Hiccups be damned!
The anguish, suffering, and tormenting of a mystery I do not understand has overtaken my being this evening. Hiccups, yes hiccups suck! I am being tortured tonight by the most horrible affliction that has ever inflicted man since the beginning of time. So annoying that for years, doctors and mother alike have searched fruitlessly for a cure to the ailment that plagues me now.
Being the inquisitive soul that I am, I went to my favorite search engine here on the web, searching for the cause and a cure to this devilish disease I can not comprehend. ARGH, these are the most bothersome little buggers crawling up my windpipe to interrupt conversations, TV shows, and reading alike. Damn.
First stop, some site dedicated to explaining to kids about life, ailments, their bodies, and random other crap I flew past. So, get this hiccups are caused by the diaphragm. I discounted this one right off the bat. How on Earth can a birth control device cause hiccups? It's not like I ate a diaphragm or anything for dinner unless it was ground up in the hamburger I cooked. Oh wait… So the diaphragm is this funky device apparently that assists you in breathing and occasionally it becomes irritated. So do they use human diaphragms or some other animal's diaphragm to prevent pregnancy? So the scariest part of this site, if your hiccups last more than a couple of days, it could be a more serious medical condition. They don't mention what, but that would really suck!
Next site: Some medical page I've never heard of buy it said health medicine and doctor within the first ten words at the top of the page so it must be reputable. This site was a little more detailed. Apparently the diaphragm is located somewhere near your vocal cords. It is a muscle and the hiccup noise is caused by it snapping shut. Well I'll be damned. Once again, this site mentions horrible illnesses associated with the hiccup such as pneumonia and kidney failure. It's a good thing I updated my will recently. But get this, there is no clear reason for a hiccup to occur. They give some list of crappy excuses I've heard over and over again from eating too fast and swallowing air or your stomach sitting on top of the diaphragm and disrupting something or another. Now that is a little confusing considering the last paragraph mentioned vocal cords, throat and air flow. How in the hell are my vocal cord down by my stomach? I sucked at science in school, but I'm pretty sure I remember a bit of human anatomy. So this site has no clue what they are talking about. Henceforth, I'm going to associate it to aliens or possible warning signs of my impending kidney failure. Who wants my movie collection?
On to the next site: This one I had to click on. It claims to have a medical cure for the hiccup. So, you take a glass of water, plug your nose, take 10-20 drinks. Hold your breath, and when you have that overwhelming drowning sensation, gasp for air, and take a deep breath slowly. I think this guy is trying to kill me. NEXT SITE!
Oh look, another medical site. This one has an official looking logo and mentions a bunch of really big words and lots of initials after the doctor's name. This one is definitely reputable. This guy looks like he knows something. There is another name for the hiccup, the hiccough. I'm guessing our cousins across the pond in jolly ole England came up with that word. He also give a scientific name for the disorder or disease (still not sure on that) as singultus and is thought to have originated from the Latin, singult, which translates roughly as "the act of catching one's breath while sobbing." Sounds cool to me! Okay, he just confused me too. I have two diaphragms, hiccups occur during the first half of the menstrual cycle more often, and are decreased during pregnancy. Let me note, that NO WHERE on this page does it mention Women's health or gender specific information. So now that I know I'm most likely not pregnant and that I am most likely in the first half of my menstrual cycle, I need to look up some information on how that all works. All I know is I may go through some mood swings and retain water. Oh, and something about bleeding. – SIGH – Okay, this guy is out.
The next site is selling some packet of powder you mix with water and cures the hiccup! WooHoo!!! Never mind; it apparently it was invented by some random person in Oklahoma. He doesn't have any sort of degree that I can find, but the Oklahoma governor gave him an award. Question: What does the governor know about this guy? Are they related? Is the governor an expert on hiccups? Oklahoma? I'll pass.
Ah, I think I found a good page. It covers the hiccup, the variations in names, the diaphragm, and the muscle closing suddenly making the noise, which is actually a flappy piece of skin. By the way, it is called the glottis. So, all the other sites are filled with idiots. A nerve connected to you diaphragm is where is starts and rarely while eating since the same nerve is connected to the digestive system. Okay all good! (This was Google answers, BTW)
Okay, so now I need a cure. Not really I stopped hiccupping sometime around the third page. So much for kidney failure. Sorry guys and gals, no one gets my movie collection this week. I figured I'd at least look up some of the ideas, cures, and mom's remedies that supposedly with save me the torment of the damn flap of skin slamming shut on me. Some common ones you might have heard of (but I haven't tried) are holding your breath until you pass out and scaring the living shit out of yourself. Neither of these seemed plausible so I found a site with a TON of cures. This guy actually tested them as best he could with his limited hiccupping capability. He marked the ones that don't work 100% of the time with an (X). I figured I would include them for all those who have hiccups to try. I'm guessing if they don't have an (X), they work. It's a little long but pretty useful.
Purely mental cures (no tools, no physical activity, no assistant)
· (X) Think of all the bald men you can.
· (X) Tell yourself "I'm not going to hiccup again."
· (X) Don't do anything; just wait for the next hiccup.
· (X) Close your eyes and visualize a neon sign, like a movie marquee; see the word "THINK" blinking on and off; concentrate on the sign and make the word blink as fast as possible.
· Imagine a neon blue colour, coming from between your eyes, (also known as the third or psyhic eye) and directing it down the centre of your chest to the xiphisternum and then washing calmly across the diaphragm, from one side to the next and back continuously.
Web-based hiccup cures
· David T. Kaplan's cure (with request for donation)
Cures involving your breath (or respiratory tract)
· (X) Laugh.
· (X) Swallow air.
· (X) Hyperventilate.
· Induce a cough or sneeze.
· (X) Do the Valsalva maneuver.
· Relax and breathe from your diaphragm.
· Inhale and exhale once a second for two minutes.
· Do the Complete Breath as practiced in Hatha Yoga.
· (X) Blow on your thumb (as if you were blowing up a balloon).
· (X) Hold your breath (for 8 seconds, for as long as you can, etc.).
· Inhale some air into your stomach, then let out as loud a belch as possible.
· (X) Cough and continue to blow until your lungs are empty; repeat three times.
· Carefully inhale; pause briefly; carefully exhale; pause briefly; repeat this several times.
· Inhale deeply; hold your breath for a slow count to twenty; exhale slowly; repeat three or more times.
· Breathe slowly and semi-shallowly through your mouth; relax your stomach and chest as much as possible.
· Breathe in through your mouth as deeply as you can, as if you you're going to sigh. Count to ten, then let your breath out with a sigh.
· As soon as the hiccups start, put your head on the ground (so that your body is in an inverted V) and hold your breath for ten seconds.
· (X) Plug your ears (so sound is partially blocked), take a deep breath and swallow 3-6 times straight, without taking a breath between swallows.
· Sit somewhere quiet; make sure your posture is straight; breathe slowly and deeply, diaphragm-style, then breathe through your nose as slowly as you possibly can.
· A second or two before you expect a hiccup, exhale completely, firmly constrict your diaphragm muscles, and hold that position for several seconds; then breathe normally.
· Close your mouth and breath easily through your nose; swallow easily once; tell yourself: "The electrical system short you have experienced has been corrected and your hick-up is gone."
· Lie down flat on the floor, press both fists against your stomach (parallel to each other, so that each fist touches each wrist), and breath deeply. (Alternatively, have an assistant do the pressing.)
· Breathe in as you normally would to hold your breath, then repeat this as long as possible: suck in more air, wait two seconds, suck in more air, wait two seconds, etc.; then, hold your breath as long as you can; exhale slowly, completely.
· Lie down; stretch out as far as you can (fingers toward the wall above your head, toes pointed toward the wall below your feet); hold your breath as long as possible then breathe once quickly for a quick half of a second then hold your breath again.
· Lie flat on your back, completely relax your body, letting the air out of your lungs (don't force it out, just relax and let it flow out) until there is no pressure on your diaphragm; wait until the hiccups cease. (Once you've mastered this technique, you may be able to do it without lying down.)
· Take as slow and as deep a breath as you can tolerate (it should take at least 10 seconds to inhale; longer is better); near the end of this breath, you will feel a kind of shudder in your diaghram; affter the shudder, go back to breathing normally (if you do not feel the shudder, repeat the process until you do).
· Exhale all of your breath, squeezing the air out as thoroughly as you can and hold your breath. While holding your breath, swallow two or three times (depending on how good you are at holding you breath and swallowing). Swallowing hard helps but is not necessary. Swallowing can be done either dry, using saliva or using a small sip of water. If you feel like you may hiccup again, quickly partially exhale and swallow hard.
· As soon as the hiccups start (ideally, after only two or three hiccups), take several deep breaths quickly (that is, hyperventilate), exhale most of the air in your lungs, hold your mouth and nose closed so you can't breathe. Then (and, if you can time it, just before the next hiccup), try as hard as you can to inhale (but use your hands to prevent any air from entering). If you are successful, the next hiccup will cause you to hear a sound like a muted burp. After the last hiccup, sit quietly; wait about twenty seconds before taking your next breath, then breathe slowly.
Cures you can do by yourself with no tools
· Fart.
· Don't swallow.
· (X) Say "pineapple."
· (X) Stand on your head.
· Make yourself vomit.
· Talk non-stop for ten seconds.
· Scream for as long as you can.
· (Women:) Stimulate your clitoris.
· Count to twenty with your fingers in your ears.
· (X) Hold your head far back and stroke you throat.
· Urinate; concentrate on both peeing and breathing.
· Gently rub your ear lobe until the hiccups are gone.
· Massage right below your rib cage (on both sides).
· Rub the back of your tongue to stimulate the gag reflex.
· Press yourself to the carpet as hard as you can and hold it.
· With your eyes closed, massage your eyeballs through your eyelids.
· Run; keep running for at least 10 minutes after the hiccups have subsided.
· Rub your soft palate with your finger or a cotton swab until you almost gag.
· Hold your tongue with your thumb and index finger and gently pull it forward.
· Sitting quietly without distractions, concentrating hard, anticipate the arrival of the next hiccup.
· With one hand, apply pressure to the gums above your front teeth and to a point just below your nose.
· Place the fingers of both hands together right below the center of your ribcage; press in and up at the same time.
· Squeeze the end joint of your index finger with the thumb and index finger of the other hand firmly. Hold until the hiccups stop.
· With your fingers, apply mild but firm pressure to the phrenic nerves at the position where they cross each side of the collarbone.
· (X) With your right thumb, press firmly on the "pressure point" (#18 on this diagram ) of your left hand (reverse if you're left-handed).
· (X) As soon as possible after the first hiccup, rap yourself sharply on the solar-plexus (a few times in a row if necessary) with the side of your balled fist.
· (X) Take a finger full of hair from the crown of your head and as hard as you can stand (though not hard enough to pull the hair out) for 10 seconds.
· (X) Pinch the back of your shoulder until it hurts (this works because the nerves in your shoulder and the nerves that control your diaphragm come from the same place).
· Put your hands and elbows over your head and hold your breath (for a count of twenty, or for longer than the space between hiccups, or for as long as you can).
· Just before your next hiccup, tighten your diaphragm, as if you are trying to burp. When the next hiccup occurs, it will cause you to burp instead, and the hiccups are over. Rarely, you may have to do it a second time. (Dick McBirney asks that you call it the "McBirney Technique.")
· Close the eyes, press the thumbs against the eyeballs with enough pressure to be mildly uncomfortable, hold that for thirty seconds at least (do not exceed 3 minutes, as blood flow to the retina could be compromised in a very select group with a longer than 3 minute exposure) then rapidly release. Some advocate holding your breath while doing this (which is reasonable since few can hold their breath longer than 3 minutes thus saving providing an automatic protection against unduly compromising the retinal blood flow.)
· (X) Count the approx. number of seconds between each hiccup, i.e. normal interval between hiccups could be several seconds apart. With this information as a guide, now anticipate each hiccup and mimic the hiccups both in frequency, sound, and even body language, so that you are deliberately hiccupping 'in sync' with it, even better if you can exaggerate the mimicking activity -- like acting on stage? The hiccups should disappear after 5 to 6 deliberations, between 20 seconds to half a minute usually. (Peter Liu, who discovered this technique, has asked that it be identified here as the "Peter-Pierre Method.")
Cures you can do with an assistant
· These cures are listed on a separate page, since many of them don't work if the person with hiccups knows about them. (Assistant click here)
Cures that involve a tool or prop
· Chew gum.
· Take a hot bath.
· Jump out of a plane.
· Breathe slowly into your shirt.
· (X) Read about hiccups online. :)
· Immerse your face in ice water.
· Breathe through a wet washcloth.
· Smell the fumes from a lighted candle.
· Put ice bags on both sides of your throat.
· Breathe into (and out of) a paper bag for a while.
· Massage the back of the roof of your mouth with a cotton swab.
· Hang up side down on your bed and let the blood rush to your head.
· Touch your uvula gently with the handle of a spoon (breathe steadily to keep from gagging).
· (For a baby with hicups) Press a quarter coin lightly in the diaphragm area for a few seconds.
· Lie down on your back with your mouth wide open; let your head hang over the edge of a couch or bed; breathe deeply and slowly.
· Light a match, blow it out, then put the tip in a little bit of water (sulfur in the match calms the throat). Variants: put the match out by touching it to the water, use a whole book of matches, drink the water after dousing the match(es).
· Slide a well-greased length of thin, flexible rubber tubing through one nostril to the point where it just barely touches the back of the throat (be careful not to hurt the sensitive lining of the nose). (This is known as "nasopharyngeal airway insertion," and is believed to work by stimulating the vagus nerve.)
· Sit in a chair where you can lean far back, such as a recliner; close your eyes; tilt your head back as far as possible; open your mouth wide; inhale as much air as possible, and visualize a hook in the lower part of your throat and a ring farther up (that the hook could catch onto), then inhale even farther and visualize bringing the hook up and hooking it into the ring (see diagram courtesy Tom Pennington).
Cures that involve drinking some water
· Drink three big gulps of cold water.
· Pinch your nose shut while you drink water.
· Gargle (this can also be done with mouthwash).
· Take a big sip of water, bend over and swallow it.
· Drink 9 to 11 small sips of water in rapid succession.
· Drink a glass of water while someone presses your ears closed.
· Drink two glasses of water slowly, at about half your normal rate.
· Inhale deeply, swallow water, then exhale; repeat this three times.
· (X) Drink water from the far side of a glass (so you're drinking upside-down).
· Drink water slowly from a glass covered with a napkin, hanky or other fine cloth.
· Hold your hands over your head, and have someone feed you a (10 oz.) glass of water.
· Take a big gulp of water, lie down, and swallow the water while holding your nose shut.
· Take 15 - 20 swallows of the water while holding your breath with your nose pinched closed.
· While applying pressure to the inside of the ear with your little finger, slowly take eight gulps of water.
· Put a spoon in a glass of water; drink the water with the handle of the spoon resting on your forehead.
· With your neck bent backward, hold your breath for a count of ten. Exhale immediately and drink a glass of water.
· While holding a thin object (such as a pencil, chopstick, or straw) between your lips, drink a tall cold glass of water.
· Sing along to your favourite CD while standing on your head and drinking a glass of water and wait for the hiccups to stop.
· Plug your ears with your thumbs, squeeze your nostrils closed with your pinkies, and take several small sips of water from a glass.
· SLURP a small amount of water from a full glass. (The SLURPING is the secret as it is the mix of air and water that stops the hiccup.)
· Turn your left wrist clockwise until your palm is facing outward; from that position, pick up a glass of water and take three sips (over your wrist).
· (X) Hold your breath, pinch your nose closed, swallow repeatedly from a glass of water until you have a drowning sensation, then take a deep breath and relax.
· Take three slow, deep breaths; hold the third breath while drinking a big glass of water through a paper towel for as long as you can or until the glass is empty.
· Take eight sips of cool water without breathing; on the ninth sip take a deep breath (from the diaphragm); let it out slowly; wait a few seconds; repeat if necessary.
· Put a knife in a glass of water (blade end into the glass); drink the water without breathing, while keeping the handle of the knife constantly pressing against your face.
· Hold your left ear with your right hand and your right ear with your left hand and pinch the lobes slightly, have a friend hold a glass of water to your mouth and drink it.
· Cover a glass of water with a coaster leaving a crack just large enough to drink the water through; take a deep breath then exhale completely; drink all the water without taking another breath.
· Standing but relaxed (leaning against a counter helps you relax), drink a full glass of warm water while concentrating; breathe slowly if necessary, but do not stop drinking to breathe; repeat if necessary.
· Put a spoon in an 8 ounce glass of water such that 1.5 inches of the spoon extends; place your tongue between the glass and the spoon so that the spoon presses on the top of your tongue; drink the water.
· Fasten the spoon end of a teaspoon between the tines of a fork; place the handle end of the fork into a glass of water and rest the handle end of the spoon against your temple; drink (sip) from the glass of water.
· Fill a plastic cup with water and place it on a table at around waist level; put your thumbs on your earlobes, bend down and pick up the cup by the rim with your pinkies; stand up straight, drink the entire glass, and put it back down.
· Put a glass of water (half to three quarters full) on the floor of your kitchen or bathroom; get get on your knees and bend down to the glass; place your top lip on the far side of the glass and tip the glass to start drinking; drink until your hiccups go away or you run out of water.
· Take a deep breath; exhale as much as you can; slowly drink water from a glass until you cannot hold your breath anymore; stop drinking and start breathing again. (One reader suggests that the water be at room temperature, and that you drink the whole glass rather than drinking slowly.)
· Intersperse drinking with breathing so that each inhalation and exhalation is interrupted by three or more swallows (that is, inhale a little, drink a little, inhale a little more, drink a little, etc., then exhale a little, drink a little, exhale some more, drink a little, etc.). The hiccups will stop immediately, but keep going for one minute or for a period greater that the period of your hiccup, whichever is longer.
Cures that involve eating or drinking something besides (or including) water (but not including drugs or alcohol)
· Eat kim-chee.
· Drink vinegar.
· Eat a dill pickle.
· Swallow dry bread.
· Swallow crushed ice.
· Drink dill pickle juice.
· Drink bitters and soda.
· Eat a spoonful of mustard.
· Swallow a teaspoon of sugar.
· Eat pickled habanero peppers.
· Eat two tablespoonsful of honey.
· Drink milk and eat peanut butter.
· Eat honey (but do not feed to infants).
· (X) Eat a tablespoon of peanut butter.
· Drink a shot of lemon (or lime) juice.
· Suck on a hard candy (may take two).
· Eat a Slim Jim and drink a Dr. Pepper.
· Eat a really sour candy (e.g. Warhead).
· Eat a teaspoonful of Damson Preserves.
· Drink ginger tea with honey for 10 minutes.
· Put sugar under your tongue and hold it there.
· Drink a shot of lime juice with Tabasco sauce added.
· Eat a lemon or lemon wedge (as if it were an orange).
· Drink half a glass of pop and then make yourself burp.
· Put bitters on a lemon wedge and then eat the lemon wedge.
· Slowly eat a mandarin orange, sucking it against the soft palate.
· Swallow a teaspoon full of sugar and strong vinegar in one gulp.
· Take small, quick bites of something dense that is cold or frozen.
· Drink a couple of swigs of white vinegar straight out of the bottle.
· Swallow a spoonful of chocolate pudding (as if it were medicine).
· Drink some soda (drink a second swallow if it doesn't work on the first one).
· Squeeze a lime into a shot (not just a couple of drops) of bitters; down it quickly.
· Drink tomato juice (especially if the hiccups were caused by eating things with a high pH)
· Take five fast, deep breaths; after the last inhale, take three sips of 7-up without exhaling.
· Sprinkle a lemon wedge with sugar, top it with 1/3 teaspoon of bitters, bite into it and suck it dry.
· Put a spoonful of sugar in front of your lips, inhale and suck in the sugar so that it hits the back of your throat.
· Drink one drop of peppermint essential oil mixed in a small glass of water (e.g. a shot glass); repeat if necessary.
· Put sugar under your tongue and hold it there; if that doesn't work, breathe in, hold five seconds, breathe out, hold five seconds, repeat.
· Immediately after placing a heaping teaspoon of sugar in your mouth, sip water slowly without inhaling for as long as you can; then stand relaxed.
· (This from a bartender) Two drops of bitters; 2 oz. (2 shots) of sweetened lime juice; and fill glass (8 oz.) with soda water; drink in one continuous motion; wait 30-60 seconds.
· Pour a packet of Sweet & Low into the palm of your hand and lick it, bite into a freshly cut lemon wedge, and swallow a teaspoonful of Agnostura bitters. (The contributor, a bartender, asked that the name "T's Lick, Toss & Bite but Hick No More" be included with this cure.)
· Eat a dill pickle while you lie on your back with your mouth wide open; let your head hang over the edge of a couch or bed; breathe deeply and slowly.
Drugs, herbs, and drinks that are reputed to cure hiccups
· Dill.
· Rolaids.
· Marijuana.
· Ignatia amara.
· HICCUPS AWAY.
· Magnesia phosphoricum.
· Drink Alka Selzer in water.
· Alcohol-free extract of catnip and fennel.
· Take anything that would make you sneeze.
· A shot of burbon followed by several forced burps.
· Pepto-Bismol Chewables (take two, cherry-flavored).
· Semen Arecae (seed of Areca catechu L., family Palmae)
· Fructus Aurantii (fruit of Citrus aurantium L., family Rutaceae)
· Put an Alka Selzer, salt, and lemon juice in a glass of water; drink.
· Semen Allii Tuberosi (seed of Allium tuberosum Rottler, family Liliaceae)
· Radix Aucklandiae (root of Aucklandia lappa Decne., family Compositae)
· Lidocaine drops in the ears combined with sleep-inducing cough medicine.
· Take repeated small sips of a full beer with a short pause between sips (a second or less).
· Rhizoma Polygonati Odorati (rhizome of Polygonatum odoratum [Mill.] Druce, family Liliaceae)
· Radix Ophiopogonis (root tuber of Ophiopogon japonicus [Thunb.] Ker-Gawl., family Liliaceae)
· Quercus e glandibus (homeopathic remedy derived from acorns, manufactured by Schwabe, Germany).
· Fructus Crataegi (fruit of Crataegus pinnatifida Bunge, and C. cuneata Sieb. et Zucc., family Rosaceae)
· Rhizoma Atractylodis Macrocephalae (rhizome of Atractylodis Macrocephala Koidz, family Compositae)
· Various prescription drugs, including Amphetamine, Amyl nitrite, Baclofen, Haldol (haloperidol), Reglan (metaclopromide), Diphenylhydantoin, Haloperidol, Orphenadrine, Ketamine, Carbamezapine, Metoclopramide, Quinidine, Atropine, Edrophonium.
Cures that are not recommended, ineffective, or involve risk of injury or death ("Don't Try This At Home")
· Smoke a cigarette.
· Thorazine (chlorpromazine)
· Threateningly point a gun at the subject
· Have someone deliver a swift punch to your abdomen.
I like the one about threatening someone with a gun. For future reference there are about 3.5 million web pages referring to hiccups. Well, I'm looking forward to getting hiccups again just to try some of these.
Until next time…
