I have decided on some things today... god know how I managed to find the time to actually think today. But I did, and I think I came up with some stuff worth saying. Firstly, I figured I would come up with a definition of what I think making love to someone should be. The best I could come up with is...
Lovemaking should be something shared by two people who really truly care about each other. It should also be shared frequently, because as far as I can tell, it serves to only strengthen the bond between the lovers, provided there is a bond in the first place, unless used excessively. (People that have sex just to have sex are fucking stupid, and should be shot. seriously. the only thing that will happen in a relationship like that is someone will get hurt.)
And more a personal opinion than an all encompassing opinion, is that lovemaking should be an opportunity to do anything and everything you can to please your partner, because if you're willing to do some of the things that your partner likes, even if they might make you a little uncomfortable (let's face it... sex is messy! and it doesn't always taste the best either...), within reason of course, I won't do something that absolutely appalls me, but if you're willing to push your limits for them, then it speaks volumes about how far you are willing to go for that person. This is how I feel though, I'm certain some people would disagree.
Secondly, Rob and I had a conversation recently, and this conversation was the catalyst for me coming up with the previous conclusion. He and I were talking about how Men and Women both seem to have issues regarding sex. Women seem to have trouble seperating sex from emotion, while Men seem to be at odds with that, as it's in our genetics, we don't associate the two... Not under normal circumstances. Women don't want to give in and just make love becuase they want to feel like the person they are letting in like that will love them afterwards. Unfortunately, Men have difficulty crossing the threshold of emotion and non-emotion, and it takes a TREMENDOUS mental effort for a man to cross that line. I know, I myself recently learned to associate love and lovemaking, and it was a very laborious achievement on my part. So, the only logical way to solve this dilemma would be to find a middle ground for both sexes right? nope... there is no middle ground. You can't force a woman to fall in love until she feels like it's real enough, and forcing her into sex should be punished with death, and when she does feel that it's real enough, she tends to withold it, saving it for those candlelight dinners and special occasions, like it will give us incentive to stay. (Ladies... WHY????? Men do NOT understand that logic. it seems like the right idea, but it's not) And unfortunately almost no male will ever voluntarily give up sex for a very very long time. That's where we conflict with the witholding... If we don't get it for a long time at one place, we'll go somewhere else... I hate to admit it, but we are that way for the most part. Some men have higher threseholds that others where they reach that point, but ALL men WILL reach that point. So, what are we supposed to do? Well, Rob and I came up with a solution. Rather than being a compromise in the purest sense of the word, it's as if you're looking at both sides of the coin at once.
Women have every right to wait to have sex until they feel like it's right, and Men should have the balls to respect that. (Any man that doesn't, should be violently expelled from the face of the planet.)
Men, should be allowed thiers, BUT they should enjoy it only when there's something there, not just for fun. They should also be allowed to expect it more frequently than only every so often.
Women should NOT withold sex. that's blackmail, and I have no arguement against a man leaving you if you withold sex as a weapon against him. He doesn't deserve that sort of treatment, that's just fucked up. If you don't feel that it's appropriate, by all means don't have sex, but if he pissed you off and you won't forgive him, maybe you should reconsider being together in the first place then huh?
Men should apologize once in a while (Don't look at me like that!), it's not always a bad thing to lose. for those of you that are in it for just the wrong reasons, it may pay off in the short run. however, in the long run, being manipulative won't pay off. Keep it? or use it and throw it away?
FUCKING KEEP IT! don't be stupid! And stop looking at me like that....
And this all loops back to what I said before, once BOTH parties are secure in thier devotion to one another, then lovemaking should be enjoyed frequently by the couple.
Now... issue three. Frequency:
The frequency of a couples lovemaking should not be to the point where both partners are only there to satisfy thier carnal desires. NONONONONONONONONONO! bad... But as I said before, it should be there frequently, as it's a reenforcer of that bond between people, and as a building block in the relationship.
If all a couple does is have sex whenever they're around each other, they've taken a wrong turn somewhere.
However, some couples may find it difficult to spend time together alone, such as in a dual household, or a dating couple who do not live with each other. As such, provided they indulge in the other person's mind through other venues (PHONE, or even when they are together but not making love, ohohOH!! it boggles the MIND!!), frequent lovemaking whenever possible is excusable, and recommended, in my opinion. It's simply taking advantage of the time the couple actually has together alone, provided they speak frequently and actually talk to each other.
Take a couple that lives together, and spends a lot of time around each other, they both work days, and are always home at night with each other. This couple should not be abusing sex. Having it every few days is ok, this is frequent, but not TOO frequent, and honestly, healthy. Having it every 12 hours is serious overkill, and if one or both partners feels used, they are probably right.
So basically what this means, is that depending on the couple's schedule and how often they are presented with the opportunity to make love, should determine how often they actually DO make love. Like I said, relatively frequent lovemaking is very healthy for a relationship, if both partners are satisfied. Abusing it, however, can very quickly undermine a relationship. However often a couple makes love should be left to the couple though. If one partner is making all the decisions about sex (unless it's agreed on by both partners for that arrangement), then something is wrong, I think. Both partners should play a part in determining how much is enough and how much is too much, not just one persons opinion in the whole matter. THIS, is one of the few points here where there is a middle ground, and with a little loving conversation on the subject, where both partners approach it as they are there to help instead of hurt, an agreement between both partners can be reached where both people are satisfied.
I don't think about sex that much, really, this is just something that's been haunting the dark corners of my mind since Rob and I had that discussion.