Angele's blog: "sex quotes my first blog"

1. The last fight we had was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!" 2. In the beginning God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then neither God nor man has rested. 3. My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog. 4. Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mother-in-laws. 5. Young son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son. 6. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. 7. How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free. 8. If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. 9. Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late." 10. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they look beautiful.

Nymphomaniac A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?" She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago." He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality." "Really," he said, "What myths are those?" "Well," she explained, "One popular myth is that American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern red neck." Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name." "Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba."

Sex Quotes I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." Tom Clancy "You know 'that look" women get when they want sex?...... Me neither." Steve Martin "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody Allen "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." Rodney Dangerfield "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal,particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL." Lynn Lavner "Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." George Burns "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." Sharon Stone "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." Jack Nicholson "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is," Barbara Bush (Former U.S. First Lady, and, you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor!) "Ah, yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." Robin Williams "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." Roseanne "Women need a reason to have sex. ! Men just need a place." Billy Crystal "There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" Dustin Hoffman "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." Rod Stewart "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." Robin Williams