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RedHotLustLife's blog: "Short Stories"

created on 11/07/2006  |  http://fubar.com/short-stories/b22192

Maybe In Another Life...

Maybe in another lifeā€¦. Do you believe that some people we meet in this life we have had a connection to before? I think I do, but my sister told me the other day that obviously Dennis was someone my soul was drawn to and maybe in another life we either did love or would love forever. The tears are threatening. I hate them. I hate being a dumb woman that loves so passionately and innocently. I hate being a woman that has hormones that drive you to cry instead of get really pissed off and hitting something. Last Sunday, when I was outside crying hoping my kids would just go to sleep and let me cry, my daughter came out to hug me. I don't get many of those from her anymore. She told me although she was really glad he was out of my life, she was sad my smile would never be the same one again. This last time we got together, she kept telling me she didn't like him and didn't know why. I knew why. She watched her mother fall apart in front of her eyes. I dumped thousands in counseling and tried desperately to keep myself together. I love my kids more than anyone in this world and they are the only thing that kept me from doing something drastic or just falling apart altogether. They went through the pain with me because they really loved him, too, and their pain was even more so because my smile disappeared, too. It also took the mom they knew away. I know they took it personally. They thought they never made me as happy as he did. I couldn't force myself to crack one genuine enough to be believed. My smile was as true as the sunrise when I was with him, and this time was no different. My mom and sister keep calling me, making sure I'm okay. I'm better this time because the truth has set me free, but it doesn't take the sadness away. I kept it to myself the last time hoping we would get back together and my pain wouldn't prejudice my family against him. They all knew anyway and were scared for me although I didn't realize it. I thought I was being a good pretender, but even my kids know I suck at lying. Mom asked me the other day if I was okay and I told her, yes, that she should have been worried the last time. All she said was that she knew. God, do you hear me??? I love him. Why couldn't we love in this lifetime????? I forgive him and forgave him the moment I read that he doesn't know why he does the things he does and doesn't know why he doesn't tell the women he sees about each other. Why, why does love hurt so much??? I guess for that answer we should ask your son, Jesus Christ, who suffered because we just can't live without fucking up. Please help me not fall apart again. I don't know if I can go through it again and survive.
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