry smile on my face as the inside of my soul was filled with joy. She was finally on her own. The first day of college is usually filled with long lines and complete chaos of bodies and furniture and parents still telling their grown up kid what to do. However, for me, it was filled with smiles, joy, and laughter because i was nothing more than a tag along! I waited in line with my daughter for the different things she needed and asked her where she had to go next. She figured every thing out. The only thing I did was buy her lunch and of course, payed for her textbooks. We took pictures for the last time and hugged good bye. She called her grandma and said 'I am in my dormroom Nana!!' with the excitement of someone winning the lottery! Although I exaggerate,  there is nothing compared to being 18 and being free to make your own choices, to make up your own mind, free to do anything anytime. There is also nothing like being happy to go to the school  you want, taking the classes you like without being told what to take and what career you are going to do. My daughter is a grown up woman now and most importantly, she is free...

The Incredible Hulk, a fictional superhero with powers that comes from pure anger and rage and gets even stronger the more anger it gets, is an extreme example of what happens to us when we cant control our anger.

Is Anger Management necessary? You damn right it is. Even one fit of anger can cause a heart attack, an episode of angina, an episode of unbelieveable high blood pressure, stroke or paralysis, palpitation, restlessness, sleeplessness, hyperacidity, and break up in relationships.

Every thought that you think, every word uttered with anger has tremendous and devastating negative influence on your system. There is an ancient saying " If you want to know what your thoughts or emotions of anger were in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be in the future, look at your thoughts or emotions of anger today".

The emotion of anger is an expression of our own perceptions, our own thoughts, our own interpretations, our own experiences, and our own choices.  Thus, the emotion of anger is not a matter of chance, but it is a matter of choice.

What do we feel when we become angry?

Fearful, frustrated with negativity and cynicism, hostile, irritable, arrogant, insecure, vindictive, vengeant, jealous, hateful, violent, guilty, etc...Physically we feel palpitation, heaviness in head, high blood pressure, tremulousness, sweating, fast breathing, increased skin and muscle resistance, restlessness and sleeplessness.

How  does otheres feel who are around us or close to us when we become angry?

Stressed, tense, and hurt and may also get high blood pressure, restless, irritable, nervous and sleepless.

Classification of Anger

1) Righteous Anger

2) Unjustified Anger

Righteous anger is not long-lasting, it is superficial, and it does not change the body's biochemistry.  An example? Parents and teachers have rigteous anger at times with their children to maintain discipline. Righteous anger is always without selfish motive, it has roots in self-referral and not object-referral.

Unjustified anger is a long-lasting anger; it changes the biochemistry, and is always with a selfish motive, an egocentric mind and object-referral.

Anger can be classified into:

1)Rage - The Incredible Hulk - It is an expression of violent anger, usually destructive. it is a reactionary respose to any situation(problem), such as throwing around objects or breaking things into pieces.

2) Repression(Resentment): It is suppression of anger and directing it inwards. This is also harmful.

3)Indignation: It is controlled and positive anger such as righteous anger.

It can also be classified into:

Effective - this is healthy and positive.

Ineffective- This is sarcastic, hurting, insulting and violent.

Short Term Management

Anger exists in the mind and is the direct result of our thoughts.  An event does not make you angry, but your interpretation of the event, of how you  feel and think about it can lead to anger.

Avoid haste - it is the most common factor leading to anger

Avoid occasions which produce anger. Never be in a hurry.

Have time management and self-management. Go for your work quietly, lovingly, and gently.

Keep your mouth shut and lips sealed, whenever, you start feeling angry.  Take a few deep breaths evenly and deeply.

Divert your attention by listening to music.

Change the topic of discussion, if it is anger-provoking.

Go for a brisk walk.

Cout up to 100. 

I know these short term solutions may sound like a "yea right" or you might be giving the finger or waving your hand off to these suggestions but give them a try. One thing for sure, uncontrolled anger is horrible for your health, your immediate family and people who are your real friends, and sets a bad example to your kids, co-workers, and the one you call your significant other that you love.

Try to remember that before your 'Bruce Banner becomes the Hulk'.

Peace...

I wanted to share something with the fubar nation written in a book wrote by an associate of mine about relationships and other issues.

I am writing this in hopes of recieving an honest answer from  whoever reads what I am about to write.

There are 3 types of long-term, tangible, relationships you can have with another person.  Consider how you would feel if you were married or dating or the child of a person or even the employee of someone who treated you like this:

1.    He or she imposes rules on you without any explanation.  The only time you ever hear or see them is when  she or he is giving you a rule, letting you know you broke a rule, or punishing you for breaking a rule.  This is rules without a relationship or what I call the

        "Prison guard" relationship.

                  OR

2.     He or she gives you unlimited and unconditional love without any expectations in return.  You ask and they give, you do wrong and there are no consequences, the only time you call them is when you want something and they comply all the time.  This is a relationship without rules or what I calll the

         "Sugar daddy" or "Sugar momma" relationship.

                  OR

3.      He or she clearly states the rules and the consequences for breaking the rules.  He or she explains the rules and how the rules benefit him or her, you and the relationship.  He or she historically shows the benefits of the rules and the relationship or (except for the boss) he or she demonstrates his or her love for you.  When you break the rules there are consequences and when you follow the rules there are benefits.  This is rules and a relationship or a

          "Balanced relationship"

Be honest fubar nation, which one apply or has applied to you?

A.  Prison guard

B.  Sugar daddy, Sugar momma

C.  Balanced relationship

I am blessed to live to see another year.  I never take everyday for granted, and every birthday that I live to see, I look back to last year to see where I was and what I was doing, and what I was going through. One thing I have found out is life constantly changes and whatever you are going through - good or bad, doesnt last forever.  I am not saying good things come to an end but good things do change into something different.  Sometimes bad things,  but most of the time into something advanced.  There are times things play out like a television series, a season finale if you will.  Good, bad, the majority of life's situations come to a 'finale'.  Whether the situation is financial, personal, spiritual, relationships, or professional.  The point is, I am glad life changes and we need to look back at things not only bad or painful, but good things that happened to us as well.  The only thing we can do is learn from our life as we are blessed to live from year to year and although we will never have all the answers to everything that goes on in life, we can learn, appreciate, and move on.

I have moved on to my next phase of life.  I just turned 44 but it doesnt make me feel old, panic striken, or the so called mid-life crisses. To me, its just a number.  I still feel alive, healthy, and ready to complete my bucket list - yes thats right i made one last year.  I didnt wont to wait until I am in my 60's to do one. I have completed 1/3 of it and in 2011, I have already made plans to have at least 2/3's of it completed. 

I just wanted to share this because I am truley happy  and peaceful for the first time in years. There is no money in the damn world that can replace this feeling. 

Peace and take it lite...