SeanGiovanni's blog: "Stories from the Road"

Ok it has now been brought to my attention that while at Hooters Brow beating bottom feeders that I missed some funny things we said and did and Barry is bitching about. So during the how do you live with yourself comments, One of us busted out this Beauty," I mean seriously you would never give this mark the time of day. Seriously he could not get laid if he had a $100 bill taped to the end of his dick." But Barry proved something extremely important, No matter how much you beat a bottom feeder they still do what you tell them. So after last call Barry wants another beer and tells us that he bets us he can get Moron to give him another one. He calls her over..."Hey I want another beer." "Its past call," she murmurs. I point out that at two beers for the price of the big ones she owes him one. She still says no I call bullshit.... Barry breaks out this beauty... "You get me another one if you can and I pay alot for it." And sure enough the bottom feeder returns with his beer. He pays and tips her and goes "That just proves my point. You will do anything for the money." WHORE Barry if I am missing something please do feel free to whine and bitch at me Later. SG

It started as any weekend should....I woke up. Ok so its Friday about noon. I get a txt From Michael ( Names have been changed to protect us from the stupidity that ensues.) and I quote " I get of at 6 then we procede to burn the Nam down." So sure enough 6 rolls around and we go to the mall to get suited up for the coming disaster. Now we get to a store and this stupid ass Clerk starts fawning over Michael. "What do you like wrestle or something?" and so on and so forth. So 45 minutes later with an intense desire to hurt this young "woman" (put in quotations because I am not sure what it was) we finally escape from the store. We look at one another with that knowing look that says this is going to be the weekend we die. So we start the trip to the NAM. If you have been there you know from Joplin its about an hour to an hour fifteen. We make it in 45 minutes and only almost get pulled over 3 times. So far so good. We are walking to the bar and i mutter, "We are so going to Jail tonight." As we prepare to cross the street I eye some Chrstian Fantics. Now those of you that know me that I am not a fan of conventional religion but I leave those that are alone. Not tonight.... These Douche Bags are wearing signs on Dickson street(The bar district of the NAM) that say shit like " A christian woman should be home cooking and obedient." Now for whatever reason this offends the shit out of me. I spout of Totally offensive and Michael grabs me telling me to shut up. We walk into the bar and Michaels first words to me are, " This is a N bar." We are there 15 seconds and it has already begun. We get there and our good buddy Champ is a bouncer there. We do our greetings and so on and walk to the bar. We get a couple of beers and the night starts to go downhill quick. In the first half an hour Michael and i have 3 beers and two shots. So far so good. Then it dawns on us as the Booze burns our stomaches that neither of us had eaten at all that day. So 2 long island Iced teas later the good stuff starts. I make a couple of txts and a couple of phone calls later to turn out that maybe I should not have. Our buddies Carter and Thomas finally find us and we continue to drink our weights in Booze. Michael at this point notices Thomas is chugging Beer so he feels it would be a good idea to start chuggin Long Island Iced teas. Michael at this point learns a new word and begins to bandy it about like a child with a new toy. We proceded to get shit hammered Drunk. As we try leading Michael from the Bar he tries to woo a woman he finds intriguing."I'd put it in your butt," He says to no avail. "Hey Hey Bitch I said I would Put in in your ass." again this poor young woman has no clue that she is being hailed by Michael. " Hey hey Cu*t N***er I said I wanted to put it in your ASS!!!!" Amazeingly this woman still does not hear this so as she turns her backside to him he stalks her ass while singing the War song from Star trek (you know the one where Cpt. Kirk and Spock do battle) We finally get him outside and then have to fight him as he tries to drive the car. We pile into Carter's truck. Thomas Michael and Carter in the front and me in the bed. We try to get to another Bar with Michael screaming obscenities to everyone we pass as well as a few to me. So of course I am screaming back at him as we drive a million miles an hour. I will end part one here but tune in soon for the conculusion of this wonderful tale.

When your in the business that most of my friends and I are in your on the road a lot. And in the course of that time together on the road you hear a lot of crazy shit. A couple of things to clear up(and I know a few of you are going to argue this point) 95% of us are ASSHOLES. Oh we can be nice hell we can even be charming(if we want something) but by and large we are infact a bunch of drunken assholes. And there are Varying degrees amongst our various groups I do not deny that from the slow build up to soul crushing sarcasm (Barry) to the Just plain blunt get the fuck away from me assholes(ME) Now that I have made that statement let me continue on with my story. We start our story just after our show last night in KC. I know mid week show what were we thinking. Turns out it was a great crowd probably 400 mexicans who were insane.We are starving and need beer in the most obscene ways. I have personally been screaming about it since about 6. Its 1030. I wanted some fucking beer and some god damned wings.So we all agree to go to Hooters.Now anyone who knows me knows me knows I can not stand Hooters. The food is greasy and the only thing worse than the food is the bottom feeders theyn have convinced to cater to jack asses like me.(How shitty does your life have to be for you to work at Hooters???? You dress half naked and flirt with on average 75 White trash pieces of shit who tip you shitty. Fuck it be a stripper. At least there you will make some fucking money. But then again I have not seen very many Hooters Sluts that I would really want to see naked. I think you see my point)You know its going to be a bad night when I manage to get pissed off right from the get go. We walk in and some Stupid Gutter Slut begs us to sit further in the back.I am ok with this at first because I think she is fishing for money and is begging us to sit in her section.(Even I am not above a little charity)Turns out it was the exact opposite. She was BEGGING us not too. (Your sole function in a place like that is to feed and cater to us and you send us away? God knows she probably did not make enough to feed herself that night. And asshole or not we all know how to tip atleast.)So I am pissed off by her sheer nerve to send us away.I think at that point I said something along the Lines of " What kind of bullshit is this? We got passed over by a Bottom Feeder? Why are you too lazy to do your job?" The guys quickly shut me up. Finally the wonderful soul who is to be our servant shows up. She has all the personality of a dead dogs dick. Great!!! I bellow I want a water and Fuck it I have to piss. We decide to order 50 wings and so on and so forth order our drinks. I get back to the table to find that we can not have our wings!!! What the hell is that shit about??? That restaurant has but one purpose in the universe serve shity food and hire bottom feeders who can not make it as strippers. Thats it. And they manage to fuck this up. This sends me into demensions of Pissed off unseen by most mortals. At one point in the tirade that I now go off on the servant comes to the table with drinks. Try and keep up here there are 6 of us. Craig Barry Jose Jared Some mark and myself. The Drink order is not hard. Ready? I want a water, Jared a water, Craig a large heffenwises and a water, Barry a large Blue moon, Jose a Large Bud light, and The mark a diet coke. God damned how hard is that? First fuck up....They do not have Large Glasses tonight...... BULLSHIT..but they are going to bring them 2 pint glasses per order.Its bullshit but we can live with it. She comes to the Table with 3 pints of beer(not the 6 she should have (LAZY)) the diet coke and 2 waters. I look at her and ask, "How in the name of all thats holy could you manage to screw this up?" She is remiss to see the problem....I have nothing in front of me but an empty coaster....This is not Rocket science folks I promise....Yet she manages too look at me as if I just asked her the square root off 225...."You forgot my water!"...Craig appologizes for my behavior....I ask what behavior It was just water.Group Consensus is that I was being an asshole (Really I mean come one are any of you really surprised by that?). Barry takes this as a Personal Challenge. Barry:How long you worked here? Moron: About a week? Barry: Bullshit your a worker You have to atleast worked here over a year... Moron: Nope just started Last week. Barry: Bullshit I know a worker when i see one. Moron: Well I did work at another Hooters for over a year.(Well the moron you have worked as a bottom feeder for over a year. Do they give out awards for people being so insanely stupid?) Barry: I knew it. How do you do it? Moron: Do what? Barry: This your job, walking up to a neverending series of assholes and pretending to give two shits about them? You just see their wallets huh? Moron: NO I really am just a nice person. At this point she walks away from us to talk to another guy who came in after us and yet managed to get food. This guy was a major douchebag. Comes in with a bible and a suit. I do not get it but whatever floats his boat. He is also about 40. She is flirting away like there is no tomorrow and tell him how much she missed him and to come see her again soon. BLAH. She is working him like a fucking hooker with a Bipolar Pimp. He gives her way way too much money for the shitty service he got. (unless there was a handjob I did not see) She walks back over to us. Barry: That right there you worked him and you were no more interested in him then Giovanni is in me. Moron: No he is a really good guy. Barry: You can not possibly have been interested in that tool. At this point she starts to smile then looks upset Barry has made his point. She is a hustler and she worked him. She is no better than a common whore. She takes our money in silence clearly upset. About this time 4 cop cars roll up and we are pretty sure we are going to jail. Nothing new there. We depart not going to jail. Start heading home drinking some of the best 'Shine I have ever had...NO I will not tell you where we got it so do not ask. Barry passes out as he is want to do and Jose and I begin to chit chat about many things: sex tips, (your welcome for that one Barry use it well) Some of the gimmicks we have used to get laid in the past, About Jose's ideas for Gimmicks to break into the business, About a possible Barry Vs. Giovanni Slautherfest, about breaking into the business and the one Person in the world that I have major heat with "The Southern Boy" I think he may even have blue eyes. That would in fact make him a Blue Eyed Southern Boy. Barry amazeingly wakes back up on this and says that if we continue to make shows together that eventually me and my arch nemisis would eventually meet up. Jose says that I sound like I would beat his ass if that happened. Barry: Giovanni could not beat his ass. He wrestled a bear and won. Me: It was a trained Bear Barry. Barry: No it wasn't man I am telling you he hip tossed a fucking bear and pinned him. Me: I am telling you jack ass it was a trained Bear. Barry: No it was not! The Bear did not post. Me: So it was a sandbagging Brown bear but it was still a trained Bear. Barry: No man I am telling you he hip tossed a Brown Bear. Me: He hip tossed a fucking sandbagging Poorly trained brown bear you happy now? Barry: See he would beat your ass because you know how to work!

Ok since my last set of blogs was so wildly popular I have been asked by some to recount another tale. This one is from quite a while ago and I just never got around to putting it too paper.....I think I will call it the "Road to Hell" Your central cast on this one....Myself and Barry.... Anyone else notice a pattern there? Ok so it starts mildly enough on a Wednesday. I know that is not a normal night to start getting shitty, but when you live like us everynight is a night to try and die. We get a call late Tuesday to work a show that Wednesday night, so we scramble to get off and head to the show. We get there work the show and have not had a drop of the Hooche all day.(See we do not have to drink.)This is going great so far doing good. Well the show ends and we decide to eat...Do we go to get fast food? Hell no we go to a wrestling staple Hooters.(If you have read one of my previous blogs you know how I feel about this) Well several beers later we get on the road and head home. We can never drink together again. No major incidents. Thursday rolls around, and I get a call from Barry that we are going to a local bar Champs but first to meet him at Chatters, a local restaurant. I show up meet up sith some friends and have a few beers and a couple of shots nothing too bad. We decide to head to Champs. Now this is a monumentaly bad idea. Thursday nights its "Bottomless Cup Night". Meaning $8 gets you all the beer you can drink. Well we take this as a personal challenge. They are about 20 oz. cups we drink about 15 a piece and have about 8 shots a piece as well. This is not a good mixture... We quickly approach what i call "Gimmick Drunk". This is the point where we stop being us and switch into our gimmicks and have no mercy on anyone. Everyone was fair game. here are a few sampalings of things that took place.... We hit on every woman in the bar twice. We piss off most of them. I insult 3/4 of Joplin when i remember a favorite word that I used to have "Gutter sluts" Barry Motorboated 2 women several times. These were not women that he would normally even talk to. I try and pick a fight with everything walking to no avail. I manange to piss off a midget because I would not sell a shitty elbow to the head. I told one girl that I do not know why she left her house as she was almost attractive and could not catch a man if her nipples leaked beer and her vaj was the gateway to heavan. She says she is married. I say he is a pitiful excuse for a man and must be blind. She did not laugh. Barry called to guys in the bathroom Meat gazers. I ridicule them mercilessly. They were not gay just pussies. Barry leaves with an attractive girl. Has sex. Then when she looks like a five year old who just shit their pants look after he says the term "Post Coital activites" calls her a flaming retard, walks home 3 miles in cowboy boots, because she drove him to her house....(He could have called me I would have came and got him). WE CAN NEVER DRINK TOGETHER AGAIN. Friday, we are so hung over its pathetic. Breatheing hurts. Barry manages to talk me into coming over although I have no desire to leave my bed...it is 6p.m.(Yes I know that is bad...but damn it my brain hurt) I drop by his place and we got to dinner..We flirt mercilessly with women.. So far no Booze. On the way back to his place we stop at another local establishment....Bdubs. 5 tall beers a piece later we are feeling better but trying to figure out how we started drinking again. We can never drink together again. Saturday I finally have a day of rest as I have no shows booked. Barry goes to OKC to wrestle I stay home and try and recover. At this point my liver is no longer speaking to me. I get bored and start drinking. Stupid Whiskey. It is uneventful and I am lonely.Perhaps I should not drink at all. Sunday, the typical day of rest. I am hung over but not bad. 5 P.M. Barry calls. "Gio, come over and lets go eat. I swear no drinking!" I have heard this before and fall for it every time. I get there and we go to eat at Logan's Steakhouse. We actually make it through our meals with no booze. Then the Pitchers start. 2 pitchers in and we should stop. Barry starts to flirt with the waitress, I start to throw peanuts. I con the bartender into giving us free drinks. We have these things called Roadhouse Teas. This is a long Island with Everclear the Drink of the devil. Things start to get shitty. I con the bartender in to a couple of shots a piece. we are getting drunk. Barry convinces the waitress to meet us at another bar....Bdubs. This is a bad idea.... We head over and start drinking beer like tomorrow they are starting prohibition again. About an hour and a half later Barry and I are "Gimmick drunk" yet again. The waitress show up and brings her roomate with her. She refuses to drink anything. NO water no soda nothing. Barry comes up with a GREAT idea.... We need to go to the strip club. I am to drunk to argue but I convince the stick in the mud taht I hate strip clubs and that she needs to come keep me company. This works. I am amazed. We go and I do not get to look at boobies because I have to pretend I am not happy to be there.(This is utter bullshit....I love naked women always have always will)Barry manages to talk the price down with a stripper to less than half price for him and his "Date" to get a private dance. Barry spends too much money and still does not get laid but we set it up for later in the week. We should not drink together. The rest of that story gets dry and boring and I will not bore anyone with it. In 5 days we were not sober once. I am pretty sure we mananged to take 10 years off of our lives. Meaning we got about 3 years left as I count it. Hell called that monday and said that were calling to confirm our reservations. I took this as a bad omen. I am sure I have left some things out of this story as it was about a year ago and hell I can not remeber yesterday. Barry if I missed soemthing let me know so we can add it. The moral of the story is this...We should not drink together.