RonStryker's blog: "stryker_beyonds lil rants"

I don't know if I post this for my friends and family to keep informed or I keep this up to somehow help myself. I know alot of people don't even read this blog. That's fine. Maybe I just need to do this to get it out of me. If I don't then at times I feel I would go nuts. As most of you know my grandfather has been in the hospital. In the past 3 weeks he was sent to another hospital and they preformed heart surgery on him. I have been at this hospital either sleeping in the waiting room or at a hotel room across the street from the hospital. He had the surgery and while on the table his heart stopped soon as they put him to sleep. They had to thump his heart back pumping again. They fixed what they needed to in his heart but left his chest open cause of fluid and pressure on his heart. So basically they put some to plug the space between his open chest and the air and bandaged him up. They docs came up and told us all that had gone on and that it was touch and go if he would survive the first night. My sis and I stayed in the waiting room overnight and the docs lets us back to see him. What we saw shattered both of our hearts. Our grandfather,the man who raised us, hooked up to so many tubes and lines and hoses down his throat. I could not hold back my tears. It shook both of us to our utter core. We tried to be strong on that first visit but all visage of that was taken. We held each of his hands and talked to him. Hoping that somewhere he would hear us. He made it through that first 24 hours. The nurses and docs said that maybe our words helped him in some way. He would remain in a medicated coma for the next two weeks. They closed his chest the weekend after the surgery. They began to try and get fluid off of him. He will have to be on kidney machines at least 3 times a week regardless of what happens.For now they have him on a 24 hours process to clean his blood and kidneys so long at his bloodpressure can handle it and then they have to stop the process. His body is swollen from all the fluids. His eyes have pockets from where the swelling makes them go inside out. They have put special boots on him to make sure he does not develop what is called drop foot. He still has the ventilator breathing for him. Another tube in his stomach and IVs seemingly everywhere. They cut back on the sedatives last week in the hope of waking him. One day his eyes opened but it was if nothing was there. He did not react to voices or any other stimulus. We would see him swallowing around the tube in this throat and the docs say thats reflex. His eyes might turn and look like they are looking at you. Reflex. Everytime you think we are making a big turn it seems a door goes back up. They docs and nurses say that he should be more alert by now. He should be trying to "buck" the ventilater. They think he may have had a stroke at some point after the surgery. One thing to think about is that a couple days after the surgery my sis and I were back there with him and he kinda awoke up and for a minute tired to grab the tube going down his throat. With his chest being open they did not want him being to aggitated and thats when they put him into the medicated coma. So my sis and I both saw more of him then. That is almost what we would need to see now and he cant even hold our hands. Today they had planned to get a Cat Scan done to see what is going on neurologically. However they felt since they would have to unhook alot of things he needs now that it might be more tramatic to do so. Word came this morning from my sis that she tickled his foot this morning and his big toe moved. It might and stress might appear he may have turned his eyes to a voice. Again its hard to say because it could be reflex. We have had so many false hopes we dont want to add on to it again. Of course we pray for the lord to reach down and wrap his arms around our grandfather and bring him back to us. We also know we need to prepare ourselves for the fact that maybe the grandfather we knew is no longer there. We all have beaten ourselves up because we want so much to think "Ok we are gonna go back and see him and he will be sitting up and no tube in his throat and he talking away" For 3 weeks we have hoped and prayed for that. Yesterday I had to tell the man who raised my sis and I happy fathers day to eyes staring at nothing. Breath coming from a tube and hands not feeling mine. I had to come back home last night because I need to be here for the kids. One part of me feels like a left him there. That's what they cant prepare you for. That life goes on. Bills still have to be paid. Meals have to be fixed. You want to scream to the world "Dont you realize that my grandfather is dying and cant you just stop" It just dont work that way. I was laughing last night to show and then I felt ashamed for laughing when my grandfather is fighting for his life. It seems everything you do once you stop you go "God how can I enjoy anything when he is laying in that bed". Just doing this I have fought back tear after tear. One thought keeps going through my mind over and over. The day of his surgery we all were gathered around him in his pre op room and he was joking and talking with us. We walked him to the elevator that would lead him down to surgery. The whole way he was talking to us and being more worried about us. I am still recovering from my own surgery and he was talking about me not getting worn out on his account. He had even said that I did not need to come all the way to that hospital just for this surgery. That he would be alright. Of course I had to go and it eats at me. That might be the last thing we all ever hear from him. Everytime I see him and the visit is over and I go back to the waiting room that is what goes through my head and there is no way I cannot not cry. I may be grown but we all know family is family. So now its in the Lords hands. If he wishes for my grandfather to come back to us then he will grant that. If he decides he wants another angel at his side then I wish he would do it and to not hurt my grandfather anymore. I want the man I love so much to find peace one way or another. I cannot think everyone so much for all the prayers and best wishes that have been given not only to me but my family. I don't think we can ever repay the debt of kindness and love we have received. I can only hope they realize every word has meant so much to us and carried us through some of these dark times. I also pray that no one has to ever go through this. I can only say that if any of my friends ever face this I will not forget and I will be there for them. I hope and pray. RON

The past couple of weeks have been a stressful time for my entire family. My grandfather has been in the hospital for the past two weeks. Weekend before this one he was even in ICU and we honestly did not know if he would be coming out of there. He improved and thankfully has been able to stabilize somewhat. Today he was taken to another hospital where they have more specialized heart doctors. In fact he is at the same hospital that I had my surgery at just a couple of weeks ago. My grandfather is 85 and is really high risk for heart surgery. The doctors are gonna run some more test tomorrow and see if it would be possible to get him back to where he was before all this began with just medicine. All of us have been extremely stressed. My uncle(his son) came from Denver when grandfather went into the hospital. So the entire family has come together. My gf has been making sure she gets me to the hospital before she goes to work so I can sit with him. Since I am still healing from my own surgery I stay long as I can and then get driven home by either my uncle or brother in law. My sister has been holding up and making sure she tries to stay overnight when she can. Now that he is in another hospital its gonna be hard for me to see him. Long rides with this neck right now just dont feel good and I could end up worse and right beside him. So long as he is ok I will try and get there when I can. If he worsens I will get to the hospital come hell or high water. We lost grandmother in 2003 and my sis and I were raised by grandfather and grandmother. So you can imagine our concerns. As for me I am trying to heal still. The neck brace has caused me to break out in rashes. We have now put wash clothes over the pads on the brace to try and keep it from rubbing so bad. With this heat though it itches like hell. Sandy has been a real blessing. She has kept the pads cleaned and has rubbed down my neck when she takes the brace off. She has been doing everything around here cause I can not lift a thing till July. She is a true trooper and I love her very much for all she has been doing. I have to sleep in a recliner because I cannot lay flat. Sandy says I actually stop breathing at some points during the night. Not to mention the pain was just to much. The recliner has been a blessing. I hate not being able to sleep in our bed but for now I guess we have to put up with it. So I sleep in the living room now. Well I think that's enough for me right now. I pray for my grandfather and my family and all my friends who have been helping me during this entire month. Taking it one day at a time....RON

As many of you know I went into surgery this past friday and I got out today. (Sunday). Sandy and I went to Pitt Memorial in Greenville NC at 5:30 am friday morning. I was in pre-op within a hour or so and in surgery by around 7 30 am I can best guess. I remeber being in pre-op and having the entire surgery team stopping by and different times to discuss what was gonna be done. For those that forgot I was having C6-7 in my neck fused. They took the disc out and put in a piece of bone and fused it all together . I now have C4-7 fused in my neck. So anyway I meet the entire surgical team and they give me a pre shot. That is the last thing I remeber till I got to my room after the surgery. I remeber a couple things from the recovery room. Like seeing my mother and Sandy but then I dont remeber anything. The first real thoughts I can remeber was being in my room I would be in for the next few days. Sandy says the doc came and saw her after I was out of surgery. He told her they had to give me more drugs during the surgery cause I woke up in the middle of it and tried to sit up. Funny thing is I did the exact same thing when I had surgery on my knee. So I guess it takes a lil bit more to keep me under. So now I am out of surgery and am in my room. I wake up with all this stuff attached to me. Things wrapped around my legs to keep from having blood clots form there. A tube coming out of my neck to get blood where they went into my neck. Heart monitors to keep a eye on that. A thing on my finger keeping a eye on they oxygen in my blood and a air mask on my face. Not to mention the morphine drip and IV in my hands to give me meds and saline. Needless to say I had alot of shit hooked up lol. I don't think I could ever do the nurses justice. They were above and beyond some of the best I have ever dealt with. They were on top of everything the whole time. One thing I noticed is that in most hospitals that I have been in you might get a few nurses on a entire hall to keep eye on patients. At Pitt the rooms were made into pods. 4 rooms to a pod and each pod had 3 nurses apiece. So you had one on one nurses big time. Anytime I hit the nurses call button someone was there in a minute. I never had to wait for anything. That made my stay a whole lot easier. Sandy god bless her was with me. She stayed long as she could friday. Went to work and came back and slept in a recliner friday night. Saturday she went to work from the hospital and came back and by then the nurses had gotten her a cot so she slept in that saturday night. I had told her to go home to sleep but she would not hear of it. She was not gonna leave me up there alone. I also got visits from my mother,grandfather,lil nephew and my sister and I loved seeing them all. Those some of the visits I was a bit dozed in. I also got a bunch of calls from people and I appreciate each of them. Went through saturday and was able to get up and get a few walks in with the nurses help. I took small trips around the ward. Then back to bed and hooked back up again to all the stuff. I slept off and on and watched TV. I got to watch the race saturday night and fell back asleep before i could even see the post race interviews. Got woke up a few times at night to be given meds and what not. They finally took the line out of my neck saturday night and cut the stitches away from that. By sunday morning I had everything unhooked from me. Was free to move around on my own then. Sunday morning the nurses wake us up around 7:30 am and say I am free to go. They knew we wanted to leave early so we could pick up the girls for mothers day. One nurse even stayed past her shift to help get us going. So we left and we got back here. The day has gone good. I can tell I need to keep up with the meds. The pain is horrible and I did not realize how much the morphine drip was keeping the pain off me. Now I realize that lil point lol. Gotten alot of calls and messages online from friends and family and God bless everyone for getting in touch with me. I really do cherish everyones concern and can't say enough thank yous to everyone. Well thats been my weekend. Finally clead my head enough to do this real quick. Hope all my friends and family are doing good and thank everyone for the good wishes. RON

Hey everyone. Just sitting here today trying to take it easy. I go in tomorrow for pre op for my surgery friday. I will find out which kinda surgery I will be having then. I can't wait to get this finally over with. Was watching the race last night and was enjoying seeing Dale Jr leading going into the last 4 laps and then you get that bitch ass Kyle Busch running into him. Man I got pissed off as hell. I could not believe what I saw. After the race Kyle made out like it was no big deal. Funny to me the same thing happened to him during the NationWide race and he went after the driver Steven Wallace after the race in the pits. Guess it just shows where the character of a man is. Dale Jr was dejected and sounded more than pissed off after the race. You could see him biting his tonuge after the race trying to not cuss on the TV. It may not be the next race but I bet that number 18 car is gonna get a lil pay back eventually on the track. I bet next race he wins he will get more shit thrown at him than Jeff Gordon ever had thrown at his car. Well I think thats all I got for now. Just waiting to see what kinda surgery I will have. Hope all my family and friends are doing good. Later RON

Well Easter has come and gone. We did the family thing over at my grandfathers. Dennis(my brother in law) cooked out on the grill. He cooked up a shitload. We had steaks,italian sausage,burgers and hotdogs. Swear I got stuffed. After dinner the kids had a easter egg hunt. I was not able to be outside with them for that. The pain I was in just did allow me to do it. Still the kids had a blast and thats whats important. It was nice to spend time with everyone. UNC still got it going in the NCAA tourney. They made it to the Sweet 16. I hope they can continue this and get to the final game. Duke sure as hell wont be there lol. No race this weekend expect for the Nationwide series. Scott Wimmer won saturday edging out Clint Bowyer. I see the doc next monday. I can’t wait and I am hoping we go ahead and set up the surgery date. They put me on a lidocain patch on top of all my other meds. Wish like hell something worked. Sick of having to miss so much with this shit ugh!!! Well I hope all my friends had a safe Easter and had a great time. Holla everyone RON

I sit here listening to the wind outside. It’s been blowing pretty good today. Got me to thinking about how much time I have been sitting here. Inside and hurt. Soon it will be almost 6 months that I have endured.. Endured alot of pain with this ijury and still waiting to hopefully have surgery soon and can start to move on past it. Half a year basically stuck indoors. At times it gets me really depressed. I think what else can go wrong. It can get rather looney when you have so much time to sit and think. I wait for my girl to get home so I can ask her about her day and enjoy company with her. With anyone at this point. She has kept my spirits up beyond belief. Some of my friends call and help also to keep me going. One friend even came up from Ga to boost my moral.(thanks Mikey). At times when I feel most down I reflect back on what my friends and family have been trying to do for me. They try their best to help me realize I can get up everyday and still keep going. I hate the pain more than anything. Yet I have also seen the compassion of others through and because of it. It’s amazing how we weave our lives intwine with so many others. Outside the wind still blows. This past weekend was rather good. My UNC Tarheels won the ACC Title. They had me worried a couple games but they pulled it through. My friend Caws team Duke lost and boy was he ever pissed off lol. We are hoping our teams make it to the finals and meet up again. That would be pretty wicked I think. Dale Jr managed another top 5 finish at Bristol. I thought that was pretty good and he keeps getting these tops 5-10 finishes and staying in the top 10 in driver points. Hell of a improvement over last year. Yea Team Hendrick has not won a race yet but give them time. People already bitching cause Dale has not won a race. Gimmie a break. He is racing way better than last year. Has better cars than it a long time and people still not gonna be happy. Yea I want him to win as bad as anyone but you gotta look at the positives that he has going on now way past previous seasons. Yea I know he wants a win. I also can bet anyone he is fucking happy as hell to be having the season he is having right now. Give the guy some time and I am pretty sure this year he will find victory lane. Easter is coming up and I am hoping my back lets me spend time with them. Gonna do my best to try and last a full day with everyone. Though I know most of the time I will be on the couch. Least I will be there to try and enjoy what I can. I hope all my friends and family have a safe holiday. Already know sunday the roads will be busy. We have the girls this weekend so is gonna make it even more fun. Well gonna see how the rest of the day goes. Everyone take it easy and be safe. RON

Well here I sit again at home. For some of you that do not know I have been out of work since around NOV. I fucked up my back at work. I have a bulged disc. They have tried everything to get it to heal but nothing has worked. Tried physical therapy and that did more harm than good. Taken so many meds I could start my own pharmcy. The past two weeks I have been getting injections put into my back. The hope was they might relieve the disc and let it slide back in. Well the only relief it gave was a few hours away from the bad pain. I have had surgery on my back before and I know what is coming soon. Frankly at this point I want the surgery just to hopefully be a end to the pain I suffer every minute of everyday. It has been horrible to say the least. I try my best to keep up a good spirit but wont lie and say it has been so. The pain has left me at times feeling like a child lost in a forest wanting to find a way out. It eats away at me. Sleep is a blessing when I can stay asleep. I sleep almost in spirts. Maybe 5 hours here. 3 here. Almost everyday I end up falling asleep on the couch. It might be for a couple of hours or as light as 30 mins. Yanno you remeber starting to watch a movie and then all of a sudden you are looking at the credits and going what the fuck! Mike a good friend of mine came over yesterday and I tried to put on a good front while he was here. Meaning I tried not to be bent over like a question mark from the pressure and pain put on me. Talked to another friend of mine Russ last night and he said I was being overly stubborn and I honestly had to agree. I just hate anyone seeing me looking like the wreck I am. No reason to sugar coat it..I look like a hobbit wobbling around. I get another shot tomorrow. I look forward to it for only a few hours of relief it will give me. I just want something to stop the pain. During this whole affair I have to admit when my spirits have been down. My girl Sandy has been there for me in so many ways. I dont know if I can ever repay her for the love and devotion she has given me during this time. Making sure I get to all my appointments. Helping whenever I dont even ask for it. Trying to keep my stubborn ass in check whenever she can lol. I love her so much and I pray she never faces anything like this on her but if anything should have happen to her I know damm well I will be at her side like she has been to mine. I cant do anything around the house and she does not complain. In fact if I even try to pick up a piece of cloth on the floor she fusses me out. I so love her. Other people have also been a help during this time. My friend Mike came up from Ga. this weekend and stopped by. It was a joy to see someone and be able to talk to them in person. Having been basically shut in for so long it was awesome to see friendly face. He offered for me to go with him to the Atlanta race. I so wish I could but the body is damm sure not willing. Caw has also kept my spirits up. We talk on the phone and through here all the time and I even got to see him over xmas. Even today we were bugging on the phone about the race. I hope to see him again soon. Russ and I are two old friends also who as of late have finally been able to get back in touch with each other. (Thanks to myspace). I got to talk to him on the phone Sat night and again was great to hear another friend giving me encouragement. I may not be able to get out much but I know there are people out there to support me. Of course I cant leave out my family. They have also been a big support for Sandy and I during this whole ordeal. With Sandy working and I am only getting a workmans comp check money has been tight. They have made sure when possible that we did not go wanting. If either food or a loan till a payday. They have kept a helping hand the whole time. I owe them a great debt of gratitude. Not to mention the emotional boost they all have been giving Sandy and I. I cannot fail to mention of the friends online who have also leant me their support. So many ppl that I could not mention everyone. You know who you all are and I cherish every moment of support I get. It was nice this weekend to see UNC get a hard fought win from boston college. They really had to fight back and pressing boston team. Come monday we will be 1 in the nation. Caws Duke team also had a challenge to overcome in NC State. They were able to also pull out a 1 point win. He and I already talking about when our teams meet again this weekend. Though this time UNC will win hehehe. God it was awesome today to see Dale Jr get a 2nd place finish in Vegas. He might not have won but to put up such a strong showing is damm better than not finishing the race or placing low on the final order. He also jumped to 10th in the season points. Now he needs to stay there. He is already receiving the fruits from moving to Team Hendrick. Still find it weird that I now pull also for Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson. Along with Cassie Mears. lol Dale is my driver and since he is driving for Hendrick then I have also been pulling for those guys. The rest of Team Hendrick had a horrible day though today. Jeff had a hideous crash towards the end. Luckly he walked away. Johnson never had a car today to do anything and ended up I believe 2 laps down. Casey was never in the picture really either. Carl Edwards had the class of the field today and I think Jr was happy to get the 2nd place finish. Yea of course he would take 1st but he does look at the big picture.There is a whole season left. Well I think I burned the midnight oil on this one so I am gonna get let this blog end for now. I am sorry I dont do so many but honestly I forget sometimes. I hope all my friends and family are doing well. I cherish all of you who have been and still are helping me through this wretched time in my life. Ron Stryker

Its been a long time since I left a blog on here. Things have been rather hectic for me over the last few months. Ever since November I have been out of work due to a injury to my back. Still employed but on workmans comp right now. Wont go into details but needless to say I fuckered my back up pretty good. Right now I have a bulging disc and for the next month we are trying physical therapy and shots in my back to treat it. If those do not work then the doctor said I will need back surgery again. I have already gone through this type of thing once before so I know what goes on with this type of thing. Dont really look forward to more surgery but will have to wait and see what happens with the treatments. On to other things. My gf and I are still going strong. We are still together and things could not be better. We bought her a car a couple weeks ago. Her own car finally blew up. Got her a nice 2005 dodge neon. Got to admit that its nice to have a reliable car now. I have not driven the van in ages cause of insurance and just trying to save on gas money for both of us. We have been trying to watch the money as best as possible. The new Nascar season will be starting next month and I cant wait to see Dale Jr in his new ride and having a very strong support team behind him. Though I am no big fan of Jeff Gordon you have to admit that having him and Jimmie Johnson all on the same team is gonna make for a very impressive racing team. Dale can only improve immensly from having backup on the track and in the garage like that. My UNC Tarheels are off to a good season this year. We lost a close game to maryland and honestly that was fine with me cause now at least the pressure of going the whole season without a loss is over with and they can get down to playing ball and winning without that distraction. Hoping for the ACC title at the least and the NCAA title at the most. My friend Caws Duke team is playing well to and I hope its both are teams in the tourneys end. The SuperBowl is coming up. Giants and Pats. Cant really say who is gonna win this. Course logic would say Pats. Still its the big game and anything can happen. NY can step up and surprise the world. Pats could have the one horrible game of the season and the biggest upset can happen. Should make for a interesting game. Least I hope so and not one of those big huge blow outs that so often happens in the Super Bowl lol. Well I think thats all I got for now. I hope all my friends are doing well and having some fun with you can. Everyone take it easy. Peace Ron

Well its been a while since I left a blog anywhere. Something happened last night that kinda made me need to just get out some things. I was on yahell with a friend of mine and during our talk she told me about how sad she was feeling. Work was going bad and her husband who is in the AirForce was still in another state for cross training. She felt alone and useless. I spent the next 4 hours reminding her of all the things that make her a joy unto this earth and why she should not let anything get her down. After 4 hours she finally found the strength to not do anything well...stupid. I think you know what i mean. It got me to thinking about this time of year for so many. Many ppl call this time of the year the silly season. A big holiday and being alone at this time of year could be misery. I prayed last night for all the people that ever have to deal with this that they find a friend..a light in their dark to help them through like i did my friend. I thought of our brave troops scattered all throughout this world. Far from home and without their familys but only in thoughts and dreams. I prayed for them. During this time of year it should be a joyous time.I will take much joy with my family and enjoy the time i get with them. Still i will hold in my heart those that cannot be with theirs. Hold them in your hearts as well. To all my friends on here you have my love to a wonderful holiday season. I only ask you keep a ear cocked and a heart open because you never know who among us will need that friend their for them on a lonely night. Happy Holidays and much love to this world God created. We have not forgotten the true meaning of the birth. Ron Stryker

Yesterday I was on a delivery for the company I work for and I witnessed a wreck. Soon as I saw I whipped our work truck around to respond. I hope anyone would. My coworker and I came up to the car and all these people were standing around just looking at it. Just standing there. No one was going to check on the car in the ditch. Who was in there? What shape were they in? My coworker and I took the scene over. I went down in the ditch and started giving first aid to the people in the car. In the car was a dad in the front seat. In the back was a girl about maybe 8-9 years old and a infant in a car seat. My heart went into my throat when I saw the lil one. I check on the dad and at the time he was aware and could give me his name and I knew he was not in shock. The girl was the same way. Scared but ok. The infant was in her child car seat and just sat there like nothing happened. I realized how fragile life could be right then. If this car had gone another way it would have plowed head first into another car. If the car had hit the ditch wrong and flipped I would have been looking at a seriously hurt family. The EMTs arrived and said I did a great job taking care of this wonderful family. The dad ended up with back injuries. I had kept him strapped into his seat till the EMTs arrived and it turned out to be the best thing. Once he turned to get out the car is when his pain hit. Luckly the EMTs were prepared and we put him on a back board. I hope that after they left me that everyone ended up ok and this family moves on. Yea the dad was to blame for this wreck but in the end does it matter. I keep thinking back to the kids and am so grateful that God reached down and put that car even wrecked right where he did. If you have kids just take a minute and go look at them and be thankful that no one had to go look at them like I did yesterday when I came up to this car. To all my friends here I am grateful to see you and talk to you every time I get a chance. Hug you kids or your loved one. Ron Stryker