The Leezard Black Cloud Extrordinarie's blog: "Random thoughts and brain clutter."

Alas, I woke up early this afternoon to read the paper about my longtime hero and his passing. I remember seeing hin the first time live. It was the day of my 13th birthday. He was playing the Civic Center in Rapid City for the Sturgis Motor Cycle Rally. My dad had bought tickets, up in the nosebleed section, and took me to see him. I was stoked. Even wayyyyyy up there, he had this huge, hilarious presence. I was saying some of his jokes right along with him (some from his book, Brain Droppings, which I carried around like a bible in high school, then took with me to Job Corps and eventually college, and more from his tv show). I had this guy next to me roilling because i was going along with it, right down to when Mr. Carlin started his spiel about fat-ass boomer yuppies and their 'loose fitting jeans'. Dad even bought me a shirt, which I no longer have. It was called 'An Incomplete List of Impolite Words- 10,000 Dirty Words and Phrases Compiled by George Carlin'. I wore that to middle school almost daily, until the principal told me that it was inappropriate even though you had to be right on me to read it. The last time I saw him live was 5 short years ago. I had spend $70 on tickets for decent seats, and I went there with the wife of one of the guys on my Fire Department. We had a blast. A friend of mine had recorded his box set for me on casette tapes, which I had blasting on my car stereo, while every one else had rap. You'll be missed, Mr. Carlin. Especially by me. My life was forever changed by one of your big pieces of advice: Relax. And Have Fun.

This is a continuation of part 1 on my campaign for President. -The 4th of July, my favorite holiday. Okay, too many restrictions have been placed on the explosives manner of this holiday. Alright, I'mma lay it out right quick: There shall be no restrictions on the type of fireworks that can be used for the celebration of this holiday. BUT!!!! Some of y'all know I am a firefighter.. so, if there is a burn ban enacted, there will be at LEAST somewhere to light them off, with fire crews standing by. We don't want the whole fucking place burning down, but at least people will get to have fun, celebrate, and all that goodness. I'm not saying set them off wherever, especially if there's a Red flag Warning in effect (look it up, i ain't your search engine), but the citizens should be albe to light some up. I can't let it get too lax, lest someone burns their entire state down. Then people will be homeless and there will be kids without a place to crash and play video games and play and such, and I can't have that.. but hell, we need to have some fun. -I am enacting a Native American History Month. Yes, there's a week, but nobody really knows when it is. NDNs have gone way too long without recognition, and even though I can't undo all the broken treaties, i want to start to make it right. Oh BTW, if you vote for me, i will be the first Oglala Lakota in office. -Shady politicians. Fuck them. All those made of money assholes are out of office, and everybody needs to elect someone real. Someone hardworking. Not some made of money motherfucker that thinks he knows what's best for the country as he's kicking back, smoking a cuban cigar, and using taxpayer money to have some filipino prostiture jerk him off on some tropical isle. Elect that hardcore old marine that was in Vietnam and is still a smartass and knows his shit. We need more dudes like that in office. Someone that has really been there and done that. Not some suit that doesn't even know how to change his own tire. -Religion. Don't look at me, man. Y'all do what you do. Worship the nutsack of the creppy guy in the alley for all I care. Just don't be killing people over it. Oh, that brings me to... -Them goofy assholes that go to Fallen Servicemember's funerals and protest. Saying it's 'God's was of punishing the country for letting gay people have rights'. Fuck them. I say if a servicemember falls in the line of duty, his or her battle buddies should be able to carry their weapons and take them out. Yeah this sort of shit rubs me the wrong way. I wonder how these fools would like it if I assembeled a unit just to go and protest THEIR loved ones' funeral? In fact, I think I will. Hell, It's late. Even a future presidential candidate needs her sleep. I'll have more later.

I've announced that I was running for president in the year 2020. Why so late, you may ask? Well, that's when I'll be old enough to run, that's why. So here are my thoughts: -I support gay marriage. I believe that gay people should have every right to fall in love, get married, move together, get in a fight, get pissed off, get a messy divorce, and lose half their shit like the rest of us do. -I would like to start a new branch of the Military. Called 'The Horde', that branch will be the main one dedicated to Homeland Security. And they'll start with the prison system. There are a bunch of motherfuckers on death row. Some for heinous crimes. The Horde will take them out. The ones that have been convicted beyond a shadow of a doubt of rape and crimes against children will be in the front of the line. Those fuckers are soaking up tax money by getting 3 hots and a cot for too long, when that money could go toward bettering education systems and providing aid for them hardworking mofos out there living paycheck to paycheck. And better healthcare. -I will enact the REAL No Child Left Behind act. People convicted of child abuse will have their hands severed from their bodies. If you hit a kid, you're gonna get hurt. If you abandon children because of your own bullshit reasons, you will be systematically sterelized and left out in the wilderness, just like you pretty well did to your child. God help you if you commit a heinous crime like rape or child pornography, or even trafficking, because I sure as shit won't. -High level fraud and embezzlement will get all your posessions stripped, and you will be forced to live in a cardboard box until the court deems you to have been punished enough. If you embezzle or defraud a well- meaning cause like the salvation army or the red Cross, you will go without the cardboard box. In the ghetto. -Spousal abuse. If you hit your spouse, male or female, your spouse is automatically granted a divorce, and your ass gets a beatdown. If you hit your spouse AND children, you automatically get your genatalia mutilated. Granted this all has to be proven without a shadow of a doubt, but if it has, you arent a real man or woman, and should be physically altered as such. -I'm all for free speech, but if you take it to the next level, and take out something because of your own bigotry (Temple, churches, things of the like), your own house will be taken out. If you have children, they will be sent to counseling and to a different school ,with people who will teach them love and tolerance. Your ass, on the other hand, will lose your rights, and be forced to rebuild and/or fix what you fucked up. -Reservations will be expanded and revamped, so no NDN will have to worry about not having land. I will STRONGLY suggest the bettering of healthcare and education, and provide funding for such, but the Rezes are soverign governments, so i can't make them do shit. -Healthcare!! Damn the healthcare in this country is fucked up, no? Fuck it. We're keeping medicare, because a lot of us paid into it to find out that it may not be around when we're old enough to recieve it. How will it be paid for? Well besides the usual Social Security deducts that get taken from your hard earned money, remember what I said before about those heinous motherfuckers getting taken out earlier? Yeah, that's the shit there. And healthcare will still be paid for by your insurance, and if you don't have it, it will be on a sliding scale based on your income.. and not your Gross income, but your take home. Fucking people and their 'Gross income scale'. That shit don't work, people!! Because it don't factor in shit like food, and fuel, clothing and toys for your children.. people don't think of shit like this, but I do.. I'm here for the Citizens of the United States. I'd say make the healthcare free for all citizens, but look how it works in Canada and the UK... fucking waiting for 3 months to see a specialist. If you're in labor, you may as well have the baby at home. No. Fuck that. Because we are the United Fucking States, we need to be the best. -I would like to announce my idea for a new law- The 'Old enough to fight for your contry, old enough to drink' law. If you're in the Military, you should be able to go to your local establishment of drinking and have you a beer. Because you get deployed to some hot fucking place for a long time and you get shot at by achmed and habib, your shit gets blown up and you just seen your buddy get his arm fucking blown off, you should be able to have the same rights as someone that risks their life for their country should. -Oh I'm not done yet. Wait for part 2