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Ratings and Such...

So, let me get this straight: Fubar has this rating system, which I assume is based completely on personal opinion, of which everyone has. But, if you rate anything less than '10' you have some kind of problem. Why have a rating system if you can't be honest. Actually, I rarely rate anything lower than a '10'. If I don't like something I just don't rate it at all. If I choose to rate something at any level that should be my choice and not subject to discussion or personal attacks. What is more, I have never rated a person's profile less than '10' nor will I ever, even if I rate some of their content less than that. And if I choose to delete a comment from my page, again, that is my choice, and not open for discussion. If that makes me a 'coward' then what does that say about someone who blocks my attempt to message them and offer my side? Hypocrisy in America? Say it ain't so, Joe! C'mon guys! This is a virtual world, not a real one!

Feeling Old?

Let's face it: When you hear that Prince, old 'Purple Rain' himself is getting a hip replacement, you have to wonder how much longer the rest of us have.

Measurements

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around he place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. He then jumps onto the pool table and grabs one of the billiard balls. To everyone's amazement, he sticks it in his mouth, and somehow swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, 'Did you see what your monkey just did?' 'No, what?' 'He just ate the cue ball off my pool table... whole!' 'Yeah, that doesn't surprise me,' replied the guy, 'he eats everything in sight. Sorry! I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff.' The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves. Two weeks later the guy is in the bar again, and has his Monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. 'Did you see what your monkey did now?' 'No, what?' replied the man. 'Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled them out, and ate them!' said the bartender. 'Yeah, that doesn't surprise me,' replied the guy. 'He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to crap that cue ball, he measures everything first.'

The UPS Man

One Monday morning the UPS man is driving the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. 'Wow, Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,' the UPS man comments. Bob, in obvious pain, replies, 'Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. Hell, we all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing 'WHO AM I?'' The UPS man thinks a moment and says, 'How do you play 'WHO AM I?'' 'Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a t ime with a sheet covering us, with only our 'privates' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is.' The UPS man laughs and says, 'Damn, I'm sorry I missed that.' 'Probably a good thing you did,' Bob responded. 'Your name came up seven times...'
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. As they stand at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Paradise and meet their maker, God decides to grant each person one wish because of the grief they have experienced. They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. 'I want to be gorgeous,' and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says 'I want to be gorgeous too' Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted. This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous, but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off. Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy eventually calms down and says: 'Make 'em all ugly again.' NEXT TIME YOU'RE LAST IN LINE, BE HAPPY.

Ear Hair

My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from reoccurring she should go to the store and get some 'Nair' hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month. The lady goes to the drug store and gets some 'Nair' hair remover. At the register the druggist tells her, 'If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days.' The lady says: 'I'm not using it under my arms.' The druggist says: 'If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days.' The lady says: 'I'm not using it on my legs either; if you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer.' The druggist says: 'Stay off your bicycle for a week.'

Wrong thing to say...

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' He never heard the shot....
King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the great wizard was showing him his latest creation. It was a chastity belt, except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place which made it basically useless. "This is no good, Merlin!" the King exclaimed, "Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect my lady, the Queen, when I'm on a long quest?" "Ah, sire, just observe," said Merlin. He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two. "Merlin, you are a genius!" said the grateful monarch. "Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected." After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon a lengthy Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all of his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection. Sure enough, each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them, except Sir Galahad. "Sir Galahad," exclaimed King Arthur. "You are my one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours." But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless.
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