This is my story…. . . .
My journey…. . .
My life. . .
By: Angel Dark.
My whole life has been an ongoing nightmare, one monster after another coming after me, close calls with death, and times when I should have died. Who am I? You don’t know me. You think you know me but you have no clue, not even an idea. My name is Angel. You still think you know me, but you’re wrong! You only know what I want you to know.
Might as well start from the beginning. I was never wanted by my mom. My whole life has been one person after another trying to kill me, the sad part is that the main person is my mom. She’s not really my mom though. She’s not even my mother. Confused? Well moms are supposed to love you and take care of you right? Well if she’s been trying to kill me and seeing how she’s never loved me then she cant be my mom can she? She’s the thing that gave birth to me. I can’t say gave life because she’s been trying to take my life since it began. Trying to make me breathe my last breath. She’s had her boyfriends try and kill me she even tried to have an abortion and I lived through it. Messed up huh? Still think you know me? You’re still wrong.
Through all that there’s still more. Hard to believe that I lived through all that and shocked that there’s still more? Well I’m not going to go into much detail about this part but I will tell you that from 11-14 there is no reason that I should have lived. The only reason I’m still here is because I found one of my best friends in the world, William. He sort of appeared out of no where, but I’m so glad that he did or I can say that I wouldn’t be here right now telling you this. There you go again saying yes I know you, and again you’re wrong you only know what I’ve told you. You’ll never know me. I managed to survive through all of this with help from a few other people along with William. I now have moved in with my dad. You probably think the problems are all better now right? Wrong again, now I have new problems…
Now that I live here with my dad its true that I don’t have to worry about being killed all the time, however I am still fighting to keep my sanity. Having to leave William has torn me apart and I’m not totally sure what to do. One of the only things that has been a totally good thing from moving is the fact that I am now able to be more of the person that I want to be. I now can chose to be the religion that I choose. I am pagan! Think what you will of me. This is what makes me happy and although I’m sure you wouldn’t understand anything about it, it just so happens to be one of the most greatest religions around. Its one of the main reasons that I still have my sanity. Although I’m not very sure how much sanity that really is. . . Well once again you think you understand how I feel and you think that you know who I am. Once again your still wrong. By the time I’m done with this you will finally realize that you don’t know me. You’ll stop thinking that you do, and yet you’ll still know more about me then when we began. Confused again?
I have problems with trust and I can honestly say that I have a really hard time loving people because all I know is pain and hurt so that’s all I can seem to do to other people. I try to show people that I care and all I do is hurt them. I would really like to find someone that I could be with and relate to. Everyone that I seem to come in contact with I hurt. I’m afraid to let people into my heart because I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want people to know the real me because they would never look at me the same. They would be scared forever and I cant stand the thought of doing that to anyone I care about. Now do you understand? You don’t know me. You’ll never know me. You don’t want to know me. You pretend to care but in reality you don’t. Life is just a masquerade. Everyone is wearing a mask. Is there really anyone that is really the person that they really are? No, we live in a world of fake people full of hurt and pain, but you know what? They don’t know what pain really means. They think they know but they don’t. They think that their life has been hell, but they will never know the things that I’ve been through. Most people wouldn’t even live through a day in my life.
You see me smiling as I walk by you, I’m not really happy. That is the face I chose to put on so I don’t get asked questions. Is something wrong? Something’s ALWAYS wrong. I don’t think that I can ever make anyone understand that. Even if I can’t tell you what it is there will always be something wrong. That’s just the way that my life is no matter what I do. Being pagan helps with that in a few ways. Learning to meditate has helped to calm me when I don’t know how to handle the thoughts I have or the stresses of my day. You’ll see, you don’t know me, you don’t want to know me. When you look into my eyes can you see the pain and hurt I try to hide? No because I don’t give you that chance.
I keep fire in my eyes to continue my mask, twisting your visions of me. You’re my puppet, you’ll always see me in the way that I want you to. Freaked out? Good! Once again you still don’t know me. Yet you keep reading, letting me farther into your mind. I know what you think, I know how you feel. I know you because I can see through you. Now you wonder why I know you but you don’t know me. It’s because I have power. After all I’ve been through it’s taught me many things. Whether your old, or young, I’ll still see through you, you’ll never know me. You don’t want to know me.
I have friends all around me, all they want is for me to be happy. Just because they want it will it happen? No! they sit around and complain about their lives and how bad they have it, all I want to tell them is to live a day in my life and see if they would even live. No one understands how hard it is to listen to other people complain about things they think are horrible when all you do is think, i wish I could have had it like that. Instead I had it so much worse that most of my friends probably couldn’t even imagine it. People say don’t be a drama queen and they ignore what happened to me. They do all of this because they cant believe that something like that could or would happen.
