Staring in the light of day
The sunlight ravishing the mind with pain
Numb sensations filter through the soul
The agony felt loses sight of the goal
When out of the light a darkness comes
Like rain laden clouds to blot out the sun
Cold downpour of dreary rain
Falls down on the hollow remains
Cleansing to the soul and water the soil
My body lying naked in my hole I toil
With empty words I cry out from my grave
Seeking to undo all the pain I have made
Angelic sounds filter to my ears
Everpresent but never near
The spectres of love and desire
Tantalizing as they sear my soul with fire
Covet thy neighbor and drown in sin
For sweet whispered bliss that may never have been
Just hopes and dreams within my sight
As I soldier on and muster the will to fight
And I strive on still to hear that sound
Of love and happiness when loss is found
Well things are back to there usual. I'm home alone right now, roommates are out of town. This girl that I moved out here to be with over a year ago whom I have never even seen contacted me out of the blue and told me she would be by Tuesday to see me. But i've been hearing this same thing since I met her so I've developed a bit of disbelief regarding the matter. I tell my roommates every time she says she's going to show that I'll believe it when I see it. This girl I was fixed up with by my ex and moved here in order to be with this girl, left my whole life...family...friends....everything behind and I haven't even talked with her on the phone in over 8 months. I'm honestly going to have a heart attack if this girl shows up. Anyway, just rambling cause I'm bored. Just did a new tattoo so I'm probably going to hit the sack now.
Im feeling unusualy deep tonight, staring out at the night sky and just thinking over everything that has happened through my life to put me where I am right now and it just suddenly hit me like a freight train that my whole life I've thought I've been miserable, but looking back on it, every moment of my life thats affected me I have a deep well of pride for having gone through it because it's made me into the person I am today. Every broken heart or sundered relationship, every painful act and wrong decision has shaped and molded my character into the person that I am today, one of honor, integrity, pride, and self-power. And yet, having looked back with the gift of hindsight I can't help but wonder....would I make those decisions again if I TRULY was given the oppurtunity to change my own future and I can't say with 100% certainty that I would. Maybe I'd have kept myself in better shape than I am now. Maybe I'd have stayed in highschool instead of dropping out in the 10th grade and going to Job Corps. Maybe I wouldn't have gotten myself arrested and imprisoned. Who truly knows but this has given me something to dream on....