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Tonight is one of those nights. I'm not sure what's going with me or why this is the timing. I just feel completely overwhelmed yet completely alone.Sometimes late at night I get to thinking or feeling this way and it's odd because im not a very mopey kind of girl and nothing brings it on. I guess all day I'e been hinking about the strangest things....old friends....my health....memories....past relationships that I will never quite understand the loose ends. I wish I could just put everything aside and smile at where I am....But no matter how happy I think I am, I know there's a lot missing. And I guess I'm just not sure how to fill that void. I guess pain is only skin deep, unless of course, it burns through every inch of your body....
Ok, as many of you know, I hit up my summer place this week. Well, one of my best friend's birthday celebration was this weekend at a few different bars to see a band I know. My friend has a thing for this singer in the band that I personally do not have much liking for but I think I am the only person in the world. I mean, yea, he is a nice guy and a good friend to me but there is nothing even the slightest bit appaling about. He' just flat out trashy (example, he likes to wear this belt that says cunt, draw attention to it and stand real close on the stage so its like eye level) and not all that attractive, in my opinion anyway....I don't know I guess he just is not my type. Anyway, every time we go out, my friends and of the rest of the crowd hang all over him like he is like Brad Pitt or something. And I will tell you, he is no fucking Brad Pitt....but of all the millions of fans, who does he hang all over? Me. WHYYYYYYY? Someone please explain to me why he needs my attention to, when he already has like 9,000, 000 eyes on him. No, in the middle of his songs he has to get in my face and sing and kiss my neck and try to pull me on stage. dude, leave me alone lol. and at the end of the show, my friend asked if she could have a birthday picture with him and he was like, sure. and he did. but thn he was trying to convince me to like lick his nipple for a picture. I was like, "what the fuck? no." and my friends like, "Oh she doesnt feel good." that was friday, then saturday, we go out again and the second my friend walks away, he runs over and starts dancing with me to see how im feeling and asks me for the picture again. meanwhile, all the girls are all excited to see him....blah dude, you do not need my attention....maybe one of these days he will learn he will never get someone like me. and learn that when he sings in my face, i am gonna continue to look past him or move away. lol Imean I understand he wants my attention because it's not easy and all but he' never gonna have it. It's aa simple as that. There's no intrigue there...at alll....Ugh, I wish my friends would learn to chose their band guys better....they dont all act like disrespectful, attention starved, sex obsessored seial rapists lol, most of them are decent guys.....but to each his own, I suppose.... Ok, I'll shut up now. lol MeandBryen.jpg WHYYYYY?????????? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??? Ok, fake smile.
Ok, I need to blog this out. It's been driving me insane for like a week now. Recently, I was told by someone I had just met, that apparently, I play games and ignore people intentionally....which (I don't know if any of you know me at all) is something that is a big deal to me. I'm not sure if you could get any further from the truth. I like to relax.....talk to people, get to know their story, grow, learn....I'm not fake, I don't ignore people, I try to respond as quickly as possible, and I am not a tease. I don't like "the chase" - being on either end of it actually. Like I said, if you like someone, you do. If you don't, you don't. I know with things it really depends on the gray areas and how you feelin that particular circumstance....but....I was watching Boy Meets World in the middle of the night last night when I couldn't sleep and Topanga said the most appropriate thing to how I was feeling afer all this contraversy, "I AM NOT A PRIZE AND I HATE IT WHEN GUYS CHASE ME. AND THE MORE THEY CHASE ME, THE MORE I GET TURNED OFF." lol. Look, I just like to have fun, have a good time, relax, so please don't come to me with your litle bullshit drama without an explanation or reason first. I don't like all the assumptions without even trying to so much as know me first. So leave me out of it. If you have a legiimate feeling of neglect from me or something I have done that bothered you, please just say to me, "Hey...what's going on?" It's as simple as that. I can tell you that right now....Because it's not personal. If I were pissed at something or if I didn't like you, you would have been told point blank. I HATE GAMES! I think, some people just like to make assumptions when they are afraid of getting hurt or afraid of falling. I totally understand that. And I'm sure this blog makes me sound like such a bitch, but I'm not. I just need to get it outta my mind. Because well, I do try to be the best person I can. And I refuse to let people who know nothing about me tear me down like they know everything about me...So drop the assumptions people, and just talk to me.... ...I have spoken.

Things I LOVE

untitled-1.jpg m_8e289d7d46c367f8a01928b005bfeb5e.jpg MY "WINDEX"!! Alex Ferrer...Mmmhmmm...yea, he's going on 47...but damn (ok shut up lol) JudgeAlexFerrer.jpg Cape May Beaches 768.jpg Sooo jealous of her...Sophia Bush....beautiful and talented actress... sophia.jpg OOh and this guy...James Lafferty... jlaf.jpg Usher.....yummy...Smoothest voice...sexy body.... untitled-2.jpg
"I am very much of the opinion that the only parent a child really needs in their life is the one who wants to be in their child's life. Not the parent who needs to be tracked down and made into a role model" -Judge Alex Ferrer "You miss 100% of the shots you never take" -Wayne Gretsky "When you're really drunk and you're a singer, you find yourself singing through the beer bottle and trying to drink the microphone....sorta...like...this" -Mike "So, as you guessed it, I reluctantly and begrudgingly put the twenty down on the box, took his dollar bill and said "thanks". I must say it was a pretty tasty pizza, but not really worth nineteen dollars." -TJ "Sometimes people put up walls not to shut people out but to see who cares enough to break them down" -Unknown Intense...... "What is camping for 200 alex" -Kristin "Holy shit, that's some straight up boner fuel" -Mike "Screw you, with some sexual harrassment on top!" -Dave "I'm coming over tomorrow. If you want. Then you can tell me a story...cuz there's always a story." -Jess "Look at his car....it's like a bumper car." -Shawn "He has the personality of a rock....come on, he could at least have a personality of a weed. They grow" -Laura "Can I be like 'Yo she gives good brain' " -Jim "Once you go Joe, you never go back." -Joey B "Turner's got it goin on." -The most awesome cop ever "This is not a matter of alcoholism, it's a matter of survival." -Turner "Everyone has their mate....Every pot gas a lid....Yea....He must be the misfit lid that got deformed in the dishwasher." -Diana "All girls are hot. Except the ugly ones" -Steve "What can I say, my heart is vulnerable...yea, I can use big words too...like din din" -Demitrius "Did you ever know that you're my hero? You're the wind beneath my....something....damn I forget the words." -Joey B "Thanks to everyone who has shown so much support and love to my sister Taylor Hicks, who won American Idol last year. She was barely recognizable on stage, and if you ever heard her singing in the shower you would swear she was a different person!!!" -Brady "What would a party be like if you didn't have Kevin 'party animal who tells stories of him getting hurt as a kid' Smith" -Kevin "You're not the greatest friends, but you're the best I can find at the time." -Tom H "She's a few sandwiches short of a picnic basket." -Anthony "Talk to the elbow and get the BUH-GOCK outta my face!!!" - Eric "What do you get when you combine the wit of Richard Pryor, the sex appeal of Brad Pitt, and the smarts of Doctor Phil...... Well not me but I bet he's a real steal" -Chris "I'd like to hit you over the head with a stick but I'm afraid candy will spill out" -Katy "Life is a ball, but only if you know it. You only live once, so make it count. Party like you'll never party again, forgive quickly, but never forget, and love like you mean it. There are too many people in this world that don't know how lucky they are, be grateful for all you have, because tomorrow, it may not be yours anymore." -Stevie Keys "Nah, but my bird misses you" -Demitrius (wow totally forgot about the parakeet lovin' me til he said this lol)

Random Taylorness

5'1" - 106 lbs. natural blonde hair - blue eyes. from pa... incomparible to any woman you have ever known before. _________________________________________________ 1. Water gets me more hyper than alcohol. 2. I make up my own words, like crazianity. I call it Taylorology - the study of Taylor. 3. I hate the phone. Like with all my being. 4. I'm commitment phobic and I do not believe in love anymore but almost always end up having a boyfriend. 5. I have a Tommy Hilfiger OBSESSION 6. I will honestly say that for the most part, I have the worst taste in movies. 7. I don't highlight or dye my hair. It is what it is. 8. I love to dance...especially on stage ;) And I can shake my ass to almost any song lol... 9. I should really be in my own comedy T.V. Show. 10. I am a fantastic flirt...unless I like the guy...then I completely ignore him (however, this is often case-sensitive as I am able to talk to anyone and I am very real) 11. I only take 10 or 15 minutes to get ready to go out. 12. I think the Jager song is one of the best songs ever written! My favorite band the Benderz in all their amazing glory sing it all the time at their shows. (My jager has a first name, its J-A-G-E-R....my jager has a second name, its MY-S-T-E-R...I love to drink it every day and if you ask me why I'll sayyyyyyyyyy.…“Ok this is the audience participation part of the show. On the count of 3, all you have to do is say ‘Whyyyyyyy Bill?’...Thats Bill” …”Im Bill”….“Ok…1 2 3...(Why bill) what the hell was that? That was terrible….drink more….by the end of the show you‘ll be really enthused….ok one more time….1 2 3 (WHYYYY BILL)…Becauseeeeeee Steve....Jagermiester has a way of getting ugly people laid.......…….it even worked last night.) 13. I am very impulsive and I hate to plan for anything. 14. I need weird guy repellent 15. I'm attracted to passionate (aka musicians- especially guitarists, artists, writers) and somewhat cocky guys with nice ankles (yes...ankles! don't ask). 16. I lovveeee taking pictures almost as much as being in them. 17. I never wear blue because it makes me look like I'm decaying. 18. I am allergic to most lotions, body-washes and soaps. 19. I drive fast...scratch that....waaaay too fast. Like Mario Andretti style lol. 20. I keep in touch with almost every person I've ever met. 21. I think I am the only girl on the face of the earth that hates (AND I MEAN **HATES**) Grey's Anatomy. You couldn't even pay me to watch it. If I had a choice of watching a 30 second clip of the show or stabbing myself with a pencil...I think the pencil would be a lot less painful. 22. My brother and I just started an internet radio comedy show (TayB Mail) thats a spin off from the formly JayV Mail which my friend Jason recently quit. We'd really apprechiate some listeners when we get it up and running (Details following) 23. Dating me is like baseball….you get three strikes then you’re done. No more chances…the only exception is cheaters and/or liars aautomatically lose their turn. I’m done and you will never get me back. 23. I do not like to feel like a sexual object- do not use me. I am better than that and I deserve better than that. FAVORITES: My Daughter, Poetry, Romantic slow old songs (like Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, Elvis, Nat King Cole) or 80's rock Music, Writing, Working Out, Red, 23, Strawberry Chardonnay Salad Dressing, Nicholas Sparks Books, Snowcones (aka Windex), Strawberry Lemonade or Regular Iced Tea, With or without you by U2.....so much meaning....makes me cry every time rip jmr :(, One Tree Hill, I'm a corn-ball. lol never liked the chick shows, but this one gets me. Maybe I just have a thing for James Lafferty, he explains a lot, Pictures, Bein silly and impulsive, pool (which i suck at), the beach, basketball (which im too short for anymore although I did play most of my life), surfing those jersey not waves, talkin Italian (parlo l‘italiano o l‘inglese?), eating, working out, shopping but not like most girls do (i go i buy fast im done), soft pretzels, salty foods, drinking any liquid lol, italian food, Chinese food, bread, fruit, yea i like to eat...but im picky, pleasin, tommy hilfiger stuff, vickie secrets, painting, drawing.... *I can get wet without water, make boneless things hard, and make men eat without cooking....what can you do?* LOL ------------------------------------------------- Im an open book: I am not your typical girl. I am proud of the person I am and the person I have become. I even dare to say I like how I am and I do not change for anyone. If you know anything about me at all, you will notice one thing. I am an overly friendly person....and Im honest. I like being outgoing so when I say I want to hang out. I do. When I say you're cool. You damn sure must be. When I like someone, you'll know it. When I dont, well, you'll know that too.If I want to meet you, I will walk up and introduce myself. I have come to the conclusion that the only reason someone could ever hate you is because you are everything they want to be. And another thing: if the only thing someone can say about you is that you are nice, they must not like you much at all. People who talk shit need to just stop. If I have done something wrong, I am not too proud to admit it. I'll confess and I will apologize. I fight my own battles and I am never afraid to speak my mind. I dont like to sugar coat the harsh reality and I expect the raw truth back in return. I dont hide what Im thinking. I dont hide what Im feeling. If I have something to say, you'll hear it. Please do the same. I will respect you more for that. But I am too nice at times. I take too much shit from people. I refuse to make myself feel inferior to anyone else because I AM NOT. I am a forgiving person. I dont hold grudges. I love to laugh, be silly and joke around...about everything. I am funny and I love to make people laugh. Step aside Adam Sandler, here I am world. I love to flirt. Im good at that too. Most times, it is natural. I dont go out of my way to do it. Listen to me, if I like you, I'll let you know. No games- upfront and honest. I expect the same in return. Which reminds me, if you're not honest, I wont date you. I wont wait around until you stop lying to me about whats going on. I know the truth and I will give up. If you're confused, tell me. It will help your chances better in the end. I hate drama. I respect myself too much to be in a bad relationship- I would rather be single. I'm not one of those girls always looking to be in love. I'm not looking for Mr. Right in my neighborhood and I sure as hell, am not looking for Mr. Right here. Who knows if Mr. Right even exists? As far as I'm concern, love doesn't really exist. And if it does, it will find you. I'm a huge believer in fate, but only in the sense that I puts you in situations, then it's up to you. I'm extremely impulsive. I'm one of those girls who'll kiss if there's an unexpected opportunity. I love to catch people off guard. I also love surprises!I guess I like the feeling of the unknown. I hate liars- the people who cant be honest with you from day one. I hate when guys are shady but I love when there is an essence of mystery in a relationship. I hate when people are scared of things they obviously want....but when it comes to love, that is me. I hate people who hesitate in relationships. You only have a certain amount of opportunities...why miss one? I do not wait around for relationships. If you want to be with me, then you do. If you dont, then you dont. its simple. Dont play games. Dont waste my time. Dont waste your time. Dont run. Make me keep from running myself. I hate when people obsess over what others think. Be your own person and decide for yourself. No one will respect you if you have no respect for yourself. It starts from within. I respect confidence. I love cockyness for that reason. Looks are not everything. And if you believe they are, then you're more superficial than the pimps and the sluts who think that they're god's gift because they got laid twice in a weekend by different people.I'd rather go months without anything, knowing that the next time I get involved is going to be increible and special. Sex is not like air. Its fun and exciting but it should not be the essence of life. People obsess over it but years from now, you won't remember all the times you did it, you'll remember the moments that made it all worthwhile....strive for those moments. I hate when people have a fear of openness about sexuality. Thats so not me. I am open about my thoughts and fantasies and if I could find someone who was the same way without making me feel used, you already won my heart. Because thats the key to be sexual enough to be desired and lusted after but not to treat someone like a sex toy. I get very pissed at people who dont wanna know anything about me but my body....Im not just a valcano of lust for a random stranger. I am better than that. I am very sweet. Almost to a fault. And I looooove kissing. You can learn everything about things from a kiss... I am adventureous and impulsive. I am always open for new ideas. I love to shock people by random impulse. I spend my days searching for that ultimate trill of a lifetime moment. I try to avoid coming between guy friends, cousins, neighbors, whatever at all times (but sometimes, I fail miserably). It's not worth the loss of their friendship. I am not worth it. I hate when people are mad at me. I know everyone says that but I really hate it, especially when the reason is dumb. It drives me insane and I will do nearly anything to fix it, especially if it is a person I am very attached to. Please please please don't involve me in such petty bullshit. I try my best not to hurt anyone- even people I don't like all that much. I fail a lot though because I always manage to do something stupid. I hate that. People who over- react to dumb things are ridiculous. They need to chill out and just deal with the truth. I am looking for friends and a boyfriend that I can trust. If you don't have that aspect, you dont have much of anything at all. Life is change- deal with it. I wish I could give everyone everything they wanted- but unfortunately, I can't. I am not God (although, it was questionable for a while there...just kidding). I hate people who say "Im busy" Everyone is busy. But the truth is you always make time for what you want to. I always make time for the people I care about no matter how extensively busy I am, I am there....even if it it drop them a quick email or a call on my drive somewhere, I always check in. I will do anything for anyone. I love my friends and my family. Mess with them- mess with me. We travel in packs. I hate smoking. I just dont understand the appeal. I dont care if you smoke though, I mean, its not a huge deal....Its just not my thing. I refuse to be even remotely involved in drugs of any kind. I hate people who drink too much because "its cool" or "they wanna get slammed" I have a newsflash, you act like morons when you are completely obliverated all the time and the only reason one should drink is if they enjoy the taste. Ok, I drink. I love the taste lol. But it's something I can, in fact, live without. I dont know where I would be without my occasional long island iced tea or windex (haha steve) or shots (I love my shots of windex, nerds, crown, jager, or redheaded sluts). But it is not my life, nor will it ever control me. I dont like lazyness for the sheer fact that it is boring. I can not imagine being a lazy person or dating one. Working out, sports, even just walking- all crucial aspects to my very existance. I am not afraid of competition. In fact, I love it. Im a klutz- I trip, I fall. Im not always smooth. I say dumb things and I dont think before I talk...I am very opinionated. I am a great multi-tasker. Im mature enough to know you dont always get what you want in life. I understand that life sucks and never seems to quite work out. Somehow, I screw up alot. I always say or do something stupid. And I never think beforehand. I have no regrets. I do what I want, when I want and how I want. And I dont care about your opinion. *No one can make you happy. That is something that is entirely up to you. Throughout your life, there will be many contibuters of happiness, but it all comes down to you and your reactions to things. Life is based on passion. Nothing more nothing less. Be passionate about at least one thing in the course of your lifetime. Choose your passions wisely and follow your heart* ......I HAVE SPOKEN.....
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