Over 16,538,441 people are on fubar.
What are you waiting for?
"The only man a girl can depend on is her daddy."
That line from Grease is one that has resonated with me for years, and it has even affected the way that I approach my relationships. I think this is, because in my case, I didn't even have my own dad to depend on growing up. He dropped out of my life right before my 2nd birthday, (August 7th, 1986) and didn't come back into my life until about two days before my 16th.
Fourteen years of absence from my life, and all he could say was, "I always MEANT to call or write, but time just gets away from us." Ten to one, he wouldn't have ever gotten back in contact with me, if it wasn't for the letters that I sent him secretly throughout 6th grade. And, not even then.. had it not been for my former step-mom who happened to find those letters while doing some spring cleaning! I owe it to her for the relationship I have with my father, albeit shaky and off-on as it is. At least I've gotten to meet my two half brothers, and my former step-sisters.
How has that quote and my experiences with an absent father affected my dating relationships? Easy. (Or so it may seem to me, now, that I've been thinking about it a lot (lightly for the last couple of years, heavily for the last half of year or so.)
Since I was about 16-17, I convinced most of myself that I didn't want children. I dated guys that didn't want them as well, and guys that weren't very dependable. I guess I figured that if I couldn't count on my daddy, then there weren't any guys that I could even attempt to count on to be there for me.
My realization of what I really wanted from life started coming unearthed, in my mind, during the last (very rocky) months of my previous relationship with Jeff. I was seeing how deep of a mess he was getting himself in, and I know that sooner or later, (pardon the crudeness,) the shit is going to hit the fan for him. I realized that I needed a man that I could depend on to stay out of trouble to be able to support me and a future family. I needed a man that could stay out of jail/prison and not resort to illegal practices to make money just for kicks. I needed a man that I could trust with all my heart and soul around myself and any possible children. And, perhaps most of all, I needed a man that wasn't an alcoholic like my father. Jeff didn't fit any of that bill.. which is when I just considered it a lost cause.
The truth of it is, I DO want marriage and a couple of children. I just hope with all that I have that I find a guy that will WANT to walk with me throughout all the experiences, trials, joys and tribulations of life together, no matter what happens or what comes our way. And hope that I don't have a 'hit and run' man.. one's just looking for flings and no commitment. (Like my father admitted when he dated my mother and then found out I was on the way.)
I'm scared to death that I wouldn't be a good momma... but if I didn't worry about that, shouldn't that raise more red flags about my abilities and my mindset?
I've been dating Adam for three months now. Through conversation about the topic and seeing him interact with Austin once, I know that he'd be there for me in the future if we happened to have children. And I know that he would be a good daddy. This is the first relationship that I have had that I am feeling really good about and am truly excited to see where it takes us. Perhaps it's because I've decided that I am not hiding my wants, needs and desires anymore. Or maybe it's because I have a really good feeling about us? It's definitely a combination of the two; and a whole lot more!
Maybe the line should be revised to be not that, "The only guy that a girl can depend on is her daddy," but that, "The only thing that a girl can depend on to show her what she needs and desires from her future is her past?"
