Ridgerunner's blog: "someone like you"

im trying to accept the change but it gets harder every day
to walk past her without touching her, not saying what i used to say
living together but not as a couple turns out to be too much to bare
i have to bury my desires and feelings, not showing that i care
for three years its been automatic to caress her shapely behind
now i must stop my hand in mid air , with only emptiness to find
i'll slip and call her hun or babe, then cringe at my mistake
to be so close to her everyday , only to feel my heart break
i admire her sexy build, in me it creates a burning desire
but its all for not, as her cold shoulder puts out the fire
its one of the hardest things ive done, staying in this place
its like her heart never had me, theres no wanting in her face
god be with me while im here, till i get where ever i belong
i dont understand why im weak, while she seems so strong
everyday my heart hurts , i want to touch and share my love
if this pain is how ill live, lord please take me up above

here is a poem and you might be able to connect 
little ways to teach a child and their hearts direct
share with them hugs and smiles with lots of love
teach them to be kind and that there is God above
show them through yourself , to always help others
that everyone upon this earth are sisters and brothers
don't be afraid to punish them, to teach right from wrong
it may keep them from prison and places they don't belong
be loving but be stern , in the end it's for their own good
this teaches respect and most will act just like they should
know you can't always be there to protect them from harm
know we don't always see the signs or hear the silent alarm
as they get older they may get lost and some get off track
remind them of the love you shared , show you want it back
now this doesn't always work but it's worth all the trying
nothing hurts like a parent and a child's relationship dying

i keep trying to write a poem, but the tears get in the way
i ask you fair questions, but you never know what to say
i know you know the painful answers, but are reluctant to share
are you afraid to hurt me, is there a part of you that may care?
or do you still need me, taking care of things while you're away?
i hope its much more than that, and not just a game you play.
i want you to show you think of me, not ignore me and cause doubt
with your help we can control this. thats what being together is about
please dont keep me hanging to hope just till your trip is through
my feelings are faithful and true. im going through this all just for you
the pain being caused is real, the emotional wounds are deep
where did my best friend go? the loving woman i want to keep?
im hoping for a change. that something causes a spark in your heart
that you can show me how much you want me, while we are apart
i know i got very jealous, and that you seen this as totally wrong
i hope we can survive this trip. and be right where we belong

marijuana is still illegal in Pennsylvania i guess
but when i smoke weed , it relieves all my stress
its much too big of a debate for such a harmless matter
the worst thing is the munchies which makes people fatter
i'm not mean but peaceful and loving when i smoke a joint
it makes people nonviolent and that's just one good point
it's not a " gateway " drug, that's just bad choices people make
it didn't work that way with me, weed is the only drug i take
i believe it should be legal, the world would be a better place
yes you can tell when i'm high by the big smile on my face
it's just the government that wants it kept against the law
they make money off of it being illegal, that's the only flaw
there are fines and court costs from the arrests by police
now they have found medicinal uses besides stress release
the courts can argue all day rather its good or bad as a whole
be it illegal or not, as for me, you can bet ill be smoking my bowl
someday we will actually be free if this country gets on the ball
we'll have marijuana bars,then there will be peace and love for all

my thoughts are racing through my busy mind. 
i keep on thinking but no answers will i find
the questions arent clear , im all full of doubt
my anxiety is maxed but i know not what about
my nerves are shot, my health is starting to suffer
i try things to calm me but my emotions wont buffer
if i do get sleep, upsetting dreams fill my head
i awake more worked up than when i went to bed
i cant change the situation thats causing my distress
there is one that could but it all seems to be a big mess
i dont know if ill get through this, its really eating me alive
sometimes im mad and at times i cry, im trying to survive
my emotions are over whelming , them i can not control
i see no way to escape this, and its surely taking its toll
life is always the teacher and we all must go to school
i just hope i learn before im dead or maybe end up a fool

its kind of ironic when you dont really want to live
yet each day you try , your smile and love to give
wanting to brighten ones day, when yours is dark as coal
the contrast eats at you and little by little it takes its toll
but the fucking light wont go out, it remains a dim flicker
the good wants to regain life, while the bad wants to die quicker
you dont care about yourself yet there is compassion for others
you actually pray for the ones you call sisters and brothers
others know you hurt but have no clue of the pain your in
as you go to sleep you pray that you wont open your eyes again
with love ill make this world a better place as long as im still here
ill try to smile and show kindness to all while i hide the tear
i dont know where im going with this, theres a message down deep
until i change my mind or no more awake, ill pray God my soul to keep

i wrote this yesterday after my daughter lost her baby... i believe there are signs from heaven..

Dearest Benita Peters , 
I dont mean to make you cry, but i did so you probably will. i want to write about an experience i had this morning and share it with you... lets see how this turns out punkin..

• The Work That You Do
  I really think you found your calling in the work that you doI can't think of anyone else better suited for the job than youYou are logical , compassionate , and very wise beyond your yearsAs my therapist you got me to open up and shed some needed tearsYou taught me to feel my feelings, not fight them like in the pastYou didn't give me a moment, but lessons that a lifetime will lastNow it's time in your career for you to spread your wings and fly It's selfish to want to keep you here , even though i want to tryI know it's best for you , there is no promise in our small townYou have higher goals to accomplish , you shouldn't be kept downThe world will be a better place , if as a therapist you can growYou have become more than a counselor to me , and i want you to knowI have grown with you over three years , you've brought me a long wayYou showed me the hope inside of me, made me want to live another dayI look up to you and i respect you , you are a beautiful human beingI think of the lives you have saved ,the new people you'll be seeingYou have a priceless purpose in life , i'm still looking for mineYou have taught me that i have one, once i see it i'll be fineAt first it will be hell without you, of that there is no doubtBut you taught me i can be positive , thats what it is all aboutI'll always cherish our talks together, I promise to do my bestTo use what you have taught me , and keep stupid thoughts at resti'll miss you and curtis terribly, but i don't see it as an endI will take the memories , and hope the best for you my friendPlease keep in touch, I'll need your wisedom now and thenMay God be with us both , untill we see each other again

My Angel In Heaven 
you were my angel first, then God took you away
he made you an angel in heaven and there you will stay
They say there's a reason for the things God may do
I hope it was a good reason that he chose to take you
for a parent to lose a child is the worst pain of all
but we all must answer when God makes his call
you are always with me, in my thoughts and in my dreams
especially in my heart, though at times it is empty it seems
my lonely time here without you turns the days into years
i can't wait to hug you in heaven and cry some happy tears