FoxyLady616's blog: "Relations"

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question... WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?" HUSBAND! : "Of c ourse I do." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look) HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) WIFE: "Would you live in our house?" HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house." WIFE: "Would y ou sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?" HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new." WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?" HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own." WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?" HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed." WIFE: -- Silence-- HUSBAND: "Oops

-Grown Woman Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans. Grown women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits Girls want to control the man in their life. Grown women know that if he’s truly hers, he doesn’t need controlling. Girls check you for not calling them. Grown women are too busy to realize you hadn’t. Girls are afraid to be alone. Grown women revel in it—using it as a time for personal growth. Girls ignore the good guys. Grown women ignore the bad guys. Girls make you come home. Grown women make you want to come home. Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man. Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man. Girls try to monopolize all their man’s time (i.e., don’t want him hanging with his friends). Grown women realize that a lil’ bit of space makes the ‘together time’ even more special—and goes to kick it with her own friends. Girls think a guy crying is weak. Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue. Girls want to be spoiled and ‘tell’ their man so. Grown women ‘show’ him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate without fear of losing his ‘manhood’. Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it. Grown women know that that was just one man. Girls fall in love and chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all ‘signs’. Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, don’t always love you back—and move on, without bitterness. Girls will read this and get an attitude. Grown women will read this and pass it on to other Grown women and their male friends“. Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” This is wonderful! We need to teach our young ladies to be grown women. I didn't ask to be a Princess, but if the crown fits. ....

A little girl went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet. She poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes. Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall's Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door. She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention, but he was too busy at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good. Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it! "And what do you want?" the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. I'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven't seen in ages," he said without waiting for a reply to his question. "Well, I want to talk to you about my brother," Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. "He's really, really sick..and I want to buy a miracle." "I beg your pardon?" said the pharmacist. "His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a miracle cost?" "We don't sell miracles here, little girl. I'm sorry but I can't help you," the pharmacist said, softening a little. "Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn't enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs." The pharmacist's brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, "What kind of a miracle does your brother need?" " I don't know," Tess replied with her eyes welling up. I just know he's really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can't pay for it, so I want to use my money." "How much do you have?" asked the man from Chicago. "One dollar and eleven cents," Tess answered barely audibly. "And it's all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to." "Well, what a coincidence," smiled the man. "A dollar and eleven cents---the exact price of a miracle for little brothers. " He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said "Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let's see if I have the miracle you need." That well dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed free of charge and it wasn't long until Andrew was home again and doing well. Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place. "That surgery," her Mom whispered. "was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?" Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost...one dollar and eleven cents....plus the faith of a little child In our lives, we never know how many miracles we will need. A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law. I know you'll keep the ball moving! Here it goes. Throw it back to someone who means something to you! A ball is a circle, no beginning, no end. It keeps us together like our Circle of Friends. But the treasure inside for you to see is the treasure of friendship you've granted to me. Today I pass the friendship ball to you. Pass it on to someone who is a friend to you. MY OATH TO YOU... When you are sad....I will dry your tears. When you are scared.....I will comfort your fears. When you are worried.....I will give you hope. When you are confused....I will help you cope. And when you are lost....And can't see the light, I shall be your beacon.....Shining ever so bright. This is my oath.....I pledge till the end. Why you may ask?.....Because you're my friend Signed: GOD

In a dark and gloomy room, the fortune teller was startled by what she saw In her crystal ball. She looked up at her customer, sitting across the table. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked: "Will I get away with it?"

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Maude: What in the hell is that? Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. Maude: Where did you get it? Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore. The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers. "Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel." The pharmacist fainted.

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said. You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates. The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?" The man replied, "These are Carols." And So The Holiday Season Begins....

PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands! Bet your friends haven't seen this one! DON 'T FORGET TO SHARE THIS

*To A Keeper** **¸...¸ __/ /____ ,·´º o`·,/__/ _/_ ```)¨(´´´ | | [1] | | [1]| | |[1] || |l±±±± ¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-,¸ `°²·-. :º°** **One day someone's spouse died, and on that clear, cold morning, in the warmth of their bedroom, the remaining** **spouse was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any more. No more hugs, no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, no more "just one minute." Sometimes, what we care about the most gets all used up and goes away never to return before we can say good-bye, say "I love you." **¸...¸ __/ /____ ,·´º o`·,/__/ _/_ //____/ ```)¨(´´´ | | [1] | | [1]| | |[1] || |l±±±± ¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°²·- :º° ** **So while we have it . . . it's best we love it . . and care for it and fix it when it's broken . . . and heal it when it's sick. This is true for marriage and old cars . . . and children with bad report cards and dogs with bad hips and aging parents and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it. **¸...¸ __/ /____ ,·´º o`·,/__/ _/_ //____/ ```)¨(´´´ | | [1] | | [1]| | |[1] || |l±±±± ¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°²·-.. :º°** **Some things we keep -- like a best friend who moved away or a classmate we grew up with. There are just some things that make us happy, no matter what. **¸....¸ __/ /____ ,·´º o`·,/__/ _/_ //____/ ```)¨(´´´ | | [1] | | [1]| | |[1] || |l±±±± ¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°²·-.. :º°** **Life is important, like people we know who are special . . . and so, We keep them close! **¸...¸ __/ /____ ,·´º o`·,/__/ _/_ //____/ ```)¨(´´´ | | [1] | | [1]| | |[1] || |l±±±± ¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°²·-. :º°** **I received this from someone who thought I was a 'keeper'! Then I sent It to the people I think of in the same way. Now it's your turn to send this to all those people who are "keepers" in your life.** **¸....¸ __/ /____ ,·´º o`·,/__/ _/_ //____/ ```)¨(´´´ | | [1] | | [1]| | |[1] || |l±±±± ¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°²·-.. :º°** **Thank you for being a special part of my life!** ¸..¸ __/ /____ ,·´º o`·,/__/ _/_ //____/ ```)¨(´´´ | | [1] | | [1]| | |[1] || |l±±±± ¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°²·-. :º° **You're a Keeper!** *

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question... WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?" HUSBAND! : "Of c ourse I do." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look) HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) WIFE: "Would you live in our house?" HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house." WIFE: "Would y ou sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?" HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new." WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?" HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own." WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?" HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed." WIFE: -- Silence-- HUSBAND: "Oops."

Yahoo is back up!! At least on my end of the world.