Misti's blog: "~Random Thoughts~"

It started with a dedication, lost in admiration, strange attraction spreads it's wings and I laughed in the mirror for the first time in a year; like an old painted doll in the throes of dance, I think about tomorrow But this isn't truth this isn't right This isn't love, this isn't life, this isn't real This is a lie Mouth and eyes and heart all bleed and run in thickening streams of greed; Happiness murmured in dreams This dream never ends; this world always stops; this night always falls again The fire is almost cold and there's nothing left to burn And it's so cold it's like the cold if you were dead Like I'm living at the edge of the world Standing alone underneath the sky I feel the chill of ice I sense the quiet despair I couldn't help but notice your icy blue eyes You never looked as lost as this On those days when it felt like snow I can't just carry on this way and every time I turn away Another perfect lie is choked Catching haloes on the moon Can't stand here like this anymore The sun shines cold and all the sky is grey The stars are dimmed by clouds and tears and all I wish is gone away That was the Jupiter crash Yeah this is how it ends, after all this time Everything just fades away Remember I was always true Remember that I always tried Remember I loved only YOU Remember me and smile... Because - This dream always ends This feeling always goes The time always comes to slip away Always fade; Always die This to be the end For all my dreams came true

Please don’t hide from me It makes no difference anyway I see your nakedness, I see your every flaw, every wrinkle, mole, freckle . . . I see it all I even see your heart that skips a beat when I come around I see it past your see-through skin I see what others don’t I see the real you – your insides – and your soul I see perfection . . . perfection for me . . . I want you I need you I love you ALL of you . . . Tell me I am not insane . . .

The room is cold and dark I sit and think A fever grows inside me My blood boils with thoughts of my wish A want to have you by my side I am ill . . . Outside, it’s raining ice . . . A coldness grows and a chill blows through my bones The warmth I felt inside my heart is gone My veins are icing too The darkness that was comfort grows in to unknown A want and yearning grows . . . for you . . . To feel you Your warmth Your touch Your breath Your kiss . . . The moisture of your lips Your caress upon my breast The heat of our bodies as they entwine All but memories of pastimes, dreams, and wishful thoughts Nothing tangible or real Nothing I can truly hold To feel you Hold you Kiss your lips . . . In more than just my thoughts My mind, my heart, my spirit . . . They hold you as my own But will I ever truly hold you once . . . Just once in my arms? Will you ever truly be mine . . . in every way? The darkness, once my comfort . . . Now a reminder of a thought of loss ~ a never gained