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After getting drunk friday night to pass away my time, and get my mind off of everything, i sat down with a notebook and started writing like a retard on speed to get all of this out. With my lovely friends help, i came up with this list. most of it, unrealistic and will never happen. The majority of it, I will make happen. Now, for your reading enjoyment, i figured i would share my wonderful, thoughtfilled drunken LIST with everyone on FUBAR and MYSPACE so they can either have something to THINK about or something to LAUGH over. Because seriously, kids. We all have fuckin hopes. We all have fuckin dreams. ANd lone behold! these are motherfuckin mine.
What I Want To Do Before I’m 75.
(*red = done. *black = unaccomplished)
[___] *year it happened in.
1. Go to Amsterdam and smoke weed in a smoke bar
2. Get drunk in an Irish pub in Ireland
3. SCUBA dive in New Zealand
4. Sky Dive in Australia
5. Get a tattoo in Belgium
6. Go to Japan for real sushi
7. Visit my relatives in Germany
8. Lay on a beach in Mexico from sun up to sun down
9. Walk the streets in Brazil
10. Go to Moscow
11. Watch the ball drop in Times Square
12. Spend a Christmas in Disneyland
13. Get a tattoo done by Kat Von D in LA
14. Relax in a garden in Thailand
15. Go through a hurricane in Florida
16.Spend $5,000.00 at Mall Of America
17. Toilet paper the white house
18. Be kissed in the Eiffel Tower
19. Watch the sunrise on a mountain top while its snowing
20. Snowboard in the Alps
21 Spend a month at a children’s hospital volunteering
22 Hike the Grand Canyon
23Accept Life the way it is.
24 Have someone make love to me the way -he- does…. (it will never happen. EVER. Unless its with him again.)
25 Change someone’s life
26 Take the mona lisa. Smash it over some persons head, and call it my own walking art piece.
27. Be kissed in the pouring down rain
28. Adopt a family during the holidays anonymously
29. Send a different anonymous family on a vacation…
30. Be a better mom
31. Make my own cake for a charity with the cake boss.
32. Save someone’s life.
33. Never forget about the one person in the world who changed my life in so many ways in a short period of time
34. Drive 1 time for NASCAR
35. Love like I’ve never loved before
36. Dance like no one is watching
37. Laugh until I piss myself
38. Kiss the one I love under the stars.
39. Sing “Tiny Dancer” with Elton John
40. Play the piano with Stevie Wonder
41. Own my own house.
42. Walk the beach at night
43. Restore and cruise a `67 Cheville
44. See Tran Siberian Orchestra live
45. Convince and help someone not kill themselves.
46. Lose 115 lbs.
47. Learn to truly love and believe in myself
48. Fall asleep in someone’s arms… who loves me… completely and utterly happy. [2009. November]
49. Be confident after I lose the weight to strip in a hooker club.. One time only
50. Own my own salon
51. Have a piece of art made only for me…
52. Be in a movie
53 Have sex on a beach
54. Spend more time smiling, and less time worrying about the small things.. Stressing…. And being sad.
55. Volunteer at a homeless shelter
56. Learn to hardcore rock climb.
57. Have someone do a sketch of my son and I.
58. Be the reason why a group of kids graduate from high school
59. Ride co-pilot in a helicopter, and then take over the helicopter and show them how its really done
60. Meet 1 holocaust survivor
61. Teach an English class in Compton
62. Scream "THE WHOLE WORLD NEEDS TO GET FUCKED" from “The Arch” in Missouri
63. Run the stairs like rocky
64. Be someone’s everything (Draven not included)
65. Open up a drug & alcohol free night club for the age of 20 and under. Yet during the day give them a place to study and hang out.
66. Have the profit (after the normal finances) go towards a charity for underprivileged teenagers.
67. Make an ice sculpture
68. Blow my own glass
69. Go to Sturgis
70. Own a Harley
71. Ave someone turn this list into a pretty badass painting for my wall.
72. Re-Live an art exhibit in the full effect.
73. Live life with no regrets
74. Conquer guitar hero
75. Then conquer rock band
76. Apologize to Joe Dudley for taking all of his money out of his checking account when we broke up.
77. Don’t apologize for breaking up with him.
78. Regain the friends I lost
79. Give a $100.00 bill to a lady who is pregnant, and you can tell she’s struggling to make ends meat.
80. Spend a full year wearing a new pair of socks, every day, and to throw them out at sundown.
81. Drive somewhere with no destination
82. Learn to trust again
83 Have my life made into a movie, so people can learn from it.
83A. Feel bad for the dumbasses who watched it.
84. Get a degree in something random that I’ll never use
85. Plant my face on a billboard
86. With something perverted under it
87. Intrigue myself in literature.. You can learn a lot from a good book or a novel
88. Show people that I can actually paint… I can actually sketch… I can actually draw…. Yet admit to them that I haven’t done it since I had my mental breakdown.
89. Randomly spray paint someone’s car
90. Watch a child be born
91. Fuck with an Ouija board
92. Make it snow… in August.
93. Plant a garden
94. Rid of my mental disabilities or learn to live with them and balance them.
95. Play my sax on a street… in San Francisco.
96. Run/walk 24 hours for Cancer awareness
97. Go to a comedy show
98. Pay off all my debts
99. Re-establish my credit
100. Help someone with nothing… who wants to be something…. Get somewhere in live… And give them a new start.
101. Hire a pyro technician on my birthday
102. Get a room made of glass
103. Break everything in a room of glass with a metal bat
104. …walk on broken glass…
105. Send a message in a bottle and await the results.
106. Visit an 1800’s cemetery
107. Leave flowers on every single grave in a cemetery
108. Have someone tattoo something on me that is random, yet to them it means something from their heart.
109. Convince people that kurt cobain was nothing but an over glorfiied drug addict
110. Attempt to turn a person into a zombie so i can keep them as a pet.
111. Piss on hitlers grave, or something to that affect.
112
113
114
115
116
117
118
119
120
Ive givin up
ive fallen out
ive lost all that ive lacked
i cant turn around
i cant change the past
i cant let you go
i cant stay behind.
((im a weak ass bitch.))
This is far from a love story.
This is far from a horror story.
This is the current stance... the current situation
OF karma biting my ASS.
Im tired.
im sick and tired of being that girl who wears her heart on her sleeve
Only to get it shattered and broken and beat and fucked up.
But, its not your fault...
No, It is Not your fault...
I did this to myself.
Im laying here asking myself.
I did many things wrong.
that i can recall
Ive gotton irratated.
Situations have changed.
Things, went into a downward spiral.
But.
......
You said you wanted to treat me right.
Why did you give up the fight.
You say you can't give me what i need.
All i needed was a friend.
Your shoulder to cry on.
Your hands to hold.
Your strength when i am weak.
Someone to look me in the eyes and say
ITS. GOING. TO. BE. OKAY.
Without feeding me a line of bullshit....
I hesitated so much on going to see you....
Months and MONTHS went by and i finally went up there....
1000 at night i got in my SUV and drove...
Just so i could finally touch you for the first time.
-(August 7th. 2009.)-
it was a night worth remembering....
And you grew on me
More than i wanted you to.
I just dont get it.
Why do i set myself up to get hurt again?
Why am i so suseptable to this kind of thing?
Why dont i just move on?
Because...
I cant.
But. you are you.
enough said.
And im not going to sit here and fight.
Until then..
And you wonder why i closet myself from humanity.
To realize something.
To open up my eyes and realize that i am an endless target of getting hurt.
That the only certain people that actually "matter" are so self centered and full of shit that they are oblivious to the everythings that are going on around them.
That people let others lie to them repeatedly so they can hopefully learn to trust only themselves.
That people take the internet way to fucking seriously and the only thing that fucking matters is the people you know in real life, or are going to make an attemption to get to know in real life, and not the ones that live in fucking canada... united kingdom.... mexico... whatever.
Oh, and that people are not the clothes they wear.
The music they listen to
The movies they watch
The color of their hair
The tone in their voice
The cigarettes they smoke
The herb they grow
The beer they drink
The church they go to
The religion they CLAIM to believe
They are not the left
The right
The up
The down
The diagnol
NOTHING OF THAT.
So why do they claim to Really fucking be it?
To live their lives in a lie.
To paint a smile on their face and pretend that everything is okay.
Ive learned that people are the reason why humanity is slowly going insane.
Ive learned that people are the reason why existance is becoming nothing but a joke.
ive realized that people are so fucking full of shit that they dont even know that the person sitting next to them really doesnt care.
But oh god.
There is also that handful of people that do matter.
That do care.
That do know that they live their lives the way they want to... That they aren't a lie.
That theyre real.
That completely trust themselves, and maybe 1 other person....
And there is that handful of people who opened up your world to a whole different life... a different way.... a different meaning...>
The ones you treasure to spend time with on a personal level.
And count down the days to see again....
There are those people....
who are in your life... physically...mentally...emotionally...spiritually.....
And You never want to let them go.
i really think ive mixed up my group of people...
....and sometimes you sit here and wonder
why is the world the place that it is.
everything seems so obsolete, and everything seems so assbackwards.
you start to wonder why its good vs evil
optamistic vs pessimistic
reality vs fantasy.
you start to wonder why bipolarisim is starting to devour everybodies lives.
you start to wonder why people become sadistic.... manic.... suicidal....
and become institutionalized only because their on a real bad acid trip, or just need to be fucking held for once in their lives....
and it makes you wonder if there really is a GREAT institution out there that can help people instead of feeding more and more bullshit into their minds that they really dont need to know
........but its all a factor of life....
//laughs....
it seems like its in the atmosphere.
that its becoming fashionable and logical for people to attempt to lock themselves inside a dark closet and bang their wrists against walls.
it seems like people are in the right for having not one hope for themselves and seeing the negative in everything....
and it seems like 35% of relationships are totally fucking perfect when a girl is getting hit by some guy, getting her money stolen by him, walks into him screwing her best friend, or him smoking meth.....
...........however, everything gets better. somewhat better..............
-(insert intense mind blank here due to herb smokage.)-
Maybe ill finish this rant later.
~Elisa M.W.
