LifesFav Bad Example's blog: "special days aren't always happy "

  Lemme start by asking this: If someone dies and is brought back should they be considered (besides a miracle they are still here) a zombie?  I know everyone has their stories from bad times in their life and every now and then they reflect on those days and take stock in the blessings they have at that point and say "well I guess it did get better after all". Well for me this is my day of reflection. My day to break out the abacus and get to a countin' everything thats been a good impact on me and those I've helped along the way and see how it may out weigh the bad. Some years its tougher to put things in the good column but this year I feel was a stellar year for the good!

The birth of my first grandchild seems to be my crowning moment for the year. Being there and holding such a helpless lil bundle of world conquering cuteness and being the first person to get a pic with his eyes open was an absolutely indescribable rush that if I were to try and describe it would only take away from the experience. I've been helping a friend at work get back on the right track to get his driver's license back and finish his firey hoops on that path. When I met this guy he was in a horrible state of self loathing and hot headedness that I recognized sooo well, a place where ya feel safe from other people being able to mess with your world cuz they don't wanna come anywhere near you. Minor things used to set him off into fits of rage and loud bursts of obscenities and I thought it was funny seeing this from the outside and wonder how I made it through  the world this long without someone getting an elephant gun and shooting me full of big game tranquilzers . Sometimes not always but sometimes all it takes is showing another person thats in a bad place where the path to the exit is might be all they need.  Not very relvent in a general manor? Au contrere' , in the grand scheme of things this was a hash mark in the good column. By example and sharing my experiences and being a Living example and being there to help him keep things in check my buddy was able to save his job and prove to be a most valuable asset to the company and has been recognized as the marquis person in his position and it all came from him cooling his jets a lil bit and letting the bosses notice his performance instead of his antics.

   Those examples from my good list would not have occured if things had worked out this day in history when the sky in my world was on fire and falling towards the earth. My darkest days were almost the end of me and all the good I've done may not have been done at all by anyone but who's to say... I had lost everything in a very short ammount of time. I packed all my stuff and alienated my family to move away and help my gf with her children  only to catch her cheating on me and have to move back and have no place to go ... literally no place, not even my friends would let me stay with them till I got back on my feet. All I had was a duffle bag full of clothes  and a whole lot of what do I do now goin on inside my brain. So I tryed the only thing I could think of , no one wanted me around ...so be it I'll let them have their way.

    I was nearly successful. The reports said my heart stopped and brain function was flickering, the people in that hospital thought they lost me twice and were ready to pronounce me but... during the ordeal my survival instinct must have kicked in some how while they were trying to hold me down I managed to break ribs and arms on several orderlies to fight back, I only read that in the hospital notes but don't remember any of it and they said the only reason I was still here was because of the person who pushed me to my own actions ... was the one who saved me in the end . 4 big hospital employees who are trained to subdue difficult patients were getting thrown and battered for getting too close and this 105lb  waif of a woman took her own safety into her own hands in the belief that I would never harm her and she approached me in that state, even witnessing the carnage gave it her best shot to get through to me... somehow her voice must have gotten through and she jumped on that table and started stuffing charcoal and getting the staff to do their jobs while she kept talking and keeping me calm... things weren't meant to be as acouple but she didn't want me all together gone I suppose.

  Not looking for sympathy by writing all this but I am comfortable enough these days to share my days to reflect and hope it can show someone else it isn't as dark as they might think  they justneed to know how to view it from a different perspective ... andif they don't know where to start, come find me I may be able to point them in a new direction where the sky isn't raining fire and all the gloom stuff...

 it might not make tons of sense but it does to me and count your blessings that you are here today to be able to read this ... I am