alphabtchinaz's blog: "Relationships"

Now before I get into my rant I want to ask...why are we paying extra fees at the airport for nothing? I have noticed that our fine US Government is very lax in everything. Other countries check at least 80-85% of all cargo at the ports where we check only 15-20%. Other countries check your car and person before you can come within 1000 feet of an airport while our country lets you drive right up no problem. We are also inconsistent with the TSA. One airport stops someone for something stupid (a granola bar) while the returning flight this person takes lets him go through with a similar granola bar. If we are paying all of these extra fees where the hell is the money going? I think I should get an audited copy of every tax dollar that I spend every year so I can make sure that its actually going to where its supposed to. What do you think? I have also noticed that they do nothing as far as safety until something actually happens. Now how stupid is that? I mean would you let your kids play in the street until a car actually hits them before telling them not to do it?

I have heard from a number of you that have had relationship issues lately and here are some things that I have found from taking psychology way back when. I hope this helps you guys out, and remember the only person who should be important to you is YOU. Children, husbands, bf's, gf's and all the rest should be second, because if you don't take care of you how can you take care of anyone else? 1. Use "I" language. The word "you" will, most assuredly, cause someone to become defensive. The minute we hear "You did this" or "You did that," we feel we are being judged and our automatic human reaction is to defend our position. The moment we become defensive, communication stops. 2. No "zinging." Many of us think a little, friendly "zing" or sarcastic remark is harmless. Not so. In fact, one of the number-one indicators of underlying conflict or negativity within a work environment or relationship is increased sarcasm. There is nothing harmless about it. 3. Don't "chase rabbits." Not sticking to the topic at hand, or chasing rabbits, creates a negative emotional reaction in others. When we don't stick to the point, the person trying to listen is first confused, then impatient and finally resentful. 4. Don't interrupt. It's not only rude, but it often creates the opposite of what we want to achieve. When we interrupt, we generally think we will end or reduce the length of the conversation, but the opposite is true. 5. Restate what you heard. We should make this tip a habit in all our conversations. If we have restated the other person's message correctly, their reaction will most often be, "She DID understand me!" Then you can move on to the next issue. 6. Ask questions that will clarify, not judge. A question should never begin with the word "why." That puts people on the defensive -- and we know that defensiveness stops conversation rather than continues it. 7. Stay in the today, not the yesterday. Often, when we talk about the yesterdays, we tend to throw up the past, or blame. Blaming is a judgment and automatically causes the other person to become defensive.