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Busty LaRue's blog: "Random Stories"

created on 04/12/2011  |  http://fubar.com/random-stories/b340549

The End

     Every where he looked, he saw a void of gray, shapeless shadows. If he moved, they seemed to move with him. If he reached for them, they’d retreat further. He’d hear murmurs all around. Any way he turned, there would be nobody there. He’d walk for what felt like hours, and nothing would change. He could have just been walking in place for all he knew. It didn’t occur to him that he didn’t grow thirsty, or tired, or hungry. He had no real way of discerning the time. There was no sun or moon, and therefore, no day or night. It seemed to be a forever gray twilight. He had no way of knowing where the small amount of light came from. It was just there – giving enough light to see that there really wasn’t much to see.

      He’d hear soft cries in the distance. Snatches of conversations floated around him – accusations (those were the loudest), crying, arguments, and apologies (these barely audible). He could never hear the words; just the tone the words were said in. After a while, he realized the voices were familiar… One of the voices – the one making the accusations, and later, the apologies – were his. He started listening to the voices. He tried to make out the words that were being said. He tried to remember the other voice.

      After a while – it could have been days, or it could have been years, he didn’t know – he began to understand some of what was being said. He began concentrating on the words. And, as he began doing that, the shadows would move a little closer. He didn’t notice at first. They had always been there, so he wasn’t alarmed… Until they started making shapes.

      He was sitting down, listening to the voices. He wanted to hear what they were saying. It was an argument; that much he could tell. He heard random words and phrases. The male voice (he knew it was his voice, but he was scared to admit it, even to himself) was yelling things like “Buy food”, “Sex”, and “take care of myself”. The other voice was a soothing murmur, but this seemed to enrage the male voice. Then, the other voice finally became loud enough for him to hear that it was a woman’s voice. The tone was harsh and angry. As he listened to this voice – straining to hear the words – he saw a shadow separate from the gray mass. It glided a little in his direction – slowly, hesitantly – as if afraid he would reach out for it. This was new for him; he’d never seen one of the shadows come near him. He watched in amazement as it formed a shape: a person. No, not just a person, but a woman. He watched in wonder as the shadows formed the legs and arms. He blushed as the torso grew breasts, and the hips flared out. The head formed and sprouted hair. The hair flowed down past rounded shoulders. The head formed a featureless face. Dips, rises, and bumps flowed around. After a minute, they formed a nose, lips, eyes... The shadow-woman – for that was what she was – looked in his direction. At least, he thought she was looking at him, since her eyes were two small depressions in her face, and not real eyes. She slowly opened her mouth, and three words came out to him in a voice that he instantly recognized.

            Pain assaulted his heart as grief tore through him. Realization dawned on him and he suddenly knew where he was: in Limbo. The shadows began hissing, the first sound he’d heard them make. He still didn’t know where he was, but he began to feel. Sensations ripped all over his body – pain battering his entire body. His heart felt as if it were being ripped asunder.  Suddenly, he was encompassed in loneliness, cold, and insatiable need. He curled up in a fetal position to ward off the pain as if it was coming from another source. He closed his eyes, tears bled out and onto the ground.  Images battered his mind. He saw himself doing horrible things. He saw a child – a boy – biting a baby on a hand that grasped a teddy bear. That boy was so familiar. He knew those brown eyes, and that mousy hair. That boy was HIM! He was biting the baby because he’d wanted the bear, but it belonged to… her… his sister! Then, he saw himself, older. Confident. Cocky. He was ruler of his little corner of the world – and he ruled with an iron back hand. He saw the first girl he’d ever loved. He would have done anything for her. He HATED her for what he perceived as a weakness. He treated her worse than a dog. He’d hit her, rape her. He did anything he wanted and she’d let him. All because she loved him. She was convinced that all he needed was love and understanding, and he’d want to be a better man.  He saw himself the way she saw him: tall, handsome, radiant; like some knight in shining armor sent to rescue the princess… Then he saw the way she saw herself. Once he saw that, he became so full of shame and self loathing… The next thing he saw was her mangled, broken body – those sweet eyes closed forever. The next instant he experienced a pain so intense, it resonated to his soul. He was torn asunder. Pieces of him were tossed & battered by the wind. He gave up and let the cold wind take him where it wanted, hoping that it would take him from the pain. But, that was too easy of an escape, and Justice wouldn’t be thwarted that easily. He came back to himself in a rush of agony. He knew –in that moment – that he was experiencing all the pain he’d caused in all the lives he’d touched.  He drifted among currents of agony, despair, hatred, and shame. There was no end to the suffering.  He had no idea how long it would go on, or if it would even stop. His entire world became a torturous hell.

            Behind him, he heard a sweet voice singing a song. It was so familiar, both the voice and the song. He couldn’t remember the name of the song, but it was a sweet, sad little song about a place over the rainbow. The shadows began to part and the singer became visible to his eyes. Before him was a child. She was luminous, as if lit from inside by a radiant light. She had the sweet face of a child of 5 years old, but her eyes haunted him. They were both young and old – as if she had seen a lifetime of war, violence, and hate, but she still held out hope for the future. Her eyes were not quiet almond, but not round. Laughter and sunshine sparkled out of her face as her pink lips formed the words to her song. As the last of the melody died on her lips, tears began to fall from his eyes. He was astonished to feel such poignant emotion from a simple song. She looked at him and, with a sad smile, offered him her delicate hand. He hesitated for just a moment, unsure if he should sully her hand with his. A sad smile lit upon her lips, as if she knew what he was thinking. She reached out and clasped his hand. He felt a peaceful sensation infuse his soul. Did he even have a soul, anymore? As he pondered on this, he felt a slight tug. He looked down at her. Her face was serene as she looked at him expectantly. She tugged once again. He took a step in the direction she was pulling him, unsure of what this angelic little being wanted. They started off in the direction she came. The light didn’t get brighter as they moved toward it. He didn’t have long to ponder upon this, the shadows began to hiss and close in on them.  A gray vaporous haze began to engulf them. He looked around them, fear choking him. He trembled, wondering what would happen. The shadows rumbled, as if enjoying his fear, and grew darker. The child continued to pull him in the direction she’d come from confidently. He was unaware that they hadn’t converged in that direction. A look of irritation crossed her face and quickly vanished, replaced, once again with serenity. She tugged on his hand insistently, dragging him toward the one visible opening. He stumbled behind her, recoiling from shadowy hands that grasped for him. As they cleared the only opening left to them, he felt a pressure lifting off of him.

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